I knew when I adopted my daughter that both her parents had mental illness in the form of Bi-polar and Borderline Personality Disorder. Like many  adoptive parents I thought love would be all she needed.

In looking back I think the first signs appeared when she was 6 years old. She cried so much, more than what I thought was normal. Her pediatrician thought she had depression so we started therapy with a highly recommended children’s program.

Over the years my daughter’s depression turned to self harm, self medication, irrational behavior and risky behavior resulting in out patient and in patient treatments at specialty clinics and hospital, bio-feed back, medication, psychiatric stays, an abortion, rape and other sexual assaults (by the way my daughter also has cerebral palsy and uses a cane, walker or wheelchair for mobility) and a a number of abuses from boyfriends, sex partners and her own adoptive father who has since walked out of her life now that she’s no longer cute or compliant.

Keep reading

Hello, I have always thought that sharing my story with the mental health community is important to bring hope to others that are just like me.

I’m a 37 year old divorced mother of two boys. I have been in therapy of some kind or another since I was 7 years old. Mental illness runs in my family as well as substance abuse addiction. I believe I was born with my many disorders that progressed and worsened as I got older, abused illegal drugs, prescribed medication and had my children. In my early childhood I showed all the many signs of OCD. I also grew up in an extremely chaotic family where my mother suffered terribly with her own mental illness that was never acknowledged or treated and an emotionally absent father. My two older siblings coped with this by using and abusing drugs and my older sister was put into rehab when I was seven. My older brother simply moved away and is still an addict today covering up his own mental health issues. My younger sister was extremely emotionally disturbed and would act out violently towards my parents but especially towards me. She would later become a drug addict for many years and thankfully entered recovery 4 ½ years ago.

Keep reading

Hi I’m Traci.I’m a 39 year old women with mental illnesses. I have been struggling since age 11 and 12.  I thought I was weird, or “crazy”. Each Dr giving me a new diagnosis. 

Keep reading

*TRIGGER WARNING*

Keep reading

Hello, my name is Leslie, and my husband has bipolar II disorder/borderline personality disorder. To the outside world, we are a typical family with ups and downs, behind closed doors, we are much more complicated and often tormented by this illness. My husband and I have been together for the better part of almost 19 years. I had a two year old son from my first marriage, and he had a three year old son (who we didn’t know was his until 1999). We married in 1998, had our first son together in 1999, and our second son in 2000. We were a young blended family on a roller coaster of major mood swings, fighting and confusion. I couldn’t understand why Jason would be laughing and relaxed one minute and without warning or explanation he would get irritated and lash out.

For years we fought and argued about his behaviors and what I perceived as a simple lack of self control. His drinking was much more prevalent and I had become very depressed, hopeless, and quite frankly I’d become a class A bitch. Oddly enough, neither of us wanted to give up, we always managed to find enough joy with each other and love for each other that we stayed together and kept trying despite all of pain, but we were continuing to cause severe damage to each other.

In 2004, I learned he’d been self medicating with drugs. This had been happening for a couple of years and I immediately grabbed hold of that as being the root cause of all of our problems. Not knowing where to turn, I reached out to his parents. Jason was lost and suicidal, I was angry and full of hurt and confusion. We went to see a dr and he evaluated Jason. He determined that Jason was not severe enough to be admitted to suicide watch but mentioned the possibility that Jason had bipolar disorder. Not knowing much about the illness, I began to research it and the symptoms fit Jason’s behavior to the letter, but neither of us knew what to do about it.

Keep reading

I have bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, and anxiety. I have struggled with mental health illness since I was a child and because I was misdiagnosed with depression at the age of eleven, have suffered for quite some time.  I also struggled with alcoholism for a few years, having inherited it from my Dad.

I’ve been on many medications, seen several therapists and psychiatrists, made numerous suicide attempts, and self-harmed. I felt broken. I wasn’t thriving and I didn’t expect to survive. Then there was a miracle. I conceived my daughter. She was born in December of 2008.

