I suffered intensely from psychotic depression.  I didn’t know it had a name, even though I’ve had mdd and bipolar disorder.  The pain and immersion into a hellish world where you are convinced the only way out is suicide,  is beyond comprehension. 

It has been a year in making to full recovery.  Being so traumatic,  I was grateful just to be alive; however,  I never dreampt I would have peace, contentment,  and joy.

Psychotic depression is one step before death. If this happens to you or a loved one, pull out the big guns:antidepressants,  antipychotics,  AND ect.  Dont be concerned about memory loss, and the anti-ect rhetoric.  Choose life and happiness.  Weight gain from antipychotics?  Rather be alive or dead?

There is life and full recovery after psychotic depression. 

I am a survivor of depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, an eating disorder, self harm, and suicide. Although I am a survivor my fight is not over. Far too often people think that a mental illness can be cured and that is far from the truth. Back in October of 2010 I felt as if my life had fallen apart and I was admitted into a psychiatric hospital for the first time. I never really knew that these types of hospitals existed or that the things I was struggling with were common among people my age. I was 16 at the time and I truly felt so alone. From October 2010- May 2013 I was admitted into 6 different psychiatric hospitals. I was admitted so many times that I cannot even give you a number. When I was struggling through those years in my life I honestly did not see myself having a future. I stopped planning my future and I did not care about the long term effects that my choices had on my life because I did not foresee myself living through it all.

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I first thought of suicide in grade school and have struggled with depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder for over 10 years. My life was controlled by fear and I have struggled with negative coping skills for years. Self-harm was a way to control the pain I felt and then I ended up turning to substances to numb myself. Because of some childhood experiences and traumas in my late teens and early twenties I developed severe PTSD. I have had several attempts to take my own life with the most recent one being extremely severe over six months ago. I used to hate myself and think the world was better off and that I was a victim of a cruel world. In June of this year I took some of the power back. I decided to learn from my past and look at the positives.

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Plain and simple, I have bipolar disorder and anxiety and I’m here to say, I’M STABLE! THERE IS HOPE!  I owe my stability to God first, then my family, my hard work and determination to get and stay stable and of course my physiologist and psychiatrist! THERE IS LIFE WITH A MENTAL ILLNESS! DO NOT GIVE UP!

It was June 2003 when I was first diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder which, no doubt, had gone undiagnosed for my entire life. My life was sprinkled with extreme anxiety attacks, OCD, manic episodes, and especially severe depression. By the time I had my own family – a wife and two boys of my own – my depression had gotten out of control.

For me depression was and is extended periods of time inside a six foot cube with no stimulus. No light sneaking in through my lids. No sound other than shallow, rushed breaths. No breeze touching my face. Alone.

But depression is just as much about ‘fullness’ as it is about emptiness. I struggled with an overload of negativity that reached deep into my soul to drag out any signs of hope and love. All at once I would be inundated with anger for what’s happened and about to happen, sorrow for those I’ve lost - some in the most tragic of ways - and the deep loss of who I thought I was. The loss of being the go-to-marketing-guy at work, the loving husband, the fun dad, the brave youth hockey coach, and the bread winner. 

As time passed the depression showed up in suicidality and ultimately attempts leaving me hospitalized five different times. I was put on Short-term disability three years in a row and forced out on Long-term disability in 2006. All the while, the doctors toiled to find the right mix of meds that would stabilize me and help me have as much of a normal life as possible. They added 32 courses of Electroconvulsive Therapy which jarred me out of the most severe depression and suicidality.

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I am a 30-year-old female with bipolar disorder and I am here to share my story of living with this mental health condition.

By the age of 16 years old, I had probably been diagnosed with every mental illness out there and taken every medication possible. It wasn’t until I was 24 years old and in early recovery from addiction, that I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It took me a long time to accept the fact that I had this diagnosis. No one understood what I was dealing with. I never knew if I would wake up happy or depressed. I did tons and tons of research on bipolar disorder and found that it is partially genetic, so I decided to do some digging and look into my family. I found out that my great grandmother had died by suicide at the age of 24. My father had told me he didn’t want me to know because he blamed himself for my mental illness.

