I’m Marque, pronounced Mar'kway, 15 years old. So I think I have mood disorders, Personality Disorders, thought disorders, or whatever. AvPD with comorbid asperger’s maybe. Probably because of my substance use disorder. I’m isolating myself, I feel as though I’m socially inept and I’m suffering from depersonalization whenever I’m in any social setting, even with my family. The way I interact leaves me wishing I hadn’t at all. I’m convinced the more I use weed, the worse I get. I feel as though I’m developing symptoms of schizophrenia, as if it’s schizoaffective disorder or schizotypal personality disorder. I avoid interacting, I guess I’m suffering from lots of depressive episodes, which only change when I’m around certain people, which isn’t often. The way I communicate and interpret cues leaves every interaction feeling unsatisfying. There’s like this barrier of fear and inhibition that prevents me from ever expressing myself. So I rarely express myself.

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Struggling With Anxiety (Generalized and Social and Severe OCD, Major Depression, ADHD, Possibly Schizotypal Personality Disorder and Dissociative Attachment Issues, and Depersonalization Disorder. You Know You Do Feel Worthless, Its Hard, Being So down to the Point Where Every single Day You’re Just Surviving and Not Living Or Thriving. It Makes You Feel Like There Is Nothing Left. I’ve Never Been to Jail, but I Know What Prisoners Feel Like. Trapped, Crazy.. ETC. Your Emotions Have Been Completely Sucked Out, Except for Sadness and Even Eventually That Goes Away and All you Feel Is Numb and You Think To Yourself “Is It Ever Gonna Get Better” I’m Here Because This Is Very Important Topic to Me. Mental Health Is Always Something Ive Felt Sooo Strongly About Ever Since the Struggle Started. I know What it is Like to Cry Every Single Night Because Its Gotten so bad to The Point Where Its Second Nature and I Don’t Know How to Help Myself, and Feeling Like All Hope is Lost. What Keeps Me Going Is, That Little Tiny Bit Of Hope I still Have to Keep Pressing On. And, I want Others to continue Hanging On to. Helping Others Makes Me Feel So Amazing Especially When I Know Ive Inspired Someone With My Story to the Point Where They Share Theirs and Inspire Somebody Else As Well. Ive Been through it All and I want Everyone To Know that No Matter What They Are Going Through There is ALWAYS someone Out there That Is Going Through the Same Thing, and Shouldn’t Feel Alone. ❤️❤️

Recently, I  found a condition that are in words that describe me, and today I thank God for this. I have lived in fear most of my adult life, difficulty coping, not understanding who is Mossy. This year marks 40yrs of dx of type 1 diabetes. Though I  had other earlier and later trauma in my life, the 6 year old, me, started unknowingly coping by disassociating (depersonalization). For me it was traumatic for the pricking and prodding with insulin shots, bloodwork, etc. Then overhearing my concerned mother on phone talking to family member with the unforgettable words , doctors say they don’t  know how long of life she will have. !!!!!!!!fear began!!!! Now I see why would a small child want to be in a body 1that had to be injected multiple times per day and that may die early.

God has carried me through it all for years now with no signs of long-term effects currently. With cognitive therapy by another Christian I am learning more and healing mentally/emotionally! I give all credit to God as He loves us all.

Imagine you are dreaming a nightmare. In the dream you feel as if you are trapped in a person-sized bubble that is internally soundproof and mostly impermeable, especially to your own escape. Your environment seems distant from you as you are enclosed within a bubble, and everything appears unclear as you look at the world through the wavering cloudiness of the bubble’s surface. It is as if you are separated from the external world, and you feel very confused about your place in the world. You’re stuck in a prison away from everyone else, a situation that causes you fear and feelings that you might suffocate, die, or go crazy. When you get extremely nervous, the bubble (with you inside) drifts upward toward the sky a bit, making you feel even less connected to the world. However, you feel at least somewhat safe in the bubble since it is protecting you from your perceived dangers of the world, though they may be unwarranted or of false value. The dream progresses to the death of a loved one, and you realize that although you want to feel the pain and sadness of losing that person, you are stuck in the bubble and therefore can’t express yourself and the depth of your sorrow to anyone; your emotions are silenced. While you feel extremely lonely, it is almost as if the emotional weight of losing that person is far away from you; a bittersweet benefit of your isolation. A similar thing happens during intensely happy moments, when in previous situations you may have laughed hysterically before you had become entrapped in the bubble, now you muster up a smile and have lost the ability to fully relate to the events happening around you.

