Stuck with Mother and Horrible Feelings
Now it’s my turn. We are in crisis mode at this very moment.
Just some quick background…
My therapist said she thinks my mother is most likely is affected by borderline personality disorder. She cycles from fight mode, to abject, sobbing..attacking, then claiming she is being victimized. And all of this is real for her.
So, we had a fight earlier, and I expressed exasperation and anger, was called a bitch, etc.
She is staying here in my apartment until her apartment is ready next week. It was supposed to be ready tomorrow. I can’t express how horribly ironic it is to be stuck here with her another week. I know I sound mean, but it’s like being damned to torture or something. I just feel like I’m always on the defensive. Always trying to regain my psychological footing.
She is sobbing in the living room and I’m so angry from years of this…53 years of this being told I’m a sh*tty person and it’s either basically all my fault or it’s my responsibility to make her feel better. Then attacks again if I don’t or don’t admit to being a horrible person. It’s crazy making. I have heard similar writing on here.
I just wanted to vent. I hate this stage. It’s just some kind of incredibly horrible cycle she goes through on a regular basis. I feel trapped in my room. I still have a few things to do, but it’s like trying to save my own life. If I leave my room, I’ll either be attacked or made to sit for an hour and listen to her. Years of just being used a her own private therapist. Yuck.
Anyway, I just wanted to get some of this out. I need to go back to therapy myself, but first I really need her to not be here.
Anyone have anything similar going on, especially in the current climate being stuck together?
Thanks for listening.
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