I have been diagnosed with a long list of mental illnesses. I suffer from severe depression and anxiety, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD), and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Out of all of them, BPD affects my life the most. I have had BPD my whole life. From pre-school to elementary, I would cry the night before, the morning of, and during school because I wanted to be with my mother. One of the symptoms of BPD is fear of abandonment/paranoia of being abandoned. I did not want to be separated from my mother because I was afraid of being left behind.

Other symptoms of BPD are: feelings of extreme anger for no reason, a pattern of unstable relationships, disassociation, mood swings, depression, anxiety, impulsive dangerous behavior, feelings of emptiness, distorted and unstable self-image, and self-harm/suicidal ideations.

BPD also affects the way one thinks. They see things only as black or white - there is no gray area. In addition, people with BPD put someone they just met on a pedestal, then immediately drops them if the person says/does something they do not like/approve of. It can be the smallest thing and most times, the person has no idea that they did anything offensive. Having BPD distorts the mind, leaving the person unable to think clearly and logically.

I have burned so many bridges because of my fits of rage, my inability to handle stressful situations, and my attachment issues (fear of abandonment).
I have been in and out of the psychiatric ward at the hospital because of BPD. Every time I am released from the psychiatric ward I am hopeful and optimistic, praying that this will be the last time I will be in the psychiatric ward. Except, I always end up going back. I feel so frustrated because I am taking ten steps backwards from recovery.

Keep reading

Three years ago I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) when I was first stayed in the psych ward at the local hospital. I added that to my list of mental illnesses that my psychiatric had diagnosed me with - severe depression and anxiety, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Aside from me suffering the most with PTSD, I also struggle with BPD. Once I learned of my diagnosis, I researched it as much as I could - I asked mental health professionals about it, Googled it and read just about every article, and bought books about it. I realized I had suffered from BPD since I was in pre-school. The symptoms of BPD fit me perfectly. I had a fear of abandonment, extreme mood swings, self-harm, suicidal behavior, disassociation, random fits of rage, dangerous impulsive behavior, isolation, and a history and pattern of unstable relationships.

My parents have been nothing but understanding, compassionate, and have made a treatment plan for me (just in case I hit rock bottom). They ordered books off of Amazon about how to deal with people with BPD and studied up on it. Prior to my hospitalization in the psych ward, I avoided telling my parents how I was feeling and would cope by self-harm. Now, I talk to them when I am feeling suicidal, worthless, ugly, and like I don’t deserve to be alive. During these times, they stay close to me without suffocating me and patiently listen to me whenever I had something to say.

Keep reading

My name is Tyrene Casha. I am writing my story about how I recovered from mental health illness. I have recovered from numerous mental health disorders but the one I am discussing today is the disorder that haunted my existence for most of my life and caused me much pain and heartache; a borderline personality disorder.

I was not diagnosed till I was about 20 years old. When I was first diagnosed I laughed in my psychiatrist’s face and walked out. I didn’t even care if it was true or if it wasn’t, I was so high and life was great; what did it really matter? I can’t even remember why I was there in the first place to be honest. I spent most of my life on an impulse; using drugs and alcohol and craving danger. I had so much rage in me as well that if I was provoked, I became the danger. I was depressed at times but it meant very little because I was always on drugs. I spent ten years drinking and drugging to keep my disorder suppressed; re traumatizing myself and being traumatized in various ways that almost took my life till one day, I had enough. I decided to get sober and the breaking point for me was when I overdosed for the second time on methamphetamine; the first time was on ecstasy. This particular overdose brought me to the huge realization that there was something extremely wrong within me and I needed help.

Keep reading

I have been struggling with mental illness from a young age. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, adhd, ocd, borderline personality disorder, anxiety, psychogenic seizures, and a learning disability. I also am I recovering addict. I would like to spread my story to those in need to show them that the darkness does fade as long as you have the strength to flip the light. The goal is to inspire everyone but if that is not possible I aim to touch at least one person.

I was diagnosed with BPD when I was in the US Army in 1983. With several hundred therapy visits, 2+ years facilitating for NAMI Multnomah and my own strong determination to get better I was told by my therapist at the time, “You no longer display any of the characteristics of Borderline Personality Disorder”. I was floored!!! But I have not stopped striving to better my life. NAMI Connection has been an integral source of strength and knowledge for me. I am hoping to facilitate again where I now live.

I still have some mental health issues. ADHD and OCD are two of the most present now, but I have PTSD from the abuse I suffered growing up. I still see a therapist and most likely will for most of the remainder of my life. My husband and I are well versed in NAMI Connection. We first began going to a NAMI Connection group in 2013. My first visit was scary for me. I stood at the door to the room and froze. The facilitator, at that time, got up and led me by hand to a chair. I haven’t quit supporting NAMI. Everything I purchase at Amazon.com gives a percentage of my purchase to NAMI Multnomah!!!