I look back, and always ask, “why me?” I feel like I was hit with the stick that gave me a mental health condition and a substance abuse disorder. Being one of three girls, I always felt like the black sheep of my family. I was always messing up and getting into trouble, especially when I would become manic. To me, mania is an outer body experience and I loved the feeling. In a matter of two weeks I spent over $20,000 because of my mania.

I have learned that bipolar disorder is not my life—it’s just part of who I am. I am not shy about it and I do public speaking about my illness. Now at the age of 30, I am a licensed master social worker working with individuals with mental health conditions. Mental illness is not something we can help and education is the key factor in getting others to understand what we are dealing with. I am finally stable on my medication and am doing the best I have been in a long time.

Even though my life isn’t where I thought it would be, coming to terms with my bipolar disorder was a major accomplishment. Don’t get me wrong—I still have my ups and downs and I still have a lot of symptoms that are very difficult to manage. NAMI is such an amazing organization with everything they do and I want to thank NAMI for always providing services and educational material to better help understand and deal with bipolar disorder.

Remember, you are not your mental illness, it is just a part of you. Stay strong and don’t stop fighting.

My name is Bek. I am a 34-year-old mother who has PTSD and postpartum depression, as well as unspecified bipolar disorder. For the first time in my life I actually feel somewhat stumped when it comes to writing about my mental illness and the road of recovery. I started attending NAMI meetings as part of an outpatient program, which was proceeded by my first ever manic episode and my bipolar diagnosis. 

Depression has been a part of my life since puberty and high anxiety layered itself on top of that. Sharing my story with others has been part of my overall healing and I hope by writing this that someone out there feels less alone. The episodes are real, the panic is real, the mental strain and trauma is real. You get the picture. 

I feel like my emotions have always overwhelmed me, struggling to “get out of my own mind” and did not actively seek any mental help until my mid twenties.  I initially sought out cognitive behavioral therapy which was something very foreign to me. Change your habits, change your thoughts, feel better, right?  It allowed me to move through some of the issues that had grown deep roots in my psyche and medication was prescribed to work in combination with the therapy. I didn’t really care what I put in my body. I felt like I was in permanent survival mode but at least I was taking steps to “feel better.”  I survived. I also self-medicated with marijuana, which seemed to help keep mania at bay and in general made me feel like I could handle life better.

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            My name is Jennifer and I am a recovered mental illness survivor—

            I have endured severe mental illness for over half my life.  During that time, I suffered from clinical depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, and borderline personality disorder.

            Due to the depression, my behaviors ranged from excessive crying to excessive sleeping to suicide attempts.  I felt feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and helplessness.  All I thought I wanted to do was die.   But in fact, what I really wanted was help with overcoming my severe sadness.

            During my manic states, I endured impulsive, spontaneous, and irresponsible behaviors.  I felt on top of world.  I felt excessive amounts of energy.  I had racing thoughts.  I had delusions of grandeur.  I’ll be honest.  It felt great to be so high, but it is also very dangerous.  Risky behaviors can lead to much endangerment of self and others.

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This year has been the year I’ve really worked on my recovery and my overall mental health. From a very young age I was depressed, fascinated with death and constantly anxious. I developed major body image issues as a child that turned into an eating disorder. I grew up with a biological father who was an addict, alcoholic, abusive and mentally ill with Bipolar Disorder.

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Hello my name is Tiffany Rios I am 15 years old and suffer from depression, anxiety, ocd, and bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety in the second grade so it has been a while dealing with my mental health. Lucky for me my family also suffers with there own mental health issues so I was lucky enough to get help at an early age. I grew up with mentors and therapy for as long as I could remember. 

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