John, born in 1981, was ten years old when his uncle called him in the room. It was a big TV with video playing on it. It played something he had never seen before. One close view that was a naked lady a men. It came as a shock to the gentle and innocent mind of the 10 year old john. It kept on playing for over 15 min and the john was looking with surprise and curiosity. The uncle told that this process is known as intercourse and told about masturbation and asserted that if you try this it will bring you pleasure.
Uncle mentioned that if you fold your leg then the shape that is formed at the knee becomes like the shape of a women vagina. This settled as a trauma in the gentle mind of john.
When john was 12 years old he got bad association with his friends and he started masturbating. AT 17 years one of john’s friend hit him with his leg on his penis and he suffered with hydrocele which had to be operated. The john accounted all this pain of surgery to his past misdeeds of having seen all this at an early age and masturbating. He was always having the feeling of guilt. After the hydrocele surgery he focused on studies and cracked engineering entrance exam in a reputed colleges.
College time 2000 until 2004 - After being admitted to the college he could not focus on studies too much and from the 1st year to the 3rd year he felt guilty of what he has done in the past and used to weep being unable to focus on studies and not give his 100% in life. However until this time the PROBLEM did NOT bother him.
He had an accident in 2005 and got a head injury and was given anesthesia for stitches in the head. John remembers that during this time this PROBLEM increased after coming in consciousness from anesthesia in the hospital.
NOTE : - PROBLEM here is referred to the “Sense or feeling that John gets that there is something on the back portion of the knee (especially right leg but thought keeps switching to left leg with lesser frequency) that there is something , though not always but at times a feeling that it is a women vagina.
Found great strength in doing some breath exercise at the age of 25.
Great years without much mental trouble - 2006,2007,2008,2009 (got married), 2010
In 2016, John focused on his mental and physical health fitness and thought that this is the right time to solve this problem for ever. During this time the problem.
In previous years the problem was there but John always ignored it and suffered the pain thinking that it cannot be solved until one of his doctor friends told that it can be solved. He is now taking steps to get it resolved completely.
Gain relief from this problem when:-
1. After and during doing Exercise
2. During Dance and Music and persists after that for few hours.
3. Playing some indoor/outdoor games
4. Breath exercise or jogging
5. Busy with work
6. Talking to friends and family.
7. After discussing the problem with someone it goes away for some time but again comes back.
8. Keep a strong mind and ignoring the mind thought.
9.
Moments when problem occurs:-
1. After getting up from sleep in the morning
2. When mind is free and have nothing to do.
3. When unable to achieve a target I account the inability to this problem.
Impacts because of the problem:-
1. Having a sense inability that I was not able to achieve much in life because of this problem.
2. Could not be happy and relaxed when the mind is free and there is nothing to do.
3. Thoughts that my social life could have been better if I could have given 100% to myself and to others.
4. Thoughts that I could do much better in my professional and personal life.
Not an issue:
1. No issues with identity (male or female)
2. No issues in marital sex life
3. Excellent professional carrier
4. Healthy family life and family is aware of this problem (having discussed this problem also reduces the problem)
Please help me !!