I am someone who has lost people to suicide and almost lost my self too. I have always been told to suck it up until I spoke out about my abuse. I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and PTSD. Ending the stigma is beyond important to me because if it wasn’t so hard for people to talk about, maybe my teammate, classmate, and grandmother would still be here. I know they were hurting, but I only knew when it was too late. Ending the stigma would save lives, the way speaking up saved me. I have been clean from self harm for almost a year now and have gotten the help I need. There is always hope, even when you feel as if it is the end. Your story isn’t over. I am living proof that it gets better. 

For awhile I have wanted to write this, but I was too afraid too. I decided to because people around are sharing their stories and I admire them for it because they bring awareness and say to others struggling that they aren’t alone. I hope that mine will do the same, this is my story with mental health.
I have changed both physically and mentally throughout the almost twenty years of my life. I learned to grow and sometimes even laugh at some of the mistakes I have made. I can laugh at a mistake, but also be caught up in it and overthink it. I was an odd kid in middle school, I’ll admit it. After I did something stupid for attention, when I was thirteen, I instantly regretted it. People would talk about me and what I did, but they didn’t know that I really regretted it. I couldn’t control what they were saying about me, but there was something that I could control. That is when my eating disorder and obsession with my weight developed.

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I can only speak from my personal experience, but I am here to tell you that depression and anxiety are not always incurable diseases. They are not always physical ailments. And that suicide is not always caused by bad brain chemistry and nothing else.

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Im Kait C. from New York! 

With my depression, I also have severe anxiety. When I become depressed,  all I hear in my head is “you’re worthless,  you have no value,  why are you still here?  Go away.” I feel like a burden to everyone I love and care about. It’s painful,  with the anxiety it’s worse.  I think about suicide.  Everyone would be happier right?  No. They all would miss you,  you were placed on this earth for a reason. Whether you know it or not,  you have purpose.  We all have purpose.  

When I’m in a dark place,  I call my father,  or my best friend Brittany. They listen,  they let me know they care about me and love me.  Having just those words,  three words,  come out of their mouth,  it really helps. 

Hopefully one day,  I can live with no worries,  no depression,  and no anxiety. 

Positive thoughts. 

I’ve been struggling with anxiety and depression for awhile now. But one night I decided I would commit suicide. I canceled all of my subscriptions. I even wrote my note. I later decided I was going to do it the next morning when there is no one in the house. I couldn’t sleep. I was having panic attacks and I couldn’t breathe.

The next morning, I realized my dad took the day off work, but I still got the pills from the counter. I started overdosing on a bunch of pills. I took almost the whole bottle of Aleve and there were about 300 pills. I was planning on taking the whole bottle but I just couldn’t anymore. I was vomiting a lot, I couldn’t breathe, my throat burned. I felt very weak, dizzy, and shaky. I texted my friend and told her what I did. She called 911.

As I was rushed to the hospital, it felt like I was dreaming. I tried to wake myself up. Then, I realized it was real. I saw my loved ones there. I saw how they reacted when they found out what I did. I realized that by taking my life I would be taking others with me. I realize now how much everyone cared for me and loved me.

After staying at the medical hospital for awhile, I was transferred to the psychiatric hospital. I learned so much there. I wasn’t alone and there were other people with problems like me. After I got out of the hospital, I felt glad to be still alive. It felt good to be back home. My family cared for me and loved me. Suicide is never the answer. I felt it was worth it at the time, but now I realized it’s not.

I first experienced depression in early teens. By my early 20’s I ended up in a psych hospital and by my late 20’s I ended up twice in the hospital because of talks of suicide.

I believe the love and prayers of family and friends helped me in my battle with depression,and general anxiety disorder. Plus moments of psychosis.

Feeding myself with positive quotes were and still are helpful. Learning how to forgive myself and others was also needed. We are all connected and love and understanding is what is needed for all who struggle with mental illness and for all.

I suffered in silence and hid my battles behind make up, pretty clothes, and a big smile for many years.

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I just came out of a period of depression anxiety, and insomnia. Many times I wanted to end my life. I called the suicide hotline and it helped to talk to someone about my pain. I came out of this in August. I now look back and I am so grateful that I did not end my life. I was put on the right medication even though I tried the natural route. I want to encourage those who are where I was. Your life is precious and even if you don’t think so now my prayer is that you will be helped somehow. I go to a wonderful counselor who helps me by talking things out. I was isolating myself and that only makes it worse. Please talk to someone and find a good counselor.

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I woke up alive thanks to two paramedics when I was 17 and had attempted suicide.

In the years that followed, I struggled with depression and anxiety, often letting my illnesses run my life.

I was hospitalized frequently, on disability, drifting from place to place and job to job. I had a second suicide attempt. I was in long-term care at a nursing home. While there I thought about what life would be like if i just went on living in that nursing home. I felt hopeless and trapped. It was there that I committed to improving my life.

I took my medication diligently to stabilize my mood. I studied DBT to cope better. I tried EMDR and, while I still have anxiety problems, I stopped having panic attacks. I did several courses of ECT. That was helpful but I did lose a lot of memories. (Many of them have returned.) I started going to a weekly NAMI Connection support group.

I am 35 now. I live on my own and i am employed full-time at a job that I love. The last five years have been the best of my life, and they keep getting better. I am so glad to be alive and I am proud of myself. I may never get to see those paramedics again, but I want them to know how grateful I am. I wish I could show them my life and say, “See all this? You made this possible!”

I thought my life was hopeless and it’s turning out to be a grand adventure. If you feel your life will never get better and you could think things will stay like they are forever, remember my example. Change is possible. Recovery is real.

7 years ago I was plagued with an overwhelming reign of fear, confusion, anxiety and depression, to the point of suicide. I now know that my demise was the onset of schizophrenia. After several attempts with suicide and hospital visits I was finally referred to a mental health physician. He evaluated me with any insight and information I could give him. Unfortunately I was too paranoid to put all my trust in the doctors. I thought if I admitted all my ailments I would get locked away for good. 

It took 4 years for me to get diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic, mean while for the next four years living in unimaginable fear of everything. I was originally diagnosed as depressed. I can’t begin to explain the depression fear and confusion within these next 4 years but things kept getting worse and I didn’t care anymore if they locked me away. In desperation i broke down and finally admitted all my symptoms and relief was at my doorstep. 

My doctor was able to put me on the right medication. Don’t get me wrong it took a lot of work on both of our parts to get the right dosage of meds but perseverance paid off. Don’t give up on the meds because you don’t feel totally right or they cause side effects. Eventually these wear off and you’ll feel like you again.

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