I am spouse of a bipolar, borderline person. I don’t know how to begin. We have been married for 20 years now and I don’t remember any moment of peace in my life. If I had nothing at stake I would have have left this man who is man just by birth and not in the life. I have two kids - 17 and 19. I feel like I married a child whom I am still raising and have to remind what to do next, how to do groceries, how to talk to people, how to wait in the lines, what not to do in public, check on everything he is done to make sure he didn’t mess up or forgot. My younger son was diagnosed with bipolar when he was 16. That’s when my husband was diagnosed as well! 6 years before that I forcefully took my husband to a psychiatrist who said he had ADHD and started treatment. Since then he had changed 7 psychiatrist and finally the 7th psychiatrist diagnosed him rightly as bipolar after I wrote him several emails. So he is on the right treatment since less than a year. He was later diagnosed with borderline disorder, depressive negative personally, My world fell apart when my son was diagnosed. I once thought I had a perfect family. I have lost everything I had. My world is upside down always. I feel like the whole worlds responsibility is on me. I am on the look out every single minute of the day I am awake! I am always afraid what’s going to happen next. What is the next thing I will have to deal with. And there always is some wrong thing happening in the family not by bad luck but by broken brains who cannot be careful at any steps. Any mental illness makes that person really mean and the caretaker still has to keep taking care of them. Every now and then I burst out at my husband blaming him for ruining my family and generations. I don’t want my son with bipolar to get married and ruin another life like mine is ruined. Now only a miracle would give me back what I ever had. I don’t know how to handle everything on my own. All I want is peace in my life and grown up husband. I don’t know why this happened to me. I am still unable to accept or make peace with this illness. Thanks for reading.