My name is Jennifer and I am a recovered mental illness survivor—

            I have endured severe mental illness for over half my life.  During that time, I suffered from clinical depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, and borderline personality disorder.

            Due to the depression, my behaviors ranged from excessive crying to excessive sleeping to suicide attempts.  I felt feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and helplessness.  All I thought I wanted to do was die.   But in fact, what I really wanted was help with overcoming my severe sadness.

            During my manic states, I endured impulsive, spontaneous, and irresponsible behaviors.  I felt on top of world.  I felt excessive amounts of energy.  I had racing thoughts.  I had delusions of grandeur.  I’ll be honest.  It felt great to be so high, but it is also very dangerous.  Risky behaviors can lead to much endangerment of self and others.

Keep reading

Everyone struggles with something in life. Some struggle for brief periods of time and some struggle every day. I belong to the some who struggle every day. Since I was 5 years old I have constantly struggled with mental illness. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, schizophrenia, depression, anxiety, ADD, ADHD, PTSD, and attention deficit Disorder. My dad, step mother, and Step Father physically abused me for most of my life because they didn’t understand what I was going through and my Mother was the only person in my life to try to help me through everything I was dealing with. Unfortunately I did not trust anyone around me due to how I was treated at home and because I was constantly bullied at school because I was different. Eventually the abuse I was facing at my step fathers house led to me going into a state of shock and I tried to hurt my mother because I was so out of it and thought she was my step father. I was 15 at this point and was detained. 

Keep reading

I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder when I was near the age of four. At that time, I was one of the few children with such a severe case. My psychiatrist for almost a year went back and fourth diagnosing me from schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. I was destined to be bipolar, my moms side of her family has mental problems. I was unfortunately the only sister who ended up with this mental illness. But what really pushed it over the already mentally breaking point? When I lived with my parents from up until I was shy of 4, was the abuse and neglect. My mom would drink and abuse. Get mad over nothing and abuse. I guarantee you, we had no such thing as food. And if there was any, it was beyond expired. I remember running to my neighbors houses, just to get away. Now, I was young when I left to live with my grandparents, but I just can’t forgive or forget things. My mom came home from a bar, married to another guy while married to my dad. So my mom left, my dad decided to truck drive, and my grandparents raised my sisters and I. Yes, to this day, we live with my grandparents. I honestly, have never met such a strong woman like my grandma. My grandma is my mom. My grandma was the one who sat there while I abused her, yelled at her, spit at her… She never gave up. She was the one who sat through psychiatrist appointments and made me talk, helped me get medication, helped me slowly get better. I used to bang my head on walls and floors. Why? I didn’t feel pain. But, I didn’t want to live. I was almost hospitalized twice, have taken and experimented with tons of medication to get me better, suffered through liver damage, plus the countless blood tests. I still to this day, almost 19 years old, suffer the state of life and mind. I will forever see a psychiatrist. I will forever take medication. Just please remember. That you aren’t alone. You are worth life. I know how it feels to fight demons that are beyond your mental capacity. I know how alone you feel. I understand the tears of not understanding half the things you do. I understand what anxiety and depression is. If I get too stressed, I have a panic attack on top of a bipolar episode. Trust me, I understand. You are beautiful, never forget that.

I was diagnosed as bipolar when I was in my early 30s, like a lot of those who suffer from this illness I was first diagnosed with schizophrenia and then major depressive disorder.  I had a suicide attempt in my late teens.  For most of my adult life I was fortunate enough to be able to cope with my illness, thanks to therapy, groups and medication but there were times when everything seemed to fall apart and I had to be hospitalized.  I have also been fortunate to have been able to hold a full time job for 24 years.  As I grow older, however, I find the symptoms of my illness harder to deal with and I feel tired a lot and just have a general lack of motivation and energy.  This is disturbing to me as I dealt so well with bipolar disorder (or so I thought) for so many years but I am coming to terms with this and finding new coping mechanisms for dealing with my “new normal”.  It can be frustrating to feel as if you are “going backwards” but I continue to take my medications, go to therapy and now have a caseworker, who has helped me a lot.  This is not an illness that will ever go away but can be dealt with, even though, in my case, I feel it cheated me out of some life experiences such as having a family and close friends.  I try to remain positive and like to hear the stories of others with bipolar disorder so I can see how they have coped and for support.

