Saved by grace of God

I was in a relationship with someone who I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. The first year was absolutely amazing, we fell in love so fast, everything seemed to be going perfect like a fairytale. Slowly I started noticing weird things, but I continued to deny that he could do anything to jeopardize our relationship. I was in complete denial. Here this guy who I was going to marry, was liking other women pictures on Instagram, and when confronted he said he was just ‘giving the women confidence’ and that I was ‘overreacting’…. like what? My own ‘fiance’ was Liking other women pictures to give THEM confidence?.. so that is when I started second guessing myself. We would start getting into fights, where i was always blamed in the end. Nothing was ever his fault. Apparently I needed to get myself checked bc apparently I was the ‘crazy one’ in the relationship. He started to get super angry, throwing things during arguments, getting out the car in the middle of the road and started walking home, I had to beg him driving beside him on a busy road to ‘forgive me, I was wrong, now get back into the car’, yet I was still the ‘crazy one.’ I was so confused. I started to believe the words he said bc this was the ‘love of my life’. It was bad. During one of the worst fights ever, I prayed. I prayed to God bc there was honestly nothing left in me. I was drained, mentally. I said “God I can’t do this anymore. Please Lord help me. I don’t know what to do right now. Please” During the argument, after I had finished praying, I felt a sudden sense of peace and joy in my heart and soul. He left. And I sat there alone with the most beautiful feeling I can’t even explain. I was calm. I felt at peace. This is when my relationship with the Lord blossomed. The Lord gave me the strength to end the relationship. Now afterwards, I suffered with severe anxiety. I would have panic attacks. I had no idea what was going on with me. I’m a nurse, so I knew about anxiety but I didn’t think it was REAL. And oh my goodness, it’s real. The first time it happened I had 911 dialed on my phone bc I thought I was having a heart attack. I prayed throughout every second of my anxiety attacks. I never prayed so much in my life than during that time. I grew up Christian but my faith was on another level. I gave my entire trust to the Lord. Even though I didn’t exactly understand what emotional rollercoaster I was going through, I trusted God and took it day by day. I saw a doctor and was put on an antidepressant which in my culture gave me anxiety to think about taking such thing. I did not understand how I, a strong women, could be so weak that I had to be put on an antidepressant. I could not control my emotions. It was very hard to deal with. I put my trust in the Lord— that if the grace of God saved me from a terrible relationship, HE WILL save me through this. It was a constant daily battle though but I believed His word.

It’s about 7-8 months now after I ended that relationship. I am now off my medicine. Back to my happy loving self. I forgive him and pray for him daily. Life has taught me a big lesson. Fall in love with God first. He will help you fall in love with yourself. God is only good. We are all God’s creations. No matter the age, color, sex, we are his children. He is our protector! Nobody will love us like He loves us. If we think some man on earth is going to fill in that empty feeling of love over our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?… you will be very disappointed.

Therefore, when times are hard and evil gets inside your thoughts making you question yourself and your worth, simply remind those thoughts who your God is, and what He is capable of. I am proof He saves. He saved me. Amen. God bless you all. Women, stay strong. You are beautiful and you are worthy.