I am new to NAMI and new to the mental health conditions.  My son and daughter today age 29 and 32 both have experienced issues that needed attention.  My son suffered from BDD  from age 12 to present although he is so much better, he said it’s always there, his feelings about looking ugly or not good enough but he doesn’t dwell on it like before.  I spent all those years seeking help and exhausted myself trying.  Like most of you dealing with mental issues, we panic, we seek help, we fight back, we cry pray etc.  I believe strongly that he actually healed himself as he matured but it’s a sensitive topic (his looks I mean) even though he so beautiful and above average in appearance he will never feel satisfied.  

So after all this I thought maybe I can rest.  Hell I was wrong again my daughter 32 who always had it together. Perfect student, loads of friends, loved by all no drugs, drink etc. crashed and burned. She had a major breakdown in college and now has been diagnosed as schizophrenic with manic features.. I can’t deal with this one.  I have no money for this and no family to care for her.  I’m scared beyond words.  It’s been a month since diagnosis but I’m starting to believe the doctors are wrong.  I have no history of it and she doesn’t hear voices or babble to the walls.  She seems bipolar with extreme erratic moods swings of which you could never believe.  Happens after days without sleep and then bam pow she explodes in a vicious violent way. 

She told me later about extreme abuse from previous guy that It shocked me to hear what he did and said to her. She was having major traumas on top of each other with no coping ability, no meds and no one to console her..  It was like watching the life fading away and only a shell of her was standing.

  I feel like part of her died that day and I want her back now.  What scares me most, she is living with a guy who has severe paranoid schizophrenia and he goes from I love you forever to get the f out of my house you disgust me. I’m better than you are etc. This will destroy her for sure and I can’t make her leave she feels it’s only temporary and is waiting to move on her own but that’s not happening fast enough.

  I just pray for her everyday and I blame myself always as moms tend to do.  Why didn’t I see this?  I’m mom I’m suppose to protect her from everything and be there to fix it if she falls but I failed and my husband doesn’t help either. He screams, tells me to throw her out, worse, we were told this illness runs in female side of family and well, it only took a few minutes to start ranting and raging that it’s all my fault.  I’m so defeated and this should never happen to her.  She was the strongest of anyone ever why did this happen to her?

 Aside from the abusive men in her life, she was a caregiver too much of the time for families who had sons with schizophrenia.  Moms used her and groomed her to take charge of them.  It took so much from her physically and emotionally.  There were two sons that were sick and their mother died leaving Michelle as caretaker. 

It was difficult to  believe but after that she found the guy she lives with now and he is sicker than the other two.  OMG this is not good for her condition and just to add, we never knew this illness before.  I told her they would make her crazy for sure and well that is just what happened.  Although her spirit was damaged prior to this, she was not able to maintain her sanity.  Now she is sick.  Please help I don’t know how to live each day. 

One day she had it all and her future was wide open.  Now seems she is fading away each day with no hope of a future, no friends, no possibility of pursuing her dreams.  She was robbed of her life and I am angry with God.