The fog in your head

The lead in your legs

The hollow chasm that was once your stomach

One day they lift for a second

And that second is the spark

The spark you hold

And care for

With wounded hands

The spark you look at

And say: I see you, you get to grow up so big and strong and bright 

Then the second becomes two

And three

And eventually a minute

And you can breathe 5 free breaths

And hear a soft bird song

And then one day

Two minutes

And that’s enough to make a cup of tea

And savor

No matter how lonely

No matter how tired

Those seconds and minutes and hours

Matter 

Hours become days

Days become weeks

Weeks months

And you are back

Don’t ever look at a second like it didn’t mean a thing

It’s the cell that divides again and again

So your body can be yours again 

A bit about me: I have developmental trauma. After my husband and business partner left me, I was unable to get out of bed, walk, talk or write. The severe phase of my depression lasted about 3 months, and the bearable part of it about 9 more. It took 3 more years to start to have dreams again. It’s been 11 years since. My life has changed dramatically, the way I treat myself, my emotional and mental health and my daily life have been completely transformed. I am whole and happy and I have lots of support from my community, family and my therapists. I have stayed in therapy this whole time. I have remarried, and we are planning a baby :) It gets better. Do not give up.