How do you come back from a suicide attempt? I get asked that a lot. The truth is that it takes a lot of work on a daily basis, it’s not just medication and therapy, a lot of it you have to figure out on your own.
After my dad died by suicide, I wanted out, I could not live in a world where my dad wasn’t around. I just thought that if I died, then I could be with him, maybe I could hug him again though I’m not sure what I believe about the after life.
I remember it all so clearly, taking the medication, the initial fear of what I had done, then feeling like I was numb, the drugs set in and I just watched a clock thinking, I wounder if I will die.
Clearly, I survived though it has been a very long journey, I’ve had a lot of wobbles, the other month I was under the care of the crisis team due to suicidal thoughts, expect this time I knew my signs and I got help before I did something.
I am now, at the end of the month, going to start therapy, which is 8 years overdue so needless to say, I am excited and I know it will help. I visit my GP every month or so, to monitor my progress and try to prevent a relapse, shes got me on two different anti depressants as my body seems to reject them, I’m on my fourth kind of medication, it was a journey but I learnt that I needed to be honest, our mind is so unique that what works for me, wont work for others, I just wish I knew that at the start to eliminate the stress I experienced.
On a day to day basis, I have to really look after myself, I cannot work due to my mental health being that bad but I can’t sit till either. I have such bad concentration so it is hard to focus, this does actually work in my favour with getting me out of bed though. I like to clean as it makes me feel productive, I like to use my mini trampoline I have in the living room to make me feel health and I like to write, a lot as it helps me sort out my thoughts.
My recovery is a mixture of help and support, it is very hard work but it can be done, just remember that recovery isn’t linear, you’ll have good and bad days but progress is always made if you keep trying, success is in not giving up.