My New Life, Alone

Hi,

I’ve dealt with depression and anxiety since I was very young due to my parents. Now I’m 38 and fighting 2 debilatating chronic/autoimmune illnesses that I’m treating with Ultraviolet blood Irradiation. The past 2.5 years have been a complete life change as I have 30+ symptoms and then lost the closest person to me last October. My depression and anxiety is at it’s worse. My parents are emotionally unavailable and have a few close friends who are supportive but don’t understand how dark the darkness is right now. Lately I’ve thought dying would be easier than fighting this. I live with my boyfriend of 11 years who’s always been patient, kind and understanding of me and this illness is tearing us apart. I see a psychologist and psychiatrist among other specialists. My adrenal levels are so low and to explain those symptoms alone are hard for others to get but the lack of adrenals alone are insane. I feel like my peers and Drs are not getting the severity of my life at this point meanwhile I’m hanging on by a thread. I’m so tired of the overwhelming sadness and everything these illnesses have taken from me. I used to be happy, have energy, creative and now I’m a lump in bed that can’t feed myself. How does this happen?? What advice would you tell someone in this darkness? I am trying to see if some sort of relief exists locally where there is a safe place for people my age live while being treated until I’m better. Thank you for listening!
Best,
Maria