My father was a drug addict, paranoid schizophrenic, dealer and hoarder.

Growing up was traumatic to say the least, I ended up moving out at age 15.

Currently I am 28, a father to be, high school teacher and martial arts instructor.

My whole life I have been dealing with depression, anxiety and other mental health concerns.

I found that the best therapy came from writing my story, first in the form of poetry then in a book. Even if you only write for your self, please do it. It will help!

I got married for the second time at 38 to a very talented man, who teaches his craft to local students. We both came into the relationship with depression and anxiety, and bonded over our love of music, books, film, and an old story of a kiss we shared in high school. We opened a business together and developed a beautiful community of students and their families. This is not one of those stories that was a fairytale from the beginning and one day turned dark. We shared so many normal days, like most families, and there were beautiful days, too, but there was also an undercurrent of abuse that was there from the beginning. I learned years later in therapy that what I experienced was emotional abuse, which is a form of domestic violence. On the worst day, I also experienced sexual assault, although I wouldn’t fully feel what happened to me emotionally or physically until years later.

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June 3, 2014

Thank you for your interest in my recovery story. I have been in mental health treatment for the past thirty-three years. It began at age eight when I was sexually molested by a close relative. I did not tell anyone out of shame and guilt for ten years. I became anorexic immediately following the assault, which turned into bulimia, severe depression and anxiety through my teenage years. My parents would not allow hospitalization or medication because of their ignorance and the stigma involved. Suicide was constantly on my mind. My parents did allow for weekly psychotherapy treatments.

At seventeen, I suffered a major mental breakdown and was limited in my high school attendance. I disclosed facts about the abuse during therapy, but no charges were filed, once again due to the perceived stigma. At eighteen, I took myself to the psychiatrist and received my first prescription for an anti-depressant. Lack of effectiveness and side effects caused me to spend the next fifteen years trying different medicine combinations.

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My journey with mental health has not been an easy one. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression in 2011. I was constantly having panic attacks at bight time which prevented me from sleeping. I finally decided that it was time to get the help I very much so needed. I did, and every since then I can better manage my mental health with the tools that my therapist has given me. There is light and hope even after the darkest of storms. Keep fighting ❤️

Hello,

My name is Jonathan Kohlmeier and I am a 19 year old college student and an aspiring author. I am trying to submit for the “You Are Not Alone” series. Ever since I was little I’ve suffered from anxiety and depression and I think we as a society have a long way to go on mental health. The public needs to hear more stories about mental health to start to de-stigmatize these issues in society. I have recently completed a memoir about my story. It is not yet published but I’m in the process of trying to get the book published. I have titled it “Learning to Play the Game,” the same as this article. I feel as though my struggles could be comparable to a game that I’ve learned to play with myself. The stigma around mental health is real and I think we as a society need to give it the attention it requires.

Thank you for your consideration,

Jonathan Kohlmeier

Imagine that every conversation of your life was like getting up on stage, naked, at the Met, in front of 3,000 people.

It is a feeling I get when I feel like I can’t do something. Something bigger than me is standing in the way. It feels almost literal, like walls are built up brick by brick. Some people might be deathly afraid of spiders or snakes or heights. I’m deathly afraid of other people. Just think of your worst fear and having to live with it all the time. Forever. The threshold of when I begin to feel it has changed as I got older, but it’s the same feeling. I feel as though I’m constantly being watched. The problem is that I’ve come to like being with other people too. That’d be like being afraid of spiders but having a tarantula as a pet, by choice. I know this must seem confusing but I’ve lived with it for 19 years and even I don’t understand it.

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I have suffered depression and anxiety most of my life but only began being prescribed medications in the last 18 yrs. After 31 different mediation trials, I have been on a medication combination now that is making a difference in my life. I feel better than I have in years and I never lost hope that this day would come. Perfect? No. Better? Yes. I knew that there was a medication out there and that someday I would find the right one. I found that I could not give up nor could I stop pursuing whatever it took to find the right meds. It is important that if you are dealing with depression and anxiety that you lean on others and or perhaps your religion at times. The struggle has been hard for me mixed with a lot of tears but to be 50 and possibly feeling “normal” is a triumph for my personal journey. There is no “magic pill” unfortunately, it takes a combination of determination, commitment, patience, therapy and the right combination of meds to feel close to free from mental illness. I finally feel valuable, confident and worthy of where I am and everyone deserves to be there. Never give up.

Hello, I have always thought that sharing my story with the mental health community is important to bring hope to others that are just like me.

I’m a 37 year old divorced mother of two boys. I have been in therapy of some kind or another since I was 7 years old. Mental illness runs in my family as well as substance abuse addiction. I believe I was born with my many disorders that progressed and worsened as I got older, abused illegal drugs, prescribed medication and had my children. In my early childhood I showed all the many signs of OCD. I also grew up in an extremely chaotic family where my mother suffered terribly with her own mental illness that was never acknowledged or treated and an emotionally absent father. My two older siblings coped with this by using and abusing drugs and my older sister was put into rehab when I was seven. My older brother simply moved away and is still an addict today covering up his own mental health issues. My younger sister was extremely emotionally disturbed and would act out violently towards my parents but especially towards me. She would later become a drug addict for many years and thankfully entered recovery 4 ½ years ago.

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Sometimes the trauma we experience is not definable in terms of scientific research or assessments. Sometimes depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues are never actually diagnosed but somehow those of us who experience these issues deal with them on a daily basis and find inspiration and hope in our communities and inside ourselves.  

I, like many others, have experienced multiple traumas in my life including rape, abandonment, intimate partner violence, a diagnosis of a “terminal” disease, homelessness, and drug addiction.  Yet, somehow, I have made it through these experiences and found help along the way.  Not from the system of care (as many of us know, the system of care is not really designed to “care”), I found help in the support and love from others who have also experienced similar things.  It is their courage and compassion that gave me the strength to keep moving forward.  It is their determination and insight that helped me work through the pain and fear.  

I am forever grateful for those who guided me along the way.  Your support will never be forgotten.  Your support helped me to not only find a new way to live but to follow my passion and help others.  Even though I have been dragged through the mud, I know my worth and value has not changed.  Today, I am working on a PhD. and hope that the work I do, the community bridges from research and academia to the real world I build, can help inspire others.  May you find love and peace in your hearts

My name is Mike Logan Stubbs. I’m a 28-year-old from England. I suffer from depression and mental health issues which I believe have haunted me for nearly six years now.

My depression got so bad four months ago, I attempted to take my own life and was hospitalized.

I felt like no matter what I did, I would always feel this way (depressed). I can get so low, like the flick of a switch, when my depression is at its worst and unfortunately cannot control it.

When I got out of hospital, with the support of my family, I made it my mission to get better — and the best way to express my emotions is through music. Through music I feel like a “normal” person and feel it is my best therapy.

My experience with depression and fighting it inspired me to raise awareness through music. Listening to other bands and artists also helps me, especially when the lyrics are meaningful! My favorite artists and inspiration range from Metallica, Phil Collins and even classical music. The experience of attempting suicide inspired me to not only help myself, but to help others who feel the same as me.

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