It’s Worth Honesty and Compassion

I remember reading about Ernest Hemingway when I was a teenager. I thought he displayed a great deal of courage to write this passionate line.

“Write hard and clear about what hurts.”

It seemed he endured much pain and he grew much integrity through it.

It felt disheartening finding out that Hemingway completed suicide in 1961.

I think that suicide should always be taken seriously, and those who need help should immediately seek help in crisis.

I often think that Hemingway and many others like him did not lose any of their integrity because of their suicides. I feel that sometimes we’re afraid to give them the credit they are due from the life they lived, because we fear what else it might cause us to feel. I’ve struggled with this a lot.

I have easily been caught in a whirlwind when I find out someone I know completes suicide. I suddenly imagine them like they abandoned me and everything that happened was my fault. Or I might know someone who attempted and start to have similar feelings and feel they are too much to take on in my life. If anything, not telling them how I feel will only cause them to feel less supported and more ashamed of what they did.

I would of course grieve and mourn a suicide of someone close. I’d be angry about it.

But I now ask myself when I feel anger about suicide come on…

What am really feeling?

Am I angry because they I feel hurt by them? I try not to condemn myself for this. I’ve been in this place. Both sides, even. I’ve felt immense anger toward the friend who I felt hurt by. Then I have moved on in my grief to realize they’re broken mental illness, they’re broken situation, and my broken heart were where my feelings came from. Really, the anger I felt so deeply was secondary emotions of fear and doubt.

If you don’t know me, I have a variety of Physical and Mental Health conditions. I have graciously found mental stability this year. I have felt much joy despite much physical pain and situational roller coasters.

As a teenager, I remember thinking that following healthy routines was ridiculous. I would read about MH advocates succeeding well with Chronic Mental Health Diagnoses, creating balance to stay stable. I completely dismissed this.

Age 24, earlier this year, I nearly died. I then wanted to fight for my life, accepted the serious medication intervention, and finally realized that everything around me wasn’t out to get me. I’ve been making goals and growing at creating balance and routine. I’ve been making plans based on what is best for my future, despite life’s circumstances.

I don’t believe Hemingway left this earth with nothing else to say or feel. Maybe at some point he felt lost in how to express himself. I think a lot of us can feel that way sometimes.

I really REALLY wish we did this more. - Speak hard and clear about what hurts to each other. I think many of us are afraid of judgement from each. I am! I personally often find myself being more honest to others when they are compassionate listeners.

Maybe it comes easy to some to be honest and compassionate. Maybe it doesn’t come easy to others. I’m continuing to grow in this area. I’ve asked myself…

Is it worth talking about my feelings? Is it worth compassionately and non-judgmentally listening?

In both cases, it is 110% worth it.

Why? Why?? WHYYYYY??? It creates bonds of trust! And much more! Forgiveness to name one more.

Where is my anger going to be directed toward when someone breaks that trust? Truth is, anger wouldn’t really be what I’m feeling again. There are secondary emotions below the surface like before, fear and doubt and anything else it could be. Taking a breath and recognizing this, would allow me much more clarity before I send them a text I’ll regret. I may start to feel compassion toward them. They’re a good friend, and they intended to be there.

There is a level of responsibility in any relationship, but I don’t need to dwell that. If I need to set boundaries, I’ll do that to protect myself. I try not to forget that trust takes time and express my feelings about that.

Whether you are someone who struggles with Mental Illness or not, we can all support each other. As someone who has Mental Illness, I advocate for honesty and compassion in all relationships. Also as someone who has supported those with Mental Illness, it’s not a friendship to be afraid of. I am honored to have the relationships I have; honesty and compassion are worth it.

Let’s grow together.

Sincerely,

Abigail