My name is Jonathan and I am 28 years old with a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type. I was born in South Korea to a mother who was labeled “mentally unstable”. I was adopted by my family as a baby and grew up in Virginia and Louisiana. As a child, I was markedly different and as I grew older things got more and more complicated.

            I didn’t start the process of seeing doctors and therapists until I was 15 years old and it took an entire decade for me to be properly diagnosed and placed on the right medications. Over the years I had a variety of diagnosis’ to include: ADHD, Asperger’s, Oppositional-Defiance Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, Bipolar disorder, then finally schizoaffective. I had been placed on almost every different anti-depressant and anti-psychotic available and they were all accompanied by mixed ranges of undesirable side effects.

Keep reading

      During the late 1990’s I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder.  Before this I was working full-time and attending college full-time but I was abusing marijuana and alcohol by using it to cope with the stress of doing too much.  My reality would become a distorted one for me because I started hearing voices, seeing images, and I believed I could communicate with people on television.  These were the symptoms i remember experiencing before my first breakdown.

      I was then arrested and felt lost in a world I had never been, on, a psychiatric unit at a local hospital.  This would become a place where I felt lost, disoriented, and unhappy.  By the time I was hospitalized the third time I had become  aware that I had been diagnosed with a mental illness.  I had stopped using alcohol but I started using marijuana again.  

Keep reading

Taking one day at a time as I see my son recover from from being diagnose as having schizoaffective disorder. Everyday is struggle, however he is still trying to recover and make the best of what is normal for him in his mindset. Even though things took a turn when he was in college at the prime of his life, he made it back home safe in my arms. I welcome him with open arms as I try to come to terms of what happened to my baby, my first born. In this life he will always have a label holding him back from being all he can be because of what society shows. As I stand to help him recover, I open his eyes to not being a mental health client who is pushed to the side. I hold his hand as he walk this valley we call life and to live happy and know that he is truly loved. There is no love like a mother love for her child, so I say love your child even in the darkest time that they don’t understand.

So, since 2011 my older brother has been having symptoms but has been diagnosed with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and ADHD, in my opinion psychosis. I’ve been to mental health court with him, tried several programs and various medications. Me and mother’s last resort is always the hospitalization. He needs therapy, he hasn’t been on meds in 9 months he was fine but not he decided to get back on meds but doesn’t take all of them. He’s an alcoholic, beer consumption everyday! He always blames me and my mother if he can’t find something he lost. He has angry issues, blast loud music and in his car I’m surprised neighbors don’t call the police for noise complaints. It’s exhausting going through this all. I can’t allow my oldest brother who also in a program to come over because my other brother thinks he steals his stuff which isn’t true. I can barely sleep most of the time, I sleep over my bf house just to get a rest, on top of that I’m my mother’s caregiver she has metastatic breast cancer. The stress is unbearable. Idk what to do anymore except deal with it as I been dealing with it sadly.

Hey! I’m Jake. I would like to begin by saying it has been very hard living with this diagnosis. I also struggle with addiction in many forms. So with addiction and a disorder, life is lets say complicated. I grew up a very happy kid, many friends and sports. I became very suicidal at an early age due to bullying. I even transferred schools to escape  and the exact same form of bullying continued, this is where my addiction came in, to relieve my pain.

Before graduating high school, I entered and outpatient facility to relieve some symptoms I was going through, and I had a nervous breakdown due to my addiction and my diagnosis. I entered a mental hospital. I graduated high school in 2015 and went to a wilderness therapy program to clear my head. It was miserable, due to what I had done to my mind, body, emotion and spirit. Before I went, I developed a psychosis thinking that I could talk to spirits, that I was possessed, and other things of that nature. It was the start of my diagnosis, which I was not actually diagnosed until much later.

Keep reading

I Was born 1980, March 19th in Arizona. I lived place to place with my parents and sibling. After a dysfunctional marriage between my parents that went on too long. Coupled with drug and alcohol use their marriage was finally put to rest. My father was the type of father to give me a lot of compliments or say nice things, but was lacking in structure and support for us, not to mention financial stability. My mother was the type not to encourage or use structure very much either and in fact when she would get frustrated when her needs weren’t being met she often took it out on us children, as well as sexual abuse by a sitter. We didn’t get a good start in life.

