Guess what month it is??? Mental health awareness month!!  I am always smiling , having fun and willing to lend a helping hand to ANYONE. This is very personal but I have decided to share my story and journey with hopes to help someone else. I struggle with anxiety and depression daily, I bet by looking at me in public you could never tell that could you? Yeah I didn’t think so. All of my life things never came super easy. My parents divorced when I was younger, my grandmother had cancer, my mom was diagnosed with epilepsy, there was addiction in the family, my mom worked two jobs , and my grandmother passed away. It may not seem like much but you NEVER know what someone else is going through because I promise you I made sure that my outward appearance never showed what I was dealing with daily. I held it all in just so I didn’t have to put my problems on anyone else. 

I made very good grades in school and I was very involved with my community and school. I am class president, SGA representative, Beta club member, Spanish club member, honor roll member, junior ambassador member, youth engagement chair on the relay for life committee, and an employer at the Pampered Belle Boutique. I always kept myself busy to make sure even I couldn’t see my struggles and face reality. I constantly beat myself up if I didn’t make that 100 that i was striving for or didn’t do as good as i thought i would. I always put myself down in order to make someone else feel better. I always put everyone else first and myself last. I became physically and mentally exhausted. I didn’t know how I was going to keep going in life because I was only 15 and I thought things were getting worse each and every day. I thought “man I can’t catch a break”. I thought “geez do these people not see I’m struggling”. I thought “ I can’t get out of this bed”. I was AFRAID of what would happen next. I felt like my world was crumbling. I didn’t realize I had a purpose in life. I was embarrassed that I felt different than others. I was embarrassed because I was in “therapy”. I was so afraid of others seeing me fail. I wanted out!! There were days when i couldn’t open my eyes , get out of bed , or talk. There were days that i just wished i could fall asleep and not wake up. There were countless nights I couldn’t fall asleep or days where all i did was sleep. It was like a light switch. I could be fine one minute and the next minute i felt like my world was falling apart for no certain reason.On March 21,2019 I made a life threatening decision. I attempted to take my life away by overdosing. I was life flighted to a hospital. I was so upset and embarrassed. I felt like I let my parents and friends down. I didn’t know what was going to happen , and i was so afraid of being judged. I was so sick. After a few days I was taken to a different unit where I was with other people my age who were facing some of the same issues as I was. I was there for two whole weeks. Watching my small community and family come together was absolutely breathtaking. I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart to each and everyone who took the time to say a prayer, send a card, or money to me and my family during our darkest times!! You will never know how much it means to me!! After being in the hospitalI was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression. Yeah, that was a lot for me to swallow. Knowing that something was actually wrong with me and that I would have to deal with this every day for the rest of my life was like running into a brick wall. Reading the cards, text messages, and hearing my parents tell me how much I am loved, really changed my whole perspective on things. I felt like I had a purpose. I began to realize, since I like helping people so much then here is my chance to make a change in someone else’s life. With that being said, mental health and suicide is not something to push to the side. IT IS SO IMPORTANT!! Always be willing to listen to someone if they need to talk, and ALWAYS have that one person that you can talk to!! Never be afraid to express how you feel, there is someone out there who is willing to listen .Thank you all again from the bottom of my heart for all of the love ,prayers ,and support. I am so very blessed and thankful for a second chance to live this beautiful life!!