The First Day

on the first day i wake up
it’s time to start at my new school
will i like it there?

on the second day
i get up very early
and cry walking to the bus stop

on the third day
i tell my mom i miss my friends
she took my phone for the first week

on the fourth day
i put on another layer
it’s getting cold

on the fifth day
there is a creeping anxiety
i don’t know anyone

on the sixth day
i can talk to my friends again
but everything feels the same

time is blurring together
what day is it?
i’m struggling to stand upright

my legs ache, i tremble as i get up
it isn’t supposed to be like this
i was supposed to be untouchable

everyone is still wearing shorts
but i am freezing in layers
misery creeps inside

these feelings are dull, now
nothing really helps
the pain is a constant in the background

my fingers are numb
and i stumble and fall
as i walk down the steps on the bus

what happened?
i wonder
what changed?

the exhaustion has set in
i am so, so tired
no amount of rest ever seems to be enough

i have decided
i don’t like my new school
everything is getting worse

but am i to blame to that?
i wonder
why else would people treat me the way they do?

it must have been something i did
i think to myself
as i cry over the distance between us

i used to have interests
i don’t know where they went
i used to have feelings