**Trigger Warning**

Hi. I used to be really mentally ill. I have had panic attacks, the worst case of obsessive compulsive disorder, bi-polar, anxiety and depression. I have struggled with substance abuse.  I have struggled with self-harm and suicide. One year I tried to kill myself multiple times. 

Treatment:

Coping- I have learned several coping skills. They really help.

Recovery- I was inpatient at a mental hospital. It really helped.

Therapy- I usually see my therapist every other week. It really helps.

Medication- My medication really helps too.

I hate the stigma!

My father was a drug addict, paranoid schizophrenic, dealer and hoarder.

Growing up was traumatic to say the least, I ended up moving out at age 15.

Currently I am 28, a father to be, high school teacher and martial arts instructor.

My whole life I have been dealing with depression, anxiety and other mental health concerns.

I found that the best therapy came from writing my story, first in the form of poetry then in a book. Even if you only write for your self, please do it. It will help!

I can only speak from my personal experience, but I am here to tell you that depression and anxiety are not always incurable diseases. They are not always physical ailments. And that suicide is not always caused by bad brain chemistry and nothing else.

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I have suffered depression and anxiety most of my life but only began being prescribed medications in the last 18 yrs. After 31 different mediation trials, I have been on a medication combination now that is making a difference in my life. I feel better than I have in years and I never lost hope that this day would come. Perfect? No. Better? Yes. I knew that there was a medication out there and that someday I would find the right one. I found that I could not give up nor could I stop pursuing whatever it took to find the right meds. It is important that if you are dealing with depression and anxiety that you lean on others and or perhaps your religion at times. The struggle has been hard for me mixed with a lot of tears but to be 50 and possibly feeling “normal” is a triumph for my personal journey. There is no “magic pill” unfortunately, it takes a combination of determination, commitment, patience, therapy and the right combination of meds to feel close to free from mental illness. I finally feel valuable, confident and worthy of where I am and everyone deserves to be there. Never give up.

I lost my brother to suicide in spring 2015. Before that time, I had been known to be resilient, dedicated, and almost “non-emotional” in my processing of major events. After Preston died, I spiraled. The face I had braved gave way to doubt, anxiety, hopelessness, incessant self-criticism, and my own suicidality.  It took losing myself, my health, some of my most cherished relationships, and my entire sense of purpose to decide: did I really want to die, or was this the biggest breakdown I never knew I’d face? And if it was the latter, was I prepared for the intense amount of energy and focus it would take to come out of the blackest hole of my life?

After I decided that I wasn’t ready to go - not yet - I got to work. As I climbed further up the walls of the black hole and began healing in my own way, it was interesting to see how people gravitated toward my improved self - sometimes because of the story behind the recovery, and some without any regard to my story.  I wrote the song “Bed of Roses"  inspired by the ways in which I relationships positively and negatively affected my journey to recovery. I had challenged myself to be more trusting, to allow lightness in my life after succumbing to immense dark pain, but in challenging my previous trust issues, I created boundary issues for myself. I let some individuals in without assessing whether they were truly aligned in my journey to wellness, and found that some people’s lack of understanding in my experiences with mine - and others’ - mental illness actually knocked my recovery down at points. 

“Bed of Roses” touches on how easy it is for one to become fascinated with the external before understanding the internal. Sometimes, we sign up for a journey we weren’t sure we were able to handle, and sometimes we share verbal commitment without actionable dedication. Much like a rose with its thorns, every person has a story speaks the pain that has formed the beauty. As the song says, “Take caution | of what lies in| a bed of roses.” For we cannot know what may have grown within to form the rose.

My story is not just my story. It’s your story. It’s the story of countless college students struggling to cope with stress and anxiety and depression at historically high and dangerous levels. It’s the story of mothers and fathers who lost a child to suicide and the unfathomable pain and grief they endure every day. It’s the story of brothers and sisters and friends of men and women young and old—so many so tragically young—who felt they had no better choice than ending their own lives. Or at least trying to. That’s what I did. Twice.

My story is like your story. It’s a story of brokenness and loneliness, stigma and suffering. It’s a story of reaching rock bottom and finally looking up and asking for help, just like the song that became the soundtrack of my life says.

I tell my story for two reasons: It helps me cope and gives others hope.

