I have struggled with chronic depression for many years. With active, children at home I was busy with purpose and able to function for the most part. Now, as a 50+, woman who was a successful, administrative RN now have diagnosed,full blown, clinical depression, hypomania and severe anxiety with verbally violent outbursts at times of severe episodes, I wonder if there is also a component of PTSD, which I will be speaking with my Psch about at my next appt.. On top of this I’ve been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I’m unable to perform any critical thinking jobs. I am unable to be reliable due to day to day symptoms; depression, anxiety, exhaustion and pain. I’ve been un the disability claim process for greater than 4 years. I have lost my home,  if it weren’t for my dad, I would have lost my vehicle years ago. I struggle to pay any and all bills. I currently live with family…it’s a definitely stressful living arrangement. I feel an absolute failure. Going from a successful professional with a substantial income to homeless and living in poverty. 

I have found a perfect Psychiatrist for me. He completely changed my med regime and I now feel like living, less anxiety and a less manic episodes. He has literally saved my life. I’ve told him so! My pain is not controlled and probably never will be related to my Fibro.

My outlook is dim at best. The disability process, is ridiculous and has, in combination with my new normal of mental illness and Fibro has made me seriously question if it’s all worth it. Brink of suicide was my thought process until I met my new Psychiatrist.  My other and just as importantly are my children and grand babies that have kept me going . I’m adjusting to this new normal for me but it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

If only there were some financial assistance while this disability insurance claim is processed. (To repeat….its been approx a 4 year process and we are now in our last appeal process) I am not hopeful.

All of this has literally ruined my life!