**TRIGGER WARNING** My Story
I’m a survivor of Bipolar.
I’m a survivor of PTSD.
I’m a survivor of falling desperately in love and watching the world stop spinning and the stars collide.
I’m a survivor of having that same person rape me and my world going completely dark for the rest of my life.
I’m a survivor of being called a liar.
I’m a survivor of people saying I just wanted attention.
I’m a survivor of suicidal thoughts, and plans.
I’m a survivor of going to bed every night praying to God at night that I won’t wake up in the morning.
I’m a survivor of sleeping in the same bed he raped me in for the next year until I could move out of my parents house.
I’m a survivor of watching my mother get emotionally abused.
I’m a survivor of my mother choosing him over me and my kids.
I’m a survivor of watching him scream at her while she has a grand maul seizure.
I’m a survivor of walking through an empty world and an even emptier me.
I’m a survivor of an engineer at work grabbing my breast.
I’m a survivor of my work telling me that he has every right to work there that I do.
I’m a survivor of my work telling me the dress I wore that day made it justified.
I’m a survivor of having to work with him every day.
I’m a survivor of losing friend after friend being betrayed over and over again.
I’m a survivor of the worst abandonment issues because of my parents and all these friends.
I’m a survivor of alcohol abuse.
I’m a survivor of being raped again and cut up with a knife 33 times all over my body by a coworker.
I’m a survivor of being called a liar by every single person I work with.
I’m a survivor of the courts saying they won’t continue with the case as I cry.
I’m a survivor of not even being granted a restraining order.
I’m a survivor of lying on the couch crying and in pain from the cuts all over me, while my boyfriend yelled at me for having sex with the rapist.
I’m a survivor of the sexual promiscuity of Bipolar causing me to cheat on my boyfriend.
I’m a survivor of that fact eating me alive and making me hate myself.
I’m a survivor of the love of my life (my husband)’s ex wife to be engaged to my rapist’s brother.
I’m a survivor of feeling no escape.
I’m a survivor of feeling like a used tissue.
I’m a survivor of feeling like anyone can come in and out of me, and I’m nothing anyway.
I’m a survivor of telling my boyfriend that I’m suicidal, and him texting back, “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
I’m a survivor of so many times in my life crying my eyes out in pain.
I’m a survivor of thinking that when I die it won’t be so bad, because at least I can escape all of this.
I’m a survivor of being in an inpatient psych unit.
I’m a survivor of panic attacks.
I’m a survivor of being in a country that severely under-funds mental health, causing so many deaths.
I’m a survivor of stigma.
I’m a survivor that ended up having three beautiful children, being baptized into Christ, marrying the love of her life, acquiring two beautiful step-children, having a house, and being surrounded by love daily.
I’m a survivor that ended up being glad she never killed herself.
I’m a survivor of knowing that it will always be a battle, but it always gets better.
I’m a survivor that knows that depression is a liar, and the feelings are temporary.
I’m a survivor that prays for everyone struggling with a mental illness.
It’s not easy. I hope you stick it out so you can see a brighter day. Trust me, there will be a better day. You just need to fight through the darkness first. It will make you so much stronger and it will shape the beautiful person you are. Don’t build a wall in front of yourself that is too tall to get over. There’s a brighter day, and it’s worth the fight. I’m with you, and you aren’t alone. You are never alone.
Truly yours,
Jess
