Ten years old is supposed to be an age when children begin to develop their personalities and the skills needed to live an independent life. For my sister,  this was the age when she was diagnosed with Childhood-Onset Schizophrenia. Childhood-Onset Schizophrenia  has all the symptoms of  Adult-Onset-Schizophrenia, but it manifests  at an early age and often with a higher degree of severity.  While struggling with this illness, it appeared as if my sister’s childhood was rudely snatched away, as she was occupied with her hallucinations and delusions instead of friends and school. 

Yes, Schizophrenia sucks. My sister may never have the opportunity to graduate from college, establish a career, or marry. The good news is, she doesn’t see it that way. With medication, she is perfectly stable, and as she likes to say, “I’m normal, just with some issues, like everyone else.” And  perhaps because she was not given a chance to mature emotionally, she does not have the normal worries of a (now) eighteen-year-old. Every day is a new opportunity, and there’s always something to look forward to, no matter how mundane. In a sense, the childhood that was taken away was given back, for eternity.

I have learned a lot from my sister, and one of those things is to let yourself be a kid again. There are times when you have to face reality, but there are also times when you have to escape reality to live fully.  Let your inhibitions fly away, and live in the moment, for the moment.

My husband, Juan, is the smartest person I know. He is extremely tech savvy, excellent with computers, a quick learner, and great with people. He is also a schizophrenic.

Juan was diagnosed with undifferentiated schizophrenia while serving in the United States Army nearly 15 years ago. We met a few years after he was retired for medical reasons from the military, and have been together ever since.

I will never forget our first date, a few minutes into our date, he told me his diagnosis, he told me his struggle while in the military of loving his experience, but not understanding why he was so sad. He noted how after his diagnosis, he recognized the same signs of his father’s own struggles with a mental illness before he took his own life. Now, this is not a typical conversation for a first date, but to me, his honesty made me want to know more.

It has been 12 years since that first date and, although many things have changed, many have not. We started as friends, but our relationship quickly blossomed into something more serious. We were experiencing many of the same struggles together - college courses, keeping a schedule, and completing our coursework. We spent our evenings and weekends at the library finishing our homework.

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The maternal side of our family has a genetic inheritance that contributes to the cause of schizophrenia.  My mother, her 1st cousin, my grandmother, and her sister have all been diagnosed with schizophrenia and prescribed medication. I grew up in a household where a chaotic turn of events happened everyday. As a child I didn’t understand what was happening.  The only thing I knew is that my mother was an alcoholic and always angry.  I moved into my grandmother’s home, at age 17 and witnessed hallucinations, paranoia, and admissions in and out of mental hospitals (everytime she went off her psychotropic medications).  My mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia after a psychotic break in her early forties.  All of the women had signs/symptoms of schizophrenia over the years, but didn’t know what was happening, until each one had a psychotic break.  All of the women had some form of  abusive trauma, whether it was in childhood, teenage years, or early adulthood.  My first cousin and I, along with other family members have dealt with a series of events over the years, due to mental illness in our family.   Schizophrenia has impacted our lives in both negative and positive ways. My faith in Jesus Christ has played a major role in helping me to deal with everything this mental illness has brought into our lives.  I am currently working towards becoming a Licensed Mental Health Counselor. I want to help others who are suffering from mental illness a result of trauma or some other factor.  You are not alone!

My son Chad was diagnosed with bipolar type II disorder and Schizophrenia in April of 2010. That year while he was attending school in Bellingham WA, after a very scary manic event, he was hospitalized at Fairfax in Kirkland where he was stabilized and diagnosed. Honestly assumed Chad was using some type of illegal drugs that were making him behave so strangely, I’ve been in the military (active duty or reserves) all of my adult life and have never used illegal drugs and have zero experience.  From 2010-2013 Chad was able to work, drive a car and attend Community College. In November 2013 Chad had another manic event he destroyed one of my vehicles, a cell phone and purchased a one way bus ticket to Seal Beach CA with the intent of committing suicide in the city where he was born. Thankfully a bus driver called the State police in southern Oregon and Chad was taken to a hospital and stabilized in Oregon.

In early 2014 I was reading an article while my son was with his doctor about how support groups can help mentally ill people, I starting looking for a support group that my son could attend and I found NAMI. My son has an excellent doctor; I have a wonderful employer with great health insurance and have a six figure income; I believe that I’m a good parent/caregiver: educated, supportive and stable. I’ve surrounded myself with people that understand that my son is ill and his health is my priority and anyone that does not understand that is no longer a part of my life. NAMI has helped closed that little gap between the medical professionals and the tangled web that is the mental health care system in America today. My son has been attending a NAMI Seattle peer support group since 2014 and he told me once after I picked him up from a group meeting, “Daddy, I finally understand that I’m not alone, I do not feel weird and when I’m at group I feel normal.”