Keep reading

My husband has suffered from mental illness for approximately 30 years for paranoid schizophrenia,manic bipolar,anxiety,depression and now diagnosis e early stage Alzheimer disease.

  He has never received adequate treatment when he would get off his medication and get in trouble with the law and then sent to prison. 

  He got off his medication because he couldn’t find help to pay for it then he called 2 state hospitals and a crisis center for help they told us that if he’s not suicidal the could not help so eventually he went out of his mind and committed a crime now after 3 years awaiting trial pursuing the insanity defense he was basically force to enter  a plea of guilty to avoid a possible life sentence for habitual offender. yesrsI mandatory .but we are seeking time served and civil commitment to mental hospital and get him treatment without incarceration because he’s never been given treatment just thrown in jail and released w 30 day medication and become I’ll and right back In prison system Now he’s awaiting a sentencing hearing where the judge can give him 0-15 .can anyone speak for him at his sentencing hearing to make the judge understand the importance of treatment for his mental illness and incarceration is not the answer to this problem

The idea of having a Bipolar Disorder stung me for a long time. When I’m feeling down, sometimes I feel the pressures of the stigma revolving around my mental illness. I always felt like there was a “normal” Valerie or a status quo that I had to

Keep reading

I first began to experience symptoms of bipolar disorder in my early teens. i was put on Lithium while in a hospital and right away the almost catatonic depression I was in began to ease. From there on in, it seemed medication would be the answer to everything that was wrong with me. For years i was on every depression medication available, tricyclics, MAO inhibitors–when one stopped working, I was simply put on something else. Then things got better and I needed no medication through my twenties. i still struggled with lows, but there were no suicide attempts, I was able to live and love, to work and, for the most part, even enjoy life. Then, at the age of 29 I had a manic episode and my medication nightmare began.

Keep reading

First of all I had ADD since childhood and then I was diagnosed with Schitzoaffective in 2011, a combo of Schizophrenia and bipolar all mental illness has everything to do with stress and your body’s failure to regulate stress, I am lucky I had bipolar part as well Manic part because it gave me the skill to resolve my illness’s in mind by adding beliefs, changing my perceptions to alter my reality through meditation, stress techniques, and energy excercises ie isometrics and other things I learned from the Wicca religion This religion is psychology based its all about Believing in something to the point of changing your reality. I received no help from doctors, they were no help all they say is take the medicine or end up in the hospital, we’ll I got pissed off enough at my situation that I would do anything to get control back over my brain it took a year and two Baker Acts later to get me where I am today a happy cured person able to get my life back together, My Journey was difficult, painful, and frustrating until I learned everything I needed to learn from trial and error, To solve any problem first you must Learn, Study, take Notes, Use Science, Think Reason, Analyze and Solve. God Bless and Good Luck.

I have overcame so much in my life, childhood trauma and abuse,foster care, drug addiction, homelessness, incarceration, and mental illness. In 2016 I sought treatment for bipolar disorder, I also decided to pursue my undergraduate degree in psychology on a pursuit to become an Licensed Professional Counselor, I want to provide affordable treatment to those that need it most in our society. I am now in graduate school studying mental health counseling. I could not have done this without my medications, they saved my life and changed me for the better. 

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and schizophrenia around 22 years old.  I was jailed for illness related reasons and charged.  I was acquitted and given a five year program to see a doctor and be monitored.  I stayed at my parents house and worked to help in every way I could, and at the same time I struggling with the illness.  I suffered and worked my way through it.  After completing the program I continued working but with an aim toward spirituality.  I received Christ and surrendered my life.  I have moved to a recovery based community with groups, therapy, and a doctor.  Now about 15 years later I am living independently with their support.