Surviving trauma, tackling symptoms, maintaining sobriety, staying grounded, and finding reasons to smile ……my daily preoccupations. I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder with psychotic features, and anxiety disorder. My symptoms have had a negative impact on my life for years, until I went to partial hospitalization for the fourth or fifth time and actually decided to take control of my treatment. I decided that I wanted to stand on symptoms, rather than my symptoms standing on me. With the help of my therapist, a supportive church and personal family, and my DBT skills I am looking at recovery with a smile. I still have bad days, I still have symptoms, but I won’t allow myself to become totally debilitated my the stress of it all. I choose life, I choose health, I choose happiness! I am now a PT Peer Support Specialist in an Mental Health Apartment Program, assisting others in their recovery process. 

A note of inspiration: any domestic violence, rape, or molestation victim: there is hope past the harmful memories, pleasure past the pain, and definite happiness in your future. Just seek help, and believe in yourself. We are in the fight together. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! 

I have a lifelong history of mental health issues and am currently being treated for Borderline Personality Disorder as well as PTSD and anxiety/panic. A very wise therapist once told me that my problem was simple. “You have spent your life fighting your illness instead of trying to find ways to learn to live with it.” but it took a lot of time for me to finally accept my limitations. As a result of my battling against myself I feel I failed to advocate for my own needs effectively, added to the stigma by refusing to accept my own illness, and created more issues for myself. 

As a mental health professional myself how could I advocate for others if I could not even admit that I have BPD, PTSD, and chronic anxiety? How can I tell my clients that WE have nothing to be ashamed of if I was ashamed of me? I knew that self respect could only come through a willingness to accept myself but I felt so much shame. It didn’t take much to shut me up when I did try to speak up about it. I honestly had a professor take me aside and tell me not to share that information with people because they would not hire me if they thought I was crazy. This very professor had taught us that acceptance was critical in our relationships with our clients yet instead of supporting me, he shamed me too and it had a negative impact on my education for awhile.

Keep reading

I feel for my husband and 9 year old son that they have had to not only deal with me being Bipolar type 1 but for the past 2 years now they have had to deal with me being in a psychosis and very paranoid.  I also have ADHD, PTSD, Paranoid Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder where I do have panic attacks, schizoaffective disorder, kleptomania, OCD, and possibly now split personalities. Ive tried committing suicide when I was young and I always have had thoughts. I have an eating disorder and impulse disorderThere are more but Im trying to not be 302’d.  I was in a car accident because of the illnesses and all the medications my doctor prescribed me and traumas I was dealing with in my environment that led me to get a DUI because of the ADHD med and I got a felony.  I believe the police officer was not trained in mental illness even though he lied on the stand and said he was and he 302’d me for a week. And then put in jail on suicide watch.  I received no help from the community and my illness just kept getting worse and I decided to give up rights to my son until I become more stable.  My husband and I were homeless for about a year and now he lives with my son and his grandma and I live with my stepmom.  We also went thru 2 discrimination cases that went no where because who are people going to believe, a non-profit organization or a mentally ill addict with a criminal background.  Im trying to have faith in my community that things will start getting better for all of us.  My only hope lands on believing that there is a GOD.  

My name is Catrena but I go by Cat or BearCat and I’m 28 years old. I was continuously sexually, physically, and psychologically abused as a child, as well as neglected due to substance abuse in the home.This has left me with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive disorder, and a possible Bipolar diagnosis. Living with many disorders has left me unable to work in a traditional job setting. In fact, my disorders have landed me in the hospital twice this year with suicidal thoughts and manic episodes. I am thriving in my own way, however, having become engaged this year, as well as embarking on a long time goal of becoming a public speaker. I have been through Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, EMDR, and psychotherapy. Many days are dark and stormy, but with the support of medical professionals as well as my loving fiance, I know I can be a mentally ill and successful person. I have chosen to be on mood stabilizers, but I love hearing ways that people find to thrive while recovering and maintaining mental illnesses. I am always searching for new opportunities to connect and help other individuals who struggle with mental illness find positive ways to cope with their symptoms and live each moment as a gift. I am here to say that while many days can be tough, living with mental illness is not any reason to feel like you cannot be loved and successful in this lifetime.  

I feel for my husband and 9 year old son that they have had to not only deal with me being Bipolar type 1 but for the past 2 years now they have had to deal with me being in a psychosis and very paranoid.  I also have ADHD, PTSD, Paranoid Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder where I do have panic attacks, schizoaffective disorder, kleptomania, OCD, and possibly now split personalities. Ive tried committing suicide when I was young and I always have had thoughts. I have an eating disorder and impulse disorderThere are more but Im trying to not be 302’d.  I was in a car accident because of the illnesses and all the medications my doctor prescribed me and traumas I was dealing with in my environment that led me to get a DUI because of the ADHD med and I got a felony.  I believe the police officer was not trained in mental illness even though he lied on the stand and said he was and he 302’d me for a week. And then put in jail on suicide watch.  I received no help from the community and my illness just kept getting worse and I decided to give up rights to my son until I become more stable.  My husband and I were homeless for about a year and now he lives with my son and his grandma and I live with my stepmom.  We also went thru 2 discrimination cases that went no where because who are people going to believe, a non-profit organization or a mentally ill addict with a criminal background.  Im trying to have faith in my community that things will start getting better for all of us.  My only hope lands on believing that there is a GOD.