Hi, my name’s Bridget and I have a major problem in that I’ve lost my 10 year old son, Peter.

Pete had leukaemia for 7 years. And then I don’t know quite what happened, but somehow I lost him back in 2014.

I had a bit of a breakdown back in 2015. They said that I had depression, but I think it was just complicated grief.

It all started with me trying to have a near-death experience, to try and find out if Pete was ok (yes, stupid I know). That lead to me being sectioned, being put on some pretty potent medication (antipsychotics and antidepressants), a few suicide attempts, several stays in a mental health unit, some successful escapes from said unit (including the ICU), being restrained and forcibly injected, and a course of ECT.

Eventually I came right, found a good job, and life puttered on. All was calm until I slowly started coming off the antidepressants in June of 2019, with my GP’s assistance. I became able to grieve for Pete again after years of being numb. 

Eventually I realised that Pete can’t be dead. He just CAN’T be. And I knew that I couldn’t live without him and had to find him. I started walking crazy amounts of steps each day, to try and cope with everything. Keeping busy is the way I handle things. If I’m not working or sleeping, then I’m walking. And I’m not sleeping that much, as somehow I have given myself a target of 70,000 steps a day to achieve. And that many steps takes a fair bit of time. A fair bit of energy too. I’ve been losing weight, but that actually makes me happy, each time I see the pounds go down.

Recently I came under the umbrella of the mental health system again, as I knew that I need help. But the thing is, who can really help me? I just need Pete back, and I will do anything I can to find him.

I’ve recently started writing a blog about my search for Pete, but I know that I’m not allowed to post that here. Email me if anyone wants the link.

Thanks for reading. And if anyone finds Pete, PLEASE let me know. He’s a majorly cute little kid. You can’t miss him.