My mother left him and took us to live with her parents in  IL. We lived on her parents farm a time where we would eventually spend the summers of our juvenile lives. I have warm memories of the farm playing in creaks, ride horses, a lake, ponds, woods, and ate the fruit from the orchards and berries from the vine, but often felt wrongly accused, mistreated and unwanted by family there as well. 

Keep reading

Is it ok to not be ok?

I have to tell myself at times that it is ok to not be ok. When the depression comes at times, instead of fighting it, I stop. Cry it out. When I get anxious, I do what I need to do to calm down. I have coping skills and my support system to help me managed my mental health. Although times are good, but the times that are not so good comes to surface. I get angry with not only others, but myself as well some times. No one understands me, but those that goes through the same thing. Only us that has been diagnosed with a mental health disorder understand each other. Opening up is not always easy as people think. Telling others that I am not ok can bring a lot of questions that we are not wanting to anxiety. Afraid to call in to work again because your anxiety is high. They’re aware of your mental anxiety, you tell them that you have been anxious because of the crowded room they put you in. Plus they add more people, and still expect you to tough it out. Is it really to be ok when its not ok? I understand shutting down, go into that comfortable place alone, and not talking about what is wrong. I promise I know that place all so well. Whether ok or not ok. It is ok! You are not alone at all. We may never meet, but we all are fighting together. We all have a voice for each other! When one can’t speak, I promise you we speak for each other! 😇😀

I am 21 years old and was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and as a symptom of the illness was afraid just at the name. This was almost 2 years ago.  I originally was told I had a dual-diagnosis of a mental disorder and substance abuse problems.

I went to the nearest hospital and was treated for it. The medication I was on was for anxiety. However, because of this misdiagnosis, the symptoms increased. At first I thought that everyone I met had problems and that there was just a tiny, little bump in the road for me to get over. This was not the case.

Keep reading

I am going to tell you my story of hope and recovery. I grew up as a child very happy. Then around 6th grade my mom saw some things that didn’t seem “right.” I got tested for ADD and the doctor put me on medication. I had reading comprehension issues.

Fast forward a little until around age 18. We moved to another area right when I was going off to college and I think this is what triggered everything. I didn’t process the move normally and verbalize how awful I felt about moving. It was very sudden. I was quietly processing and my thoughts started to spiral downward. It was like my mind “broke” and it was a snowball effect. Also at the time I was taking medication for my acne. This also contributed to having suicidal thoughts and some depression.

I was also dating a guy at the time. We were pretty serious and I was thinking we were probably going to end up together. I was wrong. He couldn’t commit anymore to our relationship and he broke it off. I was devastated. Heartbroken. My world fell apart. I had to go inpatient. I had from then on three suicide attempts and four hospitalizations. I recovered from the breakup but also had a few psychotic breaks after breakup. This was all in between 18 and 23.

When I was around 23, I was in a hospital and I didn’t want to go home to my parents. I was blaming them and going through so much. So I went to a halfway house. I lived there for a year and then got an apartment. Then Hurricane Katrina came in 2005 and I decided to go with my parents. Then I decided to get a job. I still work at my job three days a week now. But I have had my job for ten years. I also decided to go back to school while having a mental illness and finish my business degree. It took me a long time to finish while going through my challenges, but I did it. I smoked at the time as well for five years but I prayed and asked God to take it away and He did.

Keep reading

It was never about how dirty the house was or how many newspapers you had saved overtime or the amount of magnets you had on both fridges. It was the draining effect of what your mental illness would bring. What mom was I going to see today? Will she be nice and funny? Will she be mean and hurtful? Will she be sad and kept to herself? Everyday was different. Each had a little twist to them. From bipolar to manic to depression the things that are forbidden to be talked about. Yet they take so much away from people. I never hated you I just hated your illness. I hated that you became mean in a blink of an eye or you get sad within seconds and I did love when you were funny because we could crack jokes but all it took was for one little thing and you’d switch. I never wanted this for you. All I wanted was my mom. Your illness took over and it was so hard to love you. When you knew how to take the wound you opened and twist and dig it deeper. I know one day ill look back and be thankful for all the lessons learned and maybe help others one day, but for now I just want to help you.