The Turnaround

I recall depression when I was 5 years old. It would rain on my birthday parties. I hated rain. My mom told me rain is good for plants, lakes, people because it supplies water we drink and use.

When I turned 16 years old, I prepared to graduate from high school a year early. I could not attend the college I wanted, I had to stay home and attend a Jr. College which was high school to me. I had to get my money back from a college I sent scholarship funds to, I could not major in my career choice, my best friend grandmother was killed the day after Mother’s Day, and 2 weeks before high school graduation. I was torn up. My English teacher at college told me I dont know what I believe in. I became severely depressed and suicidal. I put on a front but was dead inside. Then this so called friend date raped me while two friends put their clothes on and got out of the car instead of helping me. The guy told me that’s what people do when they plan to get married. When I tried to tell my mother she turned her back and closed the door and walked to her bedroom and closed that door. I lost myself. Totally. I was mad at God. 

I had a chemical imbalance in 1995 on my job st AT&T. Management used my ill daughter’s doctor visits against my attendance.  BiPolar II diagnosed by AT&T doctors. Every week I am in therapy. My psychiatrist is inspiration me. She is the 2nd one. Fifteen years I had MI care/treatment but had to move from narcissistic husband. 2nd one. 

I’m still learning about my health and I practice what I learn. Good heals me in different ways. I went to long without proper care. Nevertheless,  i am better for that breakdown. My old ways are gone poker i work projects go find my body of them. The Bible is my foundation to recovery and i take my meds. I want to live. I’m living the best life outstanding appearances and it. You will get better. You are worth the fight!