Mental illness has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. By age 4, I was overeating until I vomited, and I remember in my later elementary years, going from being “on cloud nine” to wanting to take my life. Unfortunately, my parents did not trust physicians, psychiatrists in particular, so for much of that time I was left to cope on my own. I believe that my faith in God and His grace towards me are the two things that helped me to get through those early years.
When I left home in my early twenties, I began to seek medical help. I tried most of the antidepressants that were on the market at the time to no avail. In fact, some made the situation worse. I had two psychotic episodes during that time, and was hospitalized only after I found myself convinced that I was at the center of a world-wide conspiracy which included everyone from government leaders to movie actors.
After being taken off of the medications that were causing this psychotic reaction, I was sent to specialists at Stanford, where they put me on more medications that had adverse effects-including a grand mal seizure. It seemed as though nothing was going to work.
Finally, however, I was referred to a psychiatrist who, I believe, saved my sanity and most likely, my life. He listened to my story and he correctly diagnosed me with bipolar disorder. He prescribed the right medicinal cocktail for me, and although I have had many ups and downs since, I have been able to be myself in a way that is only possible with the help of medication. I am able to hold down a full time job as a preschool teacher working with young children and I have been married for 18 years to a wonderful man with whom I have two beautiful children.
To any of you who are wondering if there is hope, the answer is yes! Please never give up the fight because it really does get better. I may be “successful” according to some people’s version of success(material, etc.), but I am sincerely healthy and happy in life, and I couldn’t ask for anything more.