Tough Times

So this is my first time looking into one of these websites. I was diagnosed with depression about 4 years ago now. But my whole life seems to have been a struggle with depression, ever since I was a little kid I have always had this emptiness inside. Even though I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, major depression, PTSD, anxiety, as well as many other things, I still have a problem with accepting that these are my problems. I take medication for everything, sometimes it seems like the medication is just suppressing how I really feel deep down inside.For a long tine I fought within myself about what was right and wrong for myself. I still have no idea what is best, except that I know how I feel inside is not normal.

It seems like the harder I try to get my life on track, the harder it is to get out of this funk. My boyfriend doesn’t understand what I truly go through each day, within myself. The thoughts and feelings can be overwhelming and when I try to talk t him about anything, he takes it as me complaining. I cannot talk to him about anything without seeming like I a complainer or a bitch about everything. I just know that if I cannot find a way to destroy this depression, I am afraid it will be the end of me, figuratively and literally. it is hard to push through each day when I feel so alone in everything I do. I mean I can’t even express my feelings with my boyfriend, the one person who is supposed to be there as my support and rock. Maybe the last four years were a learning experience. It will be a tough road, all I can do is try my best. 

I guess I just wanted to write this, so that other people out there know that they are not alone in how they feel. Even though we all feel alone most of the time. Because people like my boyfriend tell us to get over it, its all in your head, or that nothing is really wrong. This may be the case for him, but I have had to accept that these feelings and thoughts are not just in my head. They effect my everyday life and have much more control over me than I have over them. just stay strong.