NAMI - You are Not Alone — This really does hurt sometimes. I went on the...

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna

This really does hurt sometimes.

I went on the nami website to share my story and i dont know if ot posted or not but i was writing it from a place that seemed staged as i am wanting to always be stoic and in control.

But really this does hurt.

The meds

The lonliness

The fatigue

The emotions

The deaths unknown by me to covid 19

The racism

The abandonment

Everyone always seems to bully you online if you think or perceive the world in a different way that sometimes you really just want to throw your phone into the toilet.

And then out of nowhere you do a web search and end up in a place in which you are not alone and for once in my entire life i am grateful to know that.

Because yes it was easy to share my traumas from the past that led me to my diagnosis of ptsd, dissociative personality disorder, schizophrenic personality disorder etc but those are just labels.

I still have to navigate being african american in this hostile time and life span in which for many years, decades really i so was an observer only to get into the frey when i felt that i could control the outcome.

Being abandoned i think that s a necessary outcome trying to control outcomes because the question is always looming why did i get left?

Even at 43 i really just want to know the answer to that but i do know that i must at least do the basics to keep moving forward but thats really all that i believe that i deserve…just enough.

Every therapist ive had says that i am strong, self aware all these positives but they too can stop one from getting true healing because i dont know what is behind the door if i walk through it.

Luckily for me (unlucky of course) covid 19 happened and then all of a sudden we where all the same, dealing with the numbers, the debates, etc and i all of a sudden wanted out of the house, outside of my normal which was isolation to begin with.

I will continue this weekly.

Hudson

Phoenix, AZ

mental illness mental health inspiration hope coping treatment medication therapy recovery schizophrenia bipolar disorder depression anxiety borderline personality disorder posttraumatic stress disorder attention deficit disorder schizoaffective disorder obsessive compulsive disorder suicide self-harm substance abuse abuse eating disorders autism panic attacks NAMI minoritymentalhealth Support Faith stigma

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