I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression for most of my life. I drank in excessive amounts in High School and cut myself often. I’d lay on the floor crying for hours about well many things…. I never imagined a life beyond the walls of my room in that house. I deeply hated myself and whenever something went wrong it would replay in my head like a broken record. I had nervous ticks i constantly did. I went to a college far from home hoping it would free me from the confines of my overbearing parents who often claimed I had been exaggerating or that depression was fake. I had been cutting. I often thought about suicide. I’d lock myself in a closet to keep myself from looking out a window since I lived on the 4th floor. I had been cutting deeply into my arms and was crashing hard. I went to the doctor for god knows what reason and a doctor had seen my cuts while taking my BP. 

Let’s call her Diana. Diana had a look of extreme concern in her eyes. She asked me about how i was feeling. She told me to get crisis help, and recommended a place. I went and got help. I bawled. I cried and talked so much about how I felt, and what I did wrong and what people had done to me in my life. I threw away my box cutter, and whenever i got an urge to cut i’d sit in a public place. Diana called me a week after my visit to check on me. That is what broke me finally. I told her everything is fine. She said goodbye to me with a sad twang as if she didn’t believe me. I cried after that call I never thought anyone cared about me. I never did. This motivated me to get help. I had gone to counseling for a year. I’ve been on medication for a few months and I’ve earned life back. I’m doing things that I haven’t done since I was so young and happy. I’m reading again, I’m cooking more, I worry less about my mistakes. The record in my head has finally stopped scratching itself, and it’s playing music I haven’t heard since I was 6. Please seek help if you can I’m serious. It helps it really really does. I never thought I would be 20 years old and here I am. Alive, and more alive than I ever thought I would be. Thank you Diana. Thank you to my counselors. I’m glad I never acted out on my thoughts or I wouldn’t be living the life I am now with medication.