Growing Up With Bipolar Was Brutal

My family is plagued with mental illness and having my own diagnosis of Bipolar II, is a relief. After reading one of the submissions about living with a bipolar mother, I feel compelled to share my experience too. Both my mother and step-father had mental illness. They both committed suicide, my mother when I was 15 years old, and my step-father when I was 21 years old. My biological father and I did not have a relationship due to his addiction to methamphetamines and alcohol, so in his own way he has been committing suicide slowly my whole life. I am now 30 years old, I have done my fair share of processing my grief and anger I harbored toward my parents and I have come to terms that holding them accountable for their actions is like being angry at a kid for wetting the bed. They couldn’t help it and they didn’t know any better. I had my own addiction problems in my 20’s, trying to self medicate and forget my pain, but it wasn’t until I got sober that I realized that my unhealthy behavior was familiar to me and all I knew growing up. I had the gift of learning better and doing better and now I 

believe that my parents tried and that it wasn’t easy for them. Having my own diagnosis, I understand the struggle in knowing that something is wrong with me but just not knowing what. I miss having parents but I don’t necessarily miss my parents. I really believe that they did the best they could but if they were still around, I wouldn’t have had the clarity I have today to get help for my disorder and do better then they did. I have a younger sister who has mental illness and is on the autism spectrum and we have a healthy relationship today. We struggled in the past and she has her own set of problems and unhealthy ways and it hurts me that I can’t make things better for her, but I know that by getting my own life together I am setting a good example for her. I have my good days and bad days but overall I stay grateful for what I have and just have compassion for people suffering with the disease of mental illness. I try not to dwell on the past and share my struggle with mental illness hoping it gives people inspiration that not every person with this disease stays sick.