I'm More Than My Diagnoses.

I’m More Than My Diagnoses.

I am diagnosed with bipolar disorder, acute anxiety, ADHD, PTSD and insomnia. I was diagnosed eight years ago after the sudden and tragic deaths of both my mother and friend within six months of each other. I attempted suicide almost a year to the day of my mother’s death. I was on life support for four days but I made it through. I have two boys, they were 8 and 13 at the time. I almost left them. I almost left them the way my mom left me. Both my mother and my friend that passed away committed suicide. It would take me many years and therapy and self love to even begin to forgive myself for that selfish choice I made. I always knew I was different. I always felt something was “wrong” with me. That I wasn’t like everyone else. Well I wasn’t like everyone else. It was a psychiatric nurse practitioner that took the time to properly diagnose me that helped me to understand my illnesses, she saved my life. I was actually relieved when I was diagnosed because I always wondered what was wrong with me, why I was different. Being diagnosed made sense to me and gave me hope, hope that my life and behaviors could make sense. I’ve been aware of my illnesses now for eight years. I have been on multiple medications for eight years. I go to all my medication management appointments, I’ve been in therapy for eight years, I have studied my illnesses, I have gone to intensive outpatient therapy, I talk about my illnesses. I do every thing I possibly can every single day to keep myself safe and healthy. But, the reality is I still have bad days. I’ve lost my health insurance several times and gone without my meds which resulted in me getting very sick. I call it my crazy when I get sick. Some days regardless of my meds I still have mania, depression, anxiety, PTSD, and severe insomnia. The thing is I don’t give in to my illnesses. I don’t let them win. They can’t win. I am not my illnesses, I am more than my diagnoses. I want to help others. I want to be an example of what it looks like to live a healthy life while living with mental illness. So I’ll write here on my good days and bad and hope that just maybe one person reads it that needs a glimmer of hope.

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Swimming Saved My Life
I’ve gotten so many private messages asking me what caused this recent positive change in my mental health that I’ve lost count. The answer is simple. Exercise. Whether you struggle with a mental illness or not, exercise is... — Swimming Saved My Life
I’ve gotten so many private messages asking me what caused this recent positive change in my mental health that I’ve lost count. The answer is simple. Exercise. Whether you struggle with a mental illness or not, exercise is something we all need in our lives to stay healthy. Being diagnosed with a goody bag of mental disorders and then seeking treatment, taking medication, and getting support from my family/friends are all things that help me survive. But I don’t want to just survive…I want to live! Bringing back intense exercise into my life has pulled me out of my dark, lonely cave and taken me from simply existing to really living for the first time in my life.

You don’t have to train like a professional athlete, but breaking a sweat on a regular basis will make a huge difference in how you feel both physically and mentally. The fact that so many of us separate our mind and body makes it difficult to see exercise as a way to keep your brain healthy. Change how you view exercising and staying active. Choose to look at it as a way to make your brain healthy and happy instead of viewing it as a way to help you look a certain way/squeeze into those jeans that used to fit when you were in high school.
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Hello, I have always thought that sharing my story with the mental health community is important to bring hope to others that are just like me.

I’m a 37 year old divorced mother of two boys. I have been in therapy of some kind or another since I was 7 years old. Mental illness runs in my family as well as substance abuse addiction. I believe I was born with my many disorders that progressed and worsened as I got older, abused illegal drugs, prescribed medication and had my children. In my early childhood I showed all the many signs of OCD. I also grew up in an extremely chaotic family where my mother suffered terribly with her own mental illness that was never acknowledged or treated and an emotionally absent father. My two older siblings coped with this by using and abusing drugs and my older sister was put into rehab when I was seven. My older brother simply moved away and is still an addict today covering up his own mental health issues. My younger sister was extremely emotionally disturbed and would act out violently towards my parents but especially towards me. She would later become a drug addict for many years and thankfully entered recovery 4 ½ years ago.

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“I would go on them, but just until I feel better,” said the second.

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NAMI - You are Not Alone — I'm More Than My Diagnoses.

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