I have been struggling with mental illness from a young age. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, adhd, ocd, borderline personality disorder, anxiety, psychogenic seizures, and a learning disability. I also am I recovering addict. I would like to spread my story to those in need to show them that the darkness does fade as long as you have the strength to flip the light. The goal is to inspire everyone but if that is not possible I aim to touch at least one person.

            My name is Jennifer and I am a recovered mental illness survivor—

            I have endured severe mental illness for over half my life.  During that time, I suffered from clinical depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, and borderline personality disorder.

            Due to the depression, my behaviors ranged from excessive crying to excessive sleeping to suicide attempts.  I felt feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and helplessness.  All I thought I wanted to do was die.   But in fact, what I really wanted was help with overcoming my severe sadness.

            During my manic states, I endured impulsive, spontaneous, and irresponsible behaviors.  I felt on top of world.  I felt excessive amounts of energy.  I had racing thoughts.  I had delusions of grandeur.  I’ll be honest.  It felt great to be so high, but it is also very dangerous.  Risky behaviors can lead to much endangerment of self and others.

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Everyone struggles with something in life. Some struggle for brief periods of time and some struggle every day. I belong to the some who struggle every day. Since I was 5 years old I have constantly struggled with mental illness. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, schizophrenia, depression, anxiety, ADD, ADHD, PTSD, and attention deficit Disorder. My dad, step mother, and Step Father physically abused me for most of my life because they didn’t understand what I was going through and my Mother was the only person in my life to try to help me through everything I was dealing with. Unfortunately I did not trust anyone around me due to how I was treated at home and because I was constantly bullied at school because I was different. Eventually the abuse I was facing at my step fathers house led to me going into a state of shock and I tried to hurt my mother because I was so out of it and thought she was my step father. I was 15 at this point and was detained. 

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I have bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, and anxiety. I have struggled with mental health illness since I was a child and because I was misdiagnosed with depression at the age of eleven, have suffered for quite some time.  I also struggled with alcoholism for a few years, having inherited it from my Dad.

I’ve been on many medications, seen several therapists and psychiatrists, made numerous suicide attempts, and self-harmed. I felt broken. I wasn’t thriving and I didn’t expect to survive. Then there was a miracle. I conceived my daughter. She was born in December of 2008.

I needed to at least live for her sake at that point, but I was still barely surviving. It was the spring of 2015 when I decided to quit alcohol and to go into the hospital because I was severely depressed and suicidal. The doctor changed my medications and a few days before my discharge date the doctor made me realize that I was still in a deep depression. I still needed help. I decided to do ECT.

It was a major decision but it changed my life. The combination of ECT, medications, and therapy have helped me onto my road of recovery. I’m not 100% and I still have my episodes. However, have my treatment team, my friends, and my family to guide me and help me. I’m not alone.

Hello, I have always thought that sharing my story with the mental health community is important to bring hope to others that are just like me.

I’m a 37 year old divorced mother of two boys. I have been in therapy of some kind or another since I was 7 years old. Mental illness runs in my family as well as substance abuse addiction. I believe I was born with my many disorders that progressed and worsened as I got older, abused illegal drugs, prescribed medication and had my children. In my early childhood I showed all the many signs of OCD. I also grew up in an extremely chaotic family where my mother suffered terribly with her own mental illness that was never acknowledged or treated and an emotionally absent father. My two older siblings coped with this by using and abusing drugs and my older sister was put into rehab when I was seven. My older brother simply moved away and is still an addict today covering up his own mental health issues. My younger sister was extremely emotionally disturbed and would act out violently towards my parents but especially towards me. She would later become a drug addict for many years and thankfully entered recovery 4 ½ years ago.

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Who am I? I am a wife, mother, sister, friend, Marine and a proud American. I am loving, kind, compassionate, impulsive, stubborn and often difficult. None of those labels define me. I have Bipolar disorder, PTSD along with Borderline personality disorder and I have a tendency to self-harm. Those do not define me either. I am who I am. I am me. Mental illness is like any other illness in the fact that it affects your way of life. It may not present itself with physical symptoms but that makes it no less real. My story may not start like most. Many may find themselves feeling uneasy or unwilling to continue reading. And yet I ask you to try. Try to make it through to the very end. Hopefully you will learn a little more about mental illness and maybe a little more about me. I’m tired of the stigma often associated with mental illness. In order to properly help those in need we need to rid the world of these obvious stigmas. Some are born with a form of mental illness. Others attain it through life’s experiences. I am not sure I fall into one category over the other. And so begins my journey with mental illness…

 As a little girl I grew up loving Barbie dolls, roller skates and my dog Lacey. We lived in a normal middle class neighborhood. We knew most of our neighbors and considered those next to us as family. Maybe that is why what happened became overlooked and went unnoticed until now. As I mentioned above some might find what I am about to say unnerving but please continue on. As a little girl, with long brown pigtails, meticulously braided by my mother and with big brown eyes my neighbor first molested me. This teenage boy took my innocence at approximately 5 years old. It wasn’t just him though. I had an older male cousin that felt the need to molest me as well.  Both continued to steal a little piece of me for years. Like I said no one knew and I was too scared to tell. Still I consider my childhood a happy one. One full of love, excitement, wonder and joy. I began going to Catholic school as a Kindergartener. I stayed at the same school for 9 years. I am still friends with many of my fellow classmates. They were like family to me.

