I am a military veteran. I also grew up in a family that would never support mental health, nor recognize that I had bipolar and hyper activity symptoms. As I continued to grow up, I had academic and social problems. I could only relate to my peers through sports. In this area, I excelled. As I continued through high school, I became an athletic phenomenon. I had become a national silver and golden gloves boxing champion. I was an all state football star. I was an all state track star. I even received scholarships to major universities. The university scouts predicted I would become one of the most feared defensive end’s in college football and one of the fastest 400 m and 110 m hurdlers in track and field.

I lacked the self esteem, for academics - so I refused all offers. I joined the military instead; knowing that I could excel in the military. I did. I had a great career, full of adventure, exotic countries and people, humanitarian missions, and so on -  during war time and peace. I thought I was just fine, as a person. Looking back, I was a train wreck, looking for a place to happen. Not because of the military, but because I had a genetic condition, that no one picked up on - in a conducive environment. I went through years of depression and anger, not knowing what was “wrong with me”. I blamed everything and everyone else. Because I was a proud man, and loyal.

As years passed, I became worse. Then I was in an accident, that left me with a  medium brain injury, broken shoulder, broken left hip, twisted pelvis and a spinal column that is still degenerating in the disks and vertebrate. I was also diagnosed with other chronic physical disabling conditions. Physicians told my family, that I would not live much longer. Were they ever wrong! I know my higher power had other plans.

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Hello, I have always thought that sharing my story with the mental health community is important to bring hope to others that are just like me.

I’m a 37 year old divorced mother of two boys. I have been in therapy of some kind or another since I was 7 years old. Mental illness runs in my family as well as substance abuse addiction. I believe I was born with my many disorders that progressed and worsened as I got older, abused illegal drugs, prescribed medication and had my children. In my early childhood I showed all the many signs of OCD. I also grew up in an extremely chaotic family where my mother suffered terribly with her own mental illness that was never acknowledged or treated and an emotionally absent father. My two older siblings coped with this by using and abusing drugs and my older sister was put into rehab when I was seven. My older brother simply moved away and is still an addict today covering up his own mental health issues. My younger sister was extremely emotionally disturbed and would act out violently towards my parents but especially towards me. She would later become a drug addict for many years and thankfully entered recovery 4 ½ years ago.

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Maybe , I could have spoken up at different jobs. I had already been through therapy and sent on my way ,in had come along way ! I was havehave a regular physician maintain my meds Even the mental health place was going to verify that he would maintain my medicine 🙃And as usual, I didn’t get told a few things and I should’ve known. Not that it would probably mattered . I’m sorry but I will in about the jobs I got it Like telling them I had mental problems. I already had problems with my absenteeism wherever I worked. Then let’s take it all away, all my meds. I had started going to a government clinic All that time no problem one time I make a mistake. And I have to stop there for a year and kiss and I cannot dirty with THC. Apparently they were unaware of that metal abuse I was getting out home He has been at the game finally you said Josie you need to go to a mental health clinic he can’t even look at me. I have been on the phone that has a pan for 25 years 5/2 mg are not gonna take that away. I had work myself down from.3 daily to one at night, I hung in there for a year with no med for anxiety or my ADD. But she made me choose between months before the clonazepam got took away, Im Still not the way I use to be, which was not great. But people notice now. Just a little trigger and my brain flickers Like a light bulb getting ready to go out. I went through that I’ve went through three more withdrawal issues changing meds now when I had major depressive disorder. I’ve waited two years on disability I’m here I’m by my family. You get up . Dust Yourself off and go to work I have been humiliated and I I had to come to some peace about that, my dream was tonbe 50 and living off the government. Nothing but put down raising my kids and their great And they have more than mom ever did. But when your dad looks at you like he is totally disappointed. One more thing sorry, people have to understand what’s wrong with them. Because if it wasn’t for me speaking up. I’d be on antipsychotics walking around like a damn robot because I didn’t know how to explain myself because some people are looking for words in the profession they don’t know you anymore and you know them and it causes problems. But I know they try⏫

Poem 33 Voluntary Work Helps My Life

VOLUNTARY  WORK  HELPS  MY  LIFE

I have been doing Voluntary Work for Many Years now.

My Mental Health Problems which are Also,

Mentioned about in my Poetry Book,

“SOME OF THESE MAKE SENSE, SOME OF THEM DONT,

BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT LIFE IS.”

Post Traumatic Stress, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder,

Depression not Clinical and Schizophrenia.

Pricing Books for a Local Hospice and working on the Till,

Another Charity Shop Pricing Dvd’s, Computer Games and CD’s.

Welcomer at a Cathedral, telling History,

from Roman Times to the Present.

18^th Century Church near my Address, again talking History,

Which is what my Degree was in.

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I’m a 19 year old college student who suffers from anxiety and depression. Reading that sentence probably didn’t stand out to anyone, but I’m here to speak about my unique journey with mental health. The first 14 or so years of my life were good. In fact, my childhood was great. I had your average family with a mom, dad, and a younger brother who would support me through everything and give me the resources to have a high quality of life. None of that changed as I transitioned into high school… but still, my brain suffered.

From a young age, I had very high expectations for myself. I constantly worried about not being good enough, even though I was a fantastic student. The pressure became almost unbearable as I began to take AP courses. Not only that, but I did many extracurricular activities that I barely gave myself time to breathe. I would spiral into anxiety attacks and sometimes panic attacks and not sleep for whole nights just for one assignment. I thought this was the life of a normal high school student until my parents showed concern for my mental and physical health.

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My journey with mental health has not been an easy one. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression in 2011. I was constantly having panic attacks at bight time which prevented me from sleeping. I finally decided that it was time to get the help I very much so needed. I did, and every since then I can better manage my mental health with the tools that my therapist has given me. There is light and hope even after the darkest of storms. Keep fighting ❤️

I just want to talk to people about my mental health struggles throughout my life and how I’ve overcome each and everyone of these hurdles and how I could be inspiration to others. Through the power of open and honest communication and never giving up on oneself I’ll be honored to talk about my struggles but also my hope that I can give people that are struggling today day with things that they cannot control in the midst of the coronavirus

Recovery

Hospital stays, treatment centers, therapy galore,
Hurting so deeply into my core.
Mind in a cloud somewhere far, far away,
Thinking it’s impossible to make it another day.

Crying, crying, crying,
Dying, dying, dying.

Lost, Scared, Alone,
All I wanted was to go home.
Didn’t want to be alive,
Didn’t give a s*** if I died.

Crying, crying, crying,
Dying, dying, dying.

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I just wanted to share i recently got a book published available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

Even though it’s fictional it’s inspired from my own personal journey.

I have bipolar disorder. I have ADHD. And i have GAD (general anxiety disorder). I was hospitalized this time last year and was there for three weeks learning about different kinds of therapy and being vulnerable. After i was released i wrote a book. And it’s officially published. It’s time for me to stop the stigma control my life and be more open.