Dandelions *trigger warning*
I was suicidal every day, thinking my mental illness controlled me. I never separated fact from feeling. I lost power to my mental illness and hurt myself constantly in some way or another.. sometimes in the way of self sabotage. I would hide who I am. I am gay. I wanted to hide that, I lived in the south. I never realized the support group I had until it came out that I was abused. I was so scared I would lose that support that I continued pretending everything was fine and I was this simple girl who was peppy, and always happy when in reality…. I contemplated suicide everyday, and I had flashbacks quite often from the abuse I had suffered. After I came out.. I started feeling my mental illness have less effect on me. I began to feel more true to myself, which lowered my depression feeling, but it didn’t go away.
Finally I went to the doctors and got screened. It got worse… much worse. But after awhile I had an attempt. I went to a mental hospital that was focused on treatment, and recovery. There is where I not only realized my passion for people, and found my purpose, but also things finally turned around for me. I was told that I was a dandelion in a field of orchids, he said “ orchids wilt after the slightest of negligence, or disruption- but dandelions are strong…. they keep growing no matter the conditions they have” ever since that day I thought of myself so much differently. I was a dandelion, and I would never wilt though hard winters may come… I will survive because of this.. feelings are not fact. You, and you alone control your reaction to those feelings. If you’re suffering hold on… this suffering is temporary my little dandelion. You can get help. No dandelion grows by itself… it needs to fight to get water, sunlight and nutrients from the soil. So BE A DANDELION IN A FIELD OF ORCHIDS, its your choice to make!