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Hearing the Voices of Schizophrenia

By Frances A. Garcia

On a chilly October in 1976, I found myself on a journey—one that has lasted 40 years. I was on a mission, which was to leave my hometown, my family, and go north. Why was I leaving? I wanted distance between those who were persecuting me, especially my mother, sister, and my 5-year-old nephew.  My hometown was Hell, and my family, Satan worshippers. My desire was to find Jesus. I had entered into a dimension, which I associated with Purgatory. As a devoted Catholic, I sought peace!

My mind was overwhelmed with visions and voices. Eventually I ended up in a hospital where they attended me for minor cuts and bruises, which I received while walking on the highway where I passed out. Two farmers found me and called the ambulance. During this interim, I remained rigid with eyelids shut tight, motionless, or what later was referred to as catatonia.

I called my mother to come for me, but when she arrived, I fell into another catatonic state and refused to cooperate. I was carried to the car, and driven home. My mother attended to me as best as she could. I was bedwetting, though I ate or drank nothing for what seemed to me like years. Yet, it lasted about one week. Then, they brought me to a psychiatric hospital in the city, to determine what happened to me.

I was diagnosed with Chronic Paranoid Schizophrenia.

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I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia a year ago. Before treatment I was paranoid, I had hallucinations, and heard voices. It lasted for a few years. During that time I was very confused and because of that very depressed. One day the voices had gotten so bad that I wanted anything to make them stop so I asked my mother to take me to the hospital as she had done before. I hated the hospital because they put me in the elopement risk area and I wasn’t able to go outside for several days. While there the doctors put me on medication and the voices and hallucinations went away. I was still confused at the time because I didn’t realize that I was actually hearing voices until I went to see a therapist after being discharged from the hospital and she helped me come to the realization that the things I believed were happening were irrational and even impossible. I continue seeing a therapist once a month and a Psychiatrist several times a year but I am able to live a full life now. I have a car, a job, and I take care of my son. I’m on medication now and it’s wonderful. For anyone struggling with Schizophrenia or having an experience where you are hearing voices and it seems irrational please get the help of a doctor. Your life will improve tremendously.

My sister suffers from schizophrenia and it is hard for me to cope. It is like I feel trapped because I don’t understand the disease process. It is hard for me to cope when I don’t understand what she is going through. My family members don’t understand how I feel. I am feeling grief over the loss of the person that my sister use to be before schizophrenia. I need to be able to grieve without judgement from my family. They tell me to “get over it”. I get anxiety and panic attacks so it makes things harder to deal with. I have a hard time dealing with normal daily activities sometimes because of my anxiety, panic attacks, and grief. My sister is in a good place and is well taken care of. I just wanted to speak out and let people know that they shouldn’t let other members of their family tell them that they shouldn’t be grieving or to just “get over it”. No one should tell you that your feelings aren’t valid.

Sincerely yours,

Danielle McCroskey

When my son, then 21, was diagnosed with schizophrenia in 1985, I did not know where to turn.  His psychiatrist gave me little information (just told me to buy the book Surviving Schizophrenia by E. L. Torrey).  I did and read it from cover to cover along with anything else I could find.  Though there was a local NAMI affiliate in my city at that time, there were still no programs like Family2Family wherein caregivers could learn about their relatives’ mental disorders at the same time that they could give each other support and the realization that they were not alone in this unsettling, uncharted territory.  Finally, in 2011, 26 years after my son’s diagnosis, I had the opportunity to take NAMI’s 12 week course Family2Family.  At that time, I actually believed that I could learn no more new information about schizophrenia. However, I could not have been more wrong.  The information was totally up to date because the content of each class is reviewed and expanded whenever a new medication or a new method of treatment is made available. 

I was so inspired by the course that I later trained to be a facilitator and have now led three 12-week sessions so that others can be helped as much as I was. It’s been almost 32 years since my son’s diagnosis and, admittedly, both he and I have endured some rough patches during those intervening years. But F2F is “NAMI’s Gift” to anyone who  must cope with their relative’s first crisis or hospitalization.  The course not only provides much information about their loved one’s disorder, but also teaches them the skills to take care of themselves.  I cannot recommend this class enough!  I learn so much each time I facilitate the course and am always struck by the courage and the emotional fortitude of whose who participate.

I just had my third psychosis in my third different state and I finally got the diagnosis of schizophrenia. It went from schizophrenicform to schizophrenia, and the shift scared me. All of a sudden this became something of permanence to me, or at least something I had to face and deal with.

Now I have to take medicine daily for an undisclosed amount of time, and I have to see doctors regularly for the first time. I’m scared that this is my future, but I’m also hoping that my future looks brighter than my past. I don’t want to go through anymore episodes, and now I am on the path where that can be the reality.

I am facing my fears of my new diagnosis through following the doctors’ orders and suggestions and also through education.

It feels overwhelming at times, and I am finding I have some anxiety issues I must overcome as well. Life is different but it is also already getting better. Therapy is helping, and so are the meds. I am a full time mother to a 2-year old and a new-ish resident to NYC. So my goals for recovery are to be fast and thorough as well as expressive and thoughtful.

I am new at therapy and my mental illness is a new diagnosis, but I am hopeful.