I needed to at least live for her sake at that point, but I was still barely surviving. It was the spring of 2015 when I decided to quit alcohol and to go into the hospital because I was severely depressed and suicidal. The doctor changed my medications and a few days before my discharge date the doctor made me realize that I was still in a deep depression. I still needed help. I decided to do ECT.

It was a major decision but it changed my life. The combination of ECT, medications, and therapy have helped me onto my road of recovery. I’m not 100% and I still have my episodes. However, have my treatment team, my friends, and my family to guide me and help me. I’m not alone.

Dear Journal,

I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder 6 years ago today. After two suicide attempts in two different ways, hospitalizations, rehabilitation, counseling, and multiple misdiagnoses, I can finally say “I’m OK”. Being ok is better than feeling numb, or feeling like I’m screaming in a room full of people and can’t be heard. I no longer let these depressing clichés represent my life. I do my own variation of coping and I’m ok with that now.

Therapy has been cool. I am finally touching subjects that were once sensitive. It’s scary cause I don’t know what is going to come out of my Pandora’s box. But I trust my psychologist.. finally. I made amends with a person of my past who I hated all my life. I have gotten a chance to see my brothers after our separation at Mom’s funeral 10 years ago. They are all grown up now. Mom would be proud in the strong men they have become.

I’m still in and out of homelessness though. It used to be a trigger my I’m fighting and trying to not let it take me backwards. Meditation on other things than what is going “wrong” in my life has really help. Having food every now and again, working now, and going to school to become a clinician myself.

I am finding out who I am now… and I'm 28 years old, overweight, cutter, artist, singer, speaker for LGBTQ, ER registrar, sketcher, reader, AA, beautiful and… I’m OK.  I can’t help others until I help myself. So I hope my venting helped you.

Sincerely,

Lory.

I have overcame so much in my life, childhood trauma and abuse,foster care, drug addiction, homelessness, incarceration, and mental illness. In 2016 I sought treatment for bipolar disorder, I also decided to pursue my undergraduate degree in psychology on a pursuit to become an Licensed Professional Counselor, I want to provide affordable treatment to those that need it most in our society. I am now in graduate school studying mental health counseling. I could not have done this without my medications, they saved my life and changed me for the better. 

After years of experiencing instability in my mood and self-image, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), and Attention Deficient Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) at the age of 21. And since BPD is a misunderstood disorder, I’m going to start off by giving NAMI’s definition of BPD.

“Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental disorder marked by a pattern of ongoing instability in moods, behavior, self-image, and functioning. These experiences often result in impulsive actions and unstable relationships. A person with BPD may experience intense episodes of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last from only a few hours to a few days.

Some people with BPD also have high rates of co-occurring mental disorders, such as mood disorders, anxiety disorders, and eating disorders, along with substance abuse, self-harm, suicidal thinking and behaviors, and suicide.

While mental health experts now generally agree that the label ‘borderline personality disorder’ is very misleading, a more accurate term does not exist yet.”

Receiving these diagnoses caused me to feel a million different emotions at once. On one hand, I was relieved that I was not making it all up and that I was not alone. But on the other hand, I was terrified as to what these diagnoses meant for me and my life. I thought that if I researched and found out everything I could about my diagnoses that I could somehow beat them. I was wrong.

Keep reading

It was never about how dirty the house was or how many newspapers you had saved overtime or the amount of magnets you had on both fridges. It was the draining effect of what your mental illness would bring. What mom was I going to see today? Will she be nice and funny? Will she be mean and hurtful? Will she be sad and kept to herself? Everyday was different. Each had a little twist to them. From bipolar to manic to depression the things that are forbidden to be talked about. Yet they take so much away from people. I never hated you I just hated your illness. I hated that you became mean in a blink of an eye or you get sad within seconds and I did love when you were funny because we could crack jokes but all it took was for one little thing and you’d switch. I never wanted this for you. All I wanted was my mom. Your illness took over and it was so hard to love you. When you knew how to take the wound you opened and twist and dig it deeper. I know one day ill look back and be thankful for all the lessons learned and maybe help others one day, but for now I just want to help you.