I understood at a very young age I was different.
Apparently I had issues at very young age with crying all the time
Abused as a toddler by a family member… I always new it, I just didn’t see how it had been deforming my soul, eating away any sense of who I was and apparently unknowingly had been sent down a much more difficult life path.

Wanting so desperately for someone to see how much I was hurting.
Labeled by my mother as “unlovable”, her own mood swings kept my life filled with worry, fear, and a desperate need to keep track of the ever altering rules.
Her favoritism, patience, of my other siblings created such confusion.. eventually learning the rules for me were much different.
I related to Cinderella, the Land of Misfit Toys, the Ugly Duckling..
my siblings used me as she did, a physical, emotional and emotional punching bag til this day.

I spent 10 years fixing my internal view of myself… I worked hard to be authentic.Then I married, he eventually destroyed every sense of safety, sense of self and replaced it with his hatred of what I was. I felt trapped with the worst version of myself… so lost trying to be what he wanted.. it wasn’t me, it was him.
Everything I suffer with started with someone convincing me I was unlovable, undeserving my entire childhood.

At 60, divorced 3 years and starting over… no map… it’s a different world… I’m different this time around, age creates more obstacles than before, job, dating, cost of living etc… I need to make a plan… one more time.
I’m alone, I’m trying to be better… to enjoy what is left!