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Mental illness runs in my family four generations.I hear voices and see things that are not there which is caused by my schizophrenia.  I have bipolar disorder because sometimes I am depressed and sometimes I am manic. I have PTSD because my biological father was not in my life and my mom could not take care of my mental illness due to her illness. I have borderline personality disorder because every time I get close to someone they leave or hurt me. I have obsessive compulsive disorder because I want everything to be perfect. I am a psychopath because I like to plan for the future. I do burn bridges because I am protecting my innocence and soul. Because of this stuff I am a terrible mom. Yet music, history and my family and animals help me. So hopefully that will help. A friend is someone that knows all about you, yet loves you just the same. My religion also helps me. I have zillions of blessings everyday.

I am diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, which is on top of my other diagnoses of bipolar II disorder, ADHD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. BPD affects four areas of my life:

1. Emotional Dysregulation:

• BPD is very exhausting and confusing to live with. I’m never sure whether to trust my emotions, if they’re justified or if I’m just overreacting.
• My moods are mostly always triggered by something in my environment, but if something good happens five minutes later, I’ll immediately feel euphoric.
• Every emotion I feel is amplified; they can change at the drop of a hat and can last only minutes or hours.
• When I am in a severe crisis where I am experiencing intense emotions, I will sometimes dissociate to deal with it. It will feel as if the situation isn’t actually real and that I’m watching myself from outside of my body.
• I have had difficult controlling my anger and have often succumbed to attacks of extreme rage - throwing things, screaming, crying, etc. It is usually very inappropriate for the situation and I can be very sarcastic and bitter.
• It is during these episodes of rage that I am most likely to intentionally hurt myself. I am much more in control of this symptom now with the help of medication, but I still have my moments.
• I also usually feel very internally restless, like something is missing. I get bored extremely easily and sometimes feel like a hollow shell. I never have a sense of fulfillment.

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My name is Catrena but I go by Cat or BearCat and I’m 28 years old. I was continuously sexually, physically, and psychologically abused as a child, as well as neglected due to substance abuse in the home.This has left me with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive disorder, and a possible Bipolar diagnosis. Living with many disorders has left me unable to work in a traditional job setting. In fact, my disorders have landed me in the hospital twice this year with suicidal thoughts and manic episodes. I am thriving in my own way, however, having become engaged this year, as well as embarking on a long time goal of becoming a public speaker. I have been through Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, EMDR, and psychotherapy. Many days are dark and stormy, but with the support of medical professionals as well as my loving fiance, I know I can be a mentally ill and successful person. I have chosen to be on mood stabilizers, but I love hearing ways that people find to thrive while recovering and maintaining mental illnesses. I am always searching for new opportunities to connect and help other individuals who struggle with mental illness find positive ways to cope with their symptoms and live each moment as a gift. I am here to say that while many days can be tough, living with mental illness is not any reason to feel like you cannot be loved and successful in this lifetime.  

I feel for my husband and 9 year old son that they have had to not only deal with me being Bipolar type 1 but for the past 2 years now they have had to deal with me being in a psychosis and very paranoid.  I also have ADHD, PTSD, Paranoid Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder where I do have panic attacks, schizoaffective disorder, kleptomania, OCD, and possibly now split personalities. Ive tried committing suicide when I was young and I always have had thoughts. I have an eating disorder and impulse disorderThere are more but Im trying to not be 302’d.  I was in a car accident because of the illnesses and all the medications my doctor prescribed me and traumas I was dealing with in my environment that led me to get a DUI because of the ADHD med and I got a felony.  I believe the police officer was not trained in mental illness even though he lied on the stand and said he was and he 302’d me for a week. And then put in jail on suicide watch.  I received no help from the community and my illness just kept getting worse and I decided to give up rights to my son until I become more stable.  My husband and I were homeless for about a year and now he lives with my son and his grandma and I live with my stepmom.  We also went thru 2 discrimination cases that went no where because who are people going to believe, a non-profit organization or a mentally ill addict with a criminal background.  Im trying to have faith in my community that things will start getting better for all of us.  My only hope lands on believing that there is a GOD.