Ataque de Nervios, or, Panic Attacks: What revs me up and what calms me down *Trigger Warning*
In my culture (Puerto Rican), it is commonplace to describe people who go into hysterics as having an “ataque de nervios” which literally translates into “an attack of your nerves.”
In actuality, ataque de nervios are what we generally describe as panic attacks. I have lived many years with various versions of panic attacks and it’s because of this I thought I would describe what one can look like for me, and what helps calm me down.
First, many times, mental health clinicians will describe a panic attack as your body feeling lots of adrenaline pumping through it, your heartbeat might be racing, and you may feel out of breath. They also say that most panic attacks last only a few minutes long. Let me dispel that myth. Because I have co-occurring disorders, I may be in a panic attack without knowing it. This is due to my tendency to dissociate when in distress. This does not mean I do not feel the same symptoms described above, merely I may not recognize it right away.
Latinx folks do not have the award for the most ataque de nervios. Some folks say that Latinx people are naturally exaggerated people and so are their emotions. Let’s dispel this myth as well. Any person may experience panic attacks, and sometimes it is our cultural norms that define how we express that. I can only speak from my experience, and I know I saw a lot of displays of panic as a child, and I probably learned some expressions of anxiety through family and friends. This does not however, diminish the fact that my panic attacks can sometimes affect my whole entire body.
Recently, I became panicked because I became obsessed that I would not be able to accomplish a goal and for hours, I perseverated, cried, my heart beat was racing, my thoughts were going a mile a minute, and I felt physically sick. It was when I started feeling physically sick that I realized, “I believe I am having a panic attack.” Some things that help me calm down is to look at pictures of my kids, listen to music, drink water, take a hot shower, or lay down and do muscle relaxation through breathing. All of these techniques I have learned from others who also suffer from panic attacks, and from the therapists I work with.
Another thing that I find is not helpful to me is when I am around people and am having a panic attack, my speech may speed up or I start jumping from one conversation to another. I can tell you what does not help me—do not tell me to calm down. Those words trigger more panic because of my trauma history I have where people did not believe me when I was trying to get help.
Instead, letting me talk is the best way to help me calm down. My best friend of over 30 years will often remind me of a funny memory, or, literally say “Let’s stop for a moment.” For me, because he is a safe person, it is extremely helpful to hear those words because it is also a code for me that I am panicking and need to stop and breathe. Seeing the world through a panic lens does not always make sense. Like when I panicked when I thought I would not accomplish a goal, this is a common fear for many people. The question is, why do I get panic attacks?
Because it is common in my culture for people, especially women, to display symptoms of panic in open spaces, I did not know until later in life that I had been having panic attacks since I was a teenager. When I was a teenager, I worried incessantly about my parents because of domestic violence. I worried because I knew I was Queer but I did not know what words to use to describe it nor did I feel safe telling it to anyone. My panic attacks took on physical symptoms as well, as I would sit there holding my stomach in pain and wind up in the bathroom getting sick. I had so much anxiety I had TMJ at age 13.
Learning how to slow down a panic attack takes a lot of patience and time. It helps if you have supportive people that can guide you, but if you just have yourself, the first thing is not to get upset over the fact that you are upset! I know I get panic attacks because my mental health conditions have me on high alert and expecting the worse. I also know that if I keep reminding myself that I have gotten through many a panic attack, the one I am having will not kill me.