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Hello! My name is Mary, and my journey with mental illness began in 2010 during my second pregnancy. I struggled with perinatal depression, and then postpartum depression after my daughter was born. In the six years since, I have also developed generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, depersonalization disorder, health anxiety, and am sure clinical depression is rearing its ugly head somewhere in there. It has definitely been difficult, but life still remains beautiful. I may have more bad days than good at this point in my recovery (and I do say recovery, because I fully intend to do just that), but those few good days shine so bright that when the bad days come they are a little brighter each time. I know that my body is trying to heal; I can feel it. My mind and body are quite extraordinary, and at the end of the day I know they are on my side. In a world so full of anger and hate and ugliness, I believe we make it through due to the light inside of us. Whenever that light is dimmed, we have to work just a little harder, but we must never forget that the light exists in all of us. God put it there when we entered this world, and the world can never take it away. So I would like to say to each and every person who is suffering right now, or who has a loved one who suffers, or anyone for that matter who is dealing with a hardship or illness in their life….WE are STRONGER than ANY obstacle we may face, and as long as we keep the good fight going, we will always prevail. Prayers and hugs to each and every soul reading this. You are going to make it.

I’m 13, I suffer from an anxiety disorder, and clinical depression, and suicidal thoughts, and self harming behaviors. I’ve been diagnosed, I take medications, and I just feel worse, like there’s something more wrong with me. I’ve told myself countless times that I have some random mental illness like depersonalization disorder, or borderline personality disorder, but the truth is I don’t know. 

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I have recently been diagnosed with Complex PTSD and depersonalization disorder. A DID diagnosis won’t be long, I’m sure. I have begun EMDR / psychotherapy and it is helping with processing how my past has wired me. I’ve educated myself through some wicked compulsive reading and am now just looking to hear from others trying to live a “normal” life with mental illness.

Throughout my childhood, starting around age 11, I developed an extreme self-consciousness around people looking at me from one side of my face. I felt like they were only seeing my flaws and I felt extraordinarily uncomfortable to the point where I would cover one side of my face with my hand or position myself so people were only on the other side of me. I would never speak up in groups in fear of people looking my way.

Although I am a confident person in my abilities and in interpersonal relationships, this behavior affected my self-esteem significantly throughout my adolescence, and I began having severe panic attacks starting around age 17 after trying marijuana for the first time. The experience was so severe that it continued to affect me in comfortable situations. It also escalated my general social anxiety into a possibility of a massive panic attack which over the years has caused my emotional receptors to literally shut down. I occasionally feel completely out of touch with reality and my body.

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My name is ElReco Ramon a.k.a Ghost

Depersonalization according to doctors, therapist, science, etc is a dissociative condition in which you feel outside of your body. You’re basically fragmented into many parts that make up the human anatomy of mind and body. You are disconnected, a separate entity all around, unfocused and in and out of the reality of life at times. Many say it’s due to extreme stress on the body and mind. It can also be due the effects of drugs like marijuana, LSD, or panic attacks, meditation, Lyme Disease, depression or being off course in life.

Spiritually speaking, the soul has been darkened, weak, and to a degree lost. “1 foot in heaven, 1 foot on earth” as they say. It’s a dark stage and season of life that takes a lot of patience along with centering and grounding. Those on the spiritual course usually define the causes and effects due to a pursuit to higher learning of wisdom and knowledge or a higher elevation of spirituality. Spiritually speaking it is also due to being lost and off course in life or one’s lost identity.

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And I knew I wasn’t right 

So I planned on going that Friday night 

And I knew I wasn’t okay

Making it the perfect place for me to stay 

See, for most, a mental hospital isn’t a choice 

It’s one of those things where you are left without a voice 

Brought there suddenly against your will

Then before you know it, you are given a bunch of random pills 

But for me, it was where I was supposed to be

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