Heart Breaks Constantly

Hi my name is Sam I’m writing this to share with you what I have to unfortunately see every day. My fiance has ptsd. Her virginity was not taken by the person she loved it wasn’t magical her virginity was taken by a disgusting guy who raped her. Her memory of her virginity being taken is him forcing her into his jeep and forcing himself in her. Then threatening her by saying that he would kill her family if she told anyone what he did to her. Now when she sees a jeep she gets triggered. If we’re walking and someone beeps she jumps. If she sees a Staten island number calling she goes into a panic. I cant even say his name or her heart sinks to the bottom of her stomach. At night it gets worse she constantly wakes up screaming. A lot of people think you have had to go to war to have ptsd and to me she did.  That’s why I call her my beautiful soldier. I wish I could say that this is the end to this story but unfortunately its not January 2018 she was raped again. I was at work I was picking up extra hours to support her because she couldn’t work because her ptsd was really bad she went to where she thought were her friends house she drank a little bit and suddenly was annihilated to the point she was in and out of consciousness. Someone drugged her I’m guessing it was him. She for a brief moment awoke and asked what was going on he replied “I came in your mouth” before that he tried to insert himself inside her but as you know its hard to do that when the other person is dry because they don’t want you. I tried calling all night I got home from work at 6am I had a feeling something was wrong I got a dry text saying she was sleeping there and she would call me when she woke up. I knew it wasn’t her texting. Finally at 10am she calls me and asks me if I can come to her which I found strange because I don’t drive so I had to take an uber which I asked her why she wouldn’t just take a uber home to me. But she said she just needed me to come. I asked no more questions and ordered a uber to her. When i got to her she was in some girls pajamas. I could tell immediately something was wrong she looked so frantic. When I finally got her home I asked her if anything happened last night at first she lied and said she cheated on me with this guy. I knew she was lying because she’s a lesbian. I told her fine then I want every detail what position everything. She kept stuttering and I can see her getting more and more upset. Finally she broke down and told me the truth. I began to hate myself and blame myself I should of left work and tried to find her. Im supposed to be her protector and I failed her. After that day her ptsd is worse than ever. She can’t be out long everything we do has to be quick. She started to hardly leave our apartment. The screams in her sleep louder now and instead of it happening once a night it now happens several times. Just now I came from down stairs I opened the door and she immediately jumped. It breaks my heart that such a beautiful heart and soul is constantly terrified. I wish that I could take it all away I wish it happened to me instead. I wish I could help her but I dont know how. Whoever reads this if you know any ways I can help her please let me know. I don’t want to see her suffer anymore. It kills me every day. If your reading this and have ptsd or know someone who does please stay strong it will get better you guys are the strongest people in the world. For the people that hurt you karma always does come back around and they will get exactly what they deserve.