I’m More Than My Diagnoses.
I am diagnosed with bipolar disorder, acute anxiety, ADHD, PTSD and insomnia. I was diagnosed eight years ago after the sudden and tragic deaths of both my mother and friend within six months of each other. I attempted suicide almost a year to the day of my mother’s death. I was on life support for four days but I made it through. I have two boys, they were 8 and 13 at the time. I almost left them. I almost left them the way my mom left me. Both my mother and my friend that passed away committed suicide. It would take me many years and therapy and self love to even begin to forgive myself for that selfish choice I made. I always knew I was different. I always felt something was “wrong” with me. That I wasn’t like everyone else. Well I wasn’t like everyone else. It was a psychiatric nurse practitioner that took the time to properly diagnose me that helped me to understand my illnesses, she saved my life. I was actually relieved when I was diagnosed because I always wondered what was wrong with me, why I was different. Being diagnosed made sense to me and gave me hope, hope that my life and behaviors could make sense. I’ve been aware of my illnesses now for eight years. I have been on multiple medications for eight years. I go to all my medication management appointments, I’ve been in therapy for eight years, I have studied my illnesses, I have gone to intensive outpatient therapy, I talk about my illnesses. I do every thing I possibly can every single day to keep myself safe and healthy. But, the reality is I still have bad days. I’ve lost my health insurance several times and gone without my meds which resulted in me getting very sick. I call it my crazy when I get sick. Some days regardless of my meds I still have mania, depression, anxiety, PTSD, and severe insomnia. The thing is I don’t give in to my illnesses. I don’t let them win. They can’t win. I am not my illnesses, I am more than my diagnoses. I want to help others. I want to be an example of what it looks like to live a healthy life while living with mental illness. So I’ll write here on my good days and bad and hope that just maybe one person reads it that needs a glimmer of hope.

