I never thought of myself as Depressed

I never considered myself as a depressed person, just reserved but more and more, depression has rrevealed itself in my life. Call it a slew of bad brakes, financial probelms, being a single mother of seven, being a sexually and mentally abused child, relationships that end in pregnancy and being left alone or better yet, feeling abandoned. I can pretty much write a book on all the trauma and pain, I have suffered as a child and an adult woman over the years. I have lived many years in the US without legal status and wanting so badly to be legal,  but it never happened. Then time caught up to me and I realized that even at the age of 40, I had nothing to show for it. No person I could truly depend on or who really understoods me. I have 8 children with 6 different fathers. I’m married to a man who is not caring or understanding and I realize what a mistake I made choosing him. It’s the mistake I make with all the men I have chosen. Finding someone broken and traumatized like me and hoping to fix them. At the same time not being able to fix myself. There is so much more that I can say, but I will stop there before I start to cry and feel my life is a total failure! One thing I have found strenth in,  is my faith in God. I don’t have all the answers to everything, but I have faith that somehow someday, it will all work out for the best! Even in the midst of wanting to give up on Life, I refuse to go out that way! This is what keeps me alive when I feel there is nothing left to live for…also my love for my children and the desire to give them a better life than what I had. Yes I’m depressed and suffer from social anxiety, but somewhere is this great big world and life ….there is a happy ending for me! I have faith!