My name is Jennifer and I am a recovered mental illness survivor—

            I have endured severe mental illness for over half my life.  During that time, I suffered from clinical depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, and borderline personality disorder.

            Due to the depression, my behaviors ranged from excessive crying to excessive sleeping to suicide attempts.  I felt feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and helplessness.  All I thought I wanted to do was die.   But in fact, what I really wanted was help with overcoming my severe sadness.

            During my manic states, I endured impulsive, spontaneous, and irresponsible behaviors.  I felt on top of world.  I felt excessive amounts of energy.  I had racing thoughts.  I had delusions of grandeur.  I’ll be honest.  It felt great to be so high, but it is also very dangerous.  Risky behaviors can lead to much endangerment of self and others.

Keep reading

#IAmStigmaFree because I share my story at Crisis Intervention Team Trainings, public speaking engagements and conferences. I’ve been on the Board of Directors for NAMI Pinellas County for a couple of years here in Florida and I teach Peer to Peer as a mentor. But before I found NAMI, I was very alone in a struggle that went on for half my life.

At the age of 12, I began to experience depression and some mild paranoia, which I would only recognize as such many years later. At 15, I had my first suicide attempt. At 16, I was regularly cutting myself because self-mutilation had become my dysfunctional coping mechanism, along with anorexia nervosa, for which I was hospitalized for weeks at age 17, when I weighed 83 pounds.

However, none of this was the worst of it. Crippling major depression and an eating disorder were, I would realize later, much easier for me to live with than the psychosis that followed. At 23, I became floridly psychotic, delusional and paranoid, with constant auditory, visual, tactile and olfactory hallucinations. I believed, at first, that I had been heinously abused as a child and blocked out the memories, but then I began to believe I was a mind control victim of the CIA. I thought there was a microchip implanted in my body, monitoring my whereabouts and that people were communicating with me constantly through secret “double speak”, hidden messages and via reading my mind and sending me thoughts from theirs. I thought people on TV and the radio were directly communicating with me, and was sure that I had a personal relationship with Anderson Cooper of CNN, who I had never met.

Keep reading

Hi I’m Dave and I have struggled with Schizoaffective Disorder (a lovely combination of Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia) for over 40 years.  As a child I suffered with extreme depression and manic episodes.  When I was eleven I began hearing voices.  I am now 52 and it’s been a long, difficult, and strange road. Over the years I have learned a few tricks that have allowed me to experience a degree of peace and serenity, sometimes. Let me tell you a little bit about this disease, the consequences it’s had on my life, and how I’ve learned to cope with it.

From what I understand hallucinations and delusions can be a little different for different people. For me, hearing voices is just like it sounds, it’s like being in a room with people around you talking. It comes and it goes in varying degrees of intensity, and it can drive you mad.

Keep reading

I am the first Portland, Oregon-area woman author to publish a memoir about schizoaffective disorder (a little talked about diagnosis of bipolar disorder and schizophrenia).  Most books on mental illness are written by doctors and clinicians, but I feel the personal stories of “lived experience”- like mine and others fighting the pressure of stigma with mental health disorders- are more meaningful because they help us to see the person first, not the diagnoses. Schizo-affective disorder is a hard disease to tackle. Societal pressures seem to dominate your routine and the sheer process of overcoming the stigma of this disease is complicated

I remember when I was young, I used to think people were talking about me and judging me because of who I was. My paranoia carried over into my adulthood. I felt paranoid because I couldn’t focus on something beside myself when people looked at me funny. When I was really upset about something I shook. My knees became rubbery as I disagreed with a speaker in a meeting. Being around higher ups, I felt like I was going to erupt like a tempestuous volcano. I hung my head, not humble like, but in disgrace of not accepting myself for being me. My ship was sinking. My shakiness and weak knees didn’t necessarily stem from my disease. It happened when I was physically abused by my stepfather for defending my brother when he was 7. My stepfather and my mother left him alone to go drinking and when they came back home, I arrived home from work and stood up for my brother. I took a blow to the jaw. My world fell apart and my life changed course.

Keep reading

Hi uy I’m 26 years old I was young when I was diagnosed with ADHD and later on with manic depression and bipolar disorder soon after was labeled as schizoaffective disorder and I’ve learned how to cope with it over the years I would to go on tell you my hole story.

Hi,

My daughter is 34 years old and has bipolar I with schizoaffective disorder.  She also gets depressed and hypoactive.  She has delusions and hallucinations and has been hospitalized at least 5 times.  She has been seen by many psychiatrists.  She is currently on two medications, plus another for anxiety (which she doesn’t like to take).  My husband and I joined a NAMI Meeting, which meets every week for, I believe 12-14 weeks.  

Keep reading

My name is Jonathan and I am 28 years old with a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type. I was born in South Korea to a mother who was labeled “mentally unstable”. I was adopted by my family as a baby and grew up in Virginia and Louisiana. As a child, I was markedly different and as I grew older things got more and more complicated.

            I didn’t start the process of seeing doctors and therapists until I was 15 years old and it took an entire decade for me to be properly diagnosed and placed on the right medications. Over the years I had a variety of diagnosis’ to include: ADHD, Asperger’s, Oppositional-Defiance Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, Bipolar disorder, then finally schizoaffective. I had been placed on almost every different anti-depressant and anti-psychotic available and they were all accompanied by mixed ranges of undesirable side effects.

Keep reading

I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder nearly 15 years ago, and later received a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder of the bipolar type. The second hospitalization following a manic episode was the most difficult–26 days in a state institution–and by the third hospitalization I’d decided that something needed to change: I had to take control of my life. Taking medication consistently was one thing, but cutting all alcohol and drugs altogether was the thing that made all the difference. Without drugs altering my mental balance, I was able to stabilize my moods and get my life together. I started my own editing business and currently run two successful businesses. I’ve also written a book about my illness. I have 7 employees and haven’t looked back on that life that once seemed so hopeless. Once I realized that 1) I wasn’t a victim and everyone has issues and 2) I may have to alter how I live, but my life can still be productive and successful, I