*trigger warning* PTSD
It was bitterly cold outside. New Year’s had came and gone. I met him online and thought he was an alright guy to be around. Because we knew familiar acquaintance’s, I instantly felt more comfortable around him. It started getting weird between us a couple months into our relationship. We began fighting frequently about petty things, he was staying at my house every day, and I had even made a key for him. Huge mistake.
T** enjoyed meth very much, I turned my head when he used. He didn’t smoke it, snort it, or eat it. He injected it. He didn’t sleep, he didn’t eat, and he didn’t have a job. He used me as a get-away vehicle to drive around in the evenings and steal metal, tin, or aluminum for money. This occurred at random farm places, across fields, and in the deep snow. At the time, I was smoking a lot of marijuana and I didn’t want him to say anything to anyone about it. He agreed if I would do this for him.
The night that shit hit the fan, my parents were living in North Dakota. Normally this wouldn’t have any significance, but T**, held a shotgun to my head, and involuntary pushed me into my vehicle to drive out to their house. On the way there, he would grab the wheel every now and then to be “funny”, also forced my right leg down so that we would be driving at an incredible rate. From where I live to there house was about 8 miles.
When we arrived, I ran as fast as I could to the front door, keys shaking in my hand to get it unlocked. He was right on my tail. I started yelling, “Help!”. My grandparents used to live right down the road from my parents and I thought that maybe they would be able to hear me? T** began to laugh his evil laugh, “You think they can hear you out here?” “Why do you think I brought you out here in the first place?” I was trembling and crying so badly I could hardly breath. I ran into the house and he ran in right behind me.
Immediately I went into the bathroom/laundry room and began calling my family, anyone that would answer. He grabbed my neck and took me down to the floor. I was frantically trying to get loose by kicking my legs. It was no use, he was too strong! Just before I thought I was going to pass out, he let go. I was alive! I could breathe! I climbed up the stairs to my parents bedroom and locked the door, he had my cellphone. For some reason I didn’t care at that time, I was free!
The next morning, he pounded on the door so hard it unlocked. He apologized and I forgave him. I was too scared not too. He continued to stay at my house for a couple of months. I slowly began backing away from him. He frightened me. At times, he would be standing next to me in the middle of the night, staring at my face. I had to get my keys back. I couldn’t tell ANYONE.
I don’t remember how we ended it or how I got my keys back, but it’s done. I wasn’t able to talk about this for years after it happened. I was still afraid that he would come after me. My mother told me every time you tell it, your giving it away. I cherish her words.
Today, it has been about 5 years since this happened. Get help. Talk about it. It gets better each time. I choose to be happy.