Why do I settle for things less needs  than I desire? Married 30 years and I hate every day.Do I really dislike him or myself.I know Im not in love with him anymore. Do I stay out of fear of change or because Im 62 years old and  cant afford a way out. My health is suffering there are days I could stay in bed all day. I dont think I could hold a job to support myself at this point. 

I  have terrible time picking friends. I always pick a friend that needs rescued worse than I do. It never works out always leaving me feeling used both mentally and financially. Not so upset with that person as myself. I use to think I had a good judge of character but I question myself why I keep doing this to myself.I know I deserve better. Im a loyal good friend.I get joy from helping. I would rather give than receive. Im much more comfortable with that. I believe Im trying to find happiness through another person because I dont know how to make myself happy. Honestly I dont even know where to start with that. I have a relationship with God so thats not missing. I have Good relationship with my kids and grandchildren. They give me joy but once home I feel alone again. Have been on depression meds many times but it doesnt fix the real problem. Can anybody give me advise where to even start?