I’ve learned NAMI is right. This effort is important. If you remember nothing else, remember this: You are not alone. Ever. Millions of people suffer from mental illness. You are NOT alone. Someone close to you, probably most people close to you, have either suffered or they know intimately others who have. So reach out! You are never alone.

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Hi I go by Brooksie D. Thompson and here is my story. Since I was 17 years old, I was in and out of the hospital, it became a revolving door. I was there for suicide attempts, bipolar, depression, anxiety, self-injury, and PTSD. I was labeled the “crazy girl” at school, but I’m not crazy. We all have battles we fight and we all fight them differently, we are all soldiers fighting wars in our head. The good news, if you’re reading this, you have a 100% chance of success through hard days, yes we all have them! I was determined I was going to help people who were like me and I did. I finished high school and went to college (all while dealing with the revolving door of therapy, trial and error medications, and multiple hospitalizations). After I graduated from undergraduate school, I moved for my dream job at the hospital where I was a patient and worked as a Mental Health Counselor. I no longer work in the field, but I miss it. I miss being in a place where there’s no judgement, at least not from me. I have been on at least 3 sides of mental health as the one who struggles (and it’s still a struggle); I was on the giving side as a Mental Health Counselor and now I am on the conveyor side as an author who writes poetry about the struggles of addiction, depression, grief/loss, PTSD. Mental Health will always be dear to my heart and I will always speak out against stigma! I pray you find my story to be an inspiration. Here I am 26 years old now, with 3 degrees, a job I love, and 2 published books (3rd one on the way)!  My goal in life with my books, is to let people know they are not alone. You are not alone! I used to hand this out at the end of my grief and loss group: I may not know you at all or even very well, but I am thankful for you. You have made a difference in somebody’s life and I’m thankful for you.

Be encouraged today!

Brooksie D. Thompson

I come from a long line of abuse. Mental, emotional, and sexual. It has taken years of therapy to realize none of it is my fault. I live with bipolar, anxiety, PTSD, depression, OCD, and an eating disorder. I’m terrified for my life because of this, however; I have a wonderful support system that helps me get through the rough patches. It’s important to take baby steps and allow myself time to heal, confront, or survive this thing that is my life. Such a wondrous journey. Don’t give in to that which harms you. A bit hypocritical I know because of my eating disorder. But this is a fight worth fighting. The light at the end of the tunnel isn’t always a train.

Hi! When I was in 8th grade after moving I realized one day I continued to pull my hair out. One week later I was in therapy and was diagnosed with Trichotillomania. For the past 4 years now I have stuggled with self esteem, self love and care, anxiety and depression and occasionally suicidal thoughts. I have been in and out of 3 different therapists and 2 types of medication. I used to consider my hair the only redeeming quality about myself. I didn’t think I was too pretty but I had thick hair that could hold a curl, but after trich there were bald patched springing up left and right. It sucks to be in high school with half of my hair bald. Almost on a daily basis someone asks me “did you shave your head?” or the straight up “you know you’re bald right?”. However, despite hating my hair I’ve learned to embrace it. I used to do cheer and have my hair up in a ponytail, and after a while I just stopped caring that everyone could see my bald spots. It’s not easy and there are highs and lows everyday, whether its relapses or self hatred. I wouldn’t wish this disorder upon everyone, but it has made me a stonger, more confident person, and although I’m not perfect, I’m learning to love myself just the way I am, and I hope that through my story I can help others going through similar things so everyone knows that they truly are not and never will be alone.

My name is Jampa T Ritzekura, I am 36 years old and currently reside in Minnesota. About 10 years ago I was going through lots of anxiety, depression, manic, panic attacks, racing mind. I couldn’t take it anymore, lost hope and one day I almost ended up taking my own life. Having an image in my mind of hanging myself. And then I knew that I had to seek for some help. So I spoke to a close friend of mine, Sherab. And he recommended me to watch mindfulness meditation on YouTube by Mingyur Rinpoche. I watched, learned and practiced mindfulness meditation everyday consistently because I didn’t want to end my own life. To the point where I was able to control my own mind. And it has been 10 years now and I am cured from my mental illness and no more panic attacks, anxiety, depression, manic, racing minds and Suicidal thoughts. I want to let everyone know that mindfulness meditation practice everyday can cure your mental illness. Suicide is not the last option, don’t loose hope and don’t give up. Reach out to your friends and family, share your struggles. If I can overcome my mental illness and Suicidal thoughts, so can you.