How I Learned to Stop Obsessing My Life Away - 4 Strategies That Help
I tend to obsess over things.
It’s not as bad as it used to be, but still, it happens. And more than I would like to admit.
Obsession is a beast. It has terrorized my mind with glinty eyes and sharp fangs.
It’s part of who I am. I know this.
I live with obsessive-compulsive disorder, although it has been manageable. I take medicine for it, the only psych med that has ever worked for me.
I was arrogant and naive to think that no meds were ever necessary, that giving in to them would be a sign of weakness.
But that’s just the manly indoctrination I got growing up in the United States. Medication helps keep intrusive thoughts at bay, and it really helps knock back the obsessing.
But there’s more to the story.
What Being Obsessive is Like
I see it now. I was a kid who had his obsessions. I obsessed over puzzles, getting the pieces exactly right.
I remember one time I got a puzzle as a gift that was, in reality, a puzzle within a puzzle. Not only did you have to get the pieces together, but you also had to line up blocks of the puzzle so that the entire puzzle made sense. It was a scene of a busy city, and I think the different sections were supposed to be city blocks. There were directions, little word puzzles within this puzzle-puzzle. I spent hours on that thing. I just could not tolerate it not working out correctly.
I was obsessed.
From Innocuous Games to More Sinister Obsessions
Puzzles are one thing, but the obsessions — and the anxiety — ramped up once I was in school.
It started with homework assignments. Everything had to be perfect. I couldn’t tolerate making a stupid mistake.
If I got something wrong on my homework — or if I answered a question incorrectly on a spelling quiz, for example, I would writhe in absolute agony.
I still remember, because I was good at spelling, my 3rd grader teacher tried to stump me with a word that I still argue is not a real word — and was unfair to use on an obsessing, little boy. She told me to spell the word, “Chevrolet.”
I spelled it how it sounded to me: “ChevORlet.” I still remember my teacher’s smug grin when I spelled the word incorrectly. It was not fair, I tell you.
This is what I’m getting at. My obsessing over seemingly pointless things started to affect my quality life — and it started at a young age.
Now I’m an Adult, But I Still Have the Same Genetics
Sure, there are some things I’ve learned to do in order to obsess less.
But I’ve still got the same mental foundation. That obsessive part of me has been dampened by increased self-awareness and coping skills — but it’s shadowy tendrils still lurk in the murky swamp of my mind.
So what do I do to keep the obsessing to a minimum?
- I practice mindfulness. Meditation has been a huge help in my life. Learning to be present in the moment doesn’t allow me to obsess over the past or the future like I used to.
- I refer to something I now have that I didn’t have when I was a child: life experience. With life experience comes increased knowledge (I hope). I now know that spelling a word wrong is not the end of the world. I’ve now failed enough in my life to know that nothing, really, is the end of the world. I’ve dealt with mental health issues and heart surgery, with relationship problems and unexpected crises. Through it all, I’ve learned to let go of certain things and see the silver linings on the outside of it all.
- Medicine. Like I said earlier, this has been a surprising boon for my mental health. I take a fairly low dose of Paxil, and I’ll be darned if it hasn’t made a world of difference. There were some awful times when the medication began to kick in during the first few weeks, but getting past that initial adjustment period was worth it. The medicine really has taken the edge off when it comes to my overactive, obsessive mind.
- I read as much as I can. Point of personal privilege, there were times in my life when I obsessed over reading as well. I wanted to read as much as I could all of the time. But, with heightened awareness, I’m able to put reading in its proper place. I know that reading the right books are better than reading as much as possible. I believe that reading a distillation of another person’s life’s work is one of the best ways to improve my own life.
I No Longer Battle My Obsessions
I am a different kind of warrior now.
I don’t get lost in the endless obsessions. I have carved space out around them.
I can now put my obsessive tendencies in their proper place.
Dealing with obsessions is a real problem for lots of people, but there is a way out of the overwhelming morass.
It takes time, patience, and perspective.
At least, it did for me.
I may have the same tendencies I had as a child, but I’m not the same person.
Each day is a new day.
A day to learn more and to obsess less.