16 years ago I was diagnosed with bipolar.  This came after almost losing my life, Marriage and causing much despair for my entire family.  Last year I felt very well and sure I could manage without medications.  I had been trying to be healthy by not drinking, going to church, exercising, etc.  Falsely I believed that without taking meds I would be FREE of mental illness and blend back into society as a “normal” individual.  My health care provider could not reason with me and so began my journey back into symptoms and despair.

At first I believed I was managing well.  But, during this time my father was declining in health and died.  Also, menopause kicked in and 2 of my children began planning weddings.  Coupled with my husband’s stressful job all of this gave me reason to think my symptoms were normal grief, menopausal symptoms, or everyday worries of life.

After privately patting myself on the back that I had gone a whole year without meds I couldn’t understand why I felt so isolated, exhausted, up/down and anxious. Everything about life became HARD.. My family/husband seemed like the enemy. My job, that I love, became exhausting and THINGS THAT WERE ME WERE FALLING ONE-BY-ONE.  Everyday chores became an uphill battle.  Again I just kept finding excuses that this was just normal life..

My loving husband had come to the breaking point of despair.  Of course I did not think this had anything to do with me.  I was not taking meds so I WAS CURED, RIGHT?!?  Finally I could not get to my doctor’s office fast enough.  Thankfully my medications are starting to make a difference and the sinking ship of MY LIFE IS RESURFACING.  Hopefully the collateral damage  I have caused can be repaired.  I am thanking God for opening my eyes and again saving my life.

My love and encouragement to anyone suffering is DON’T WAIT ANOTHER MOMENT.  PLEASE SEEK MEDICAL HELP NOW!  You may feel that family/friends have abandoned you but THIS IS YOUR ILLNESS TALKING.  They may be tired and don’t know what to say or do anymore for you.  They love you beyond measure but they are human.

Know that YOU ARE  A PRECIOUS GIFT FROM GOD!  He has special plans for your life.    Mental illness may be a “cross to bear” BUT YOU CAN DO IT—BUT NOT ALONE!  You need your team of family, friends, faith, doctors and the community.  Like with any illness a team approach provides the best outcome.

This weekend my son gets married. I am happy to say that I will be in front, with my husband, sending him off into a FUTURE FILLED WITH HOPE.  Perhaps if I didn’t seek medical help my picture would be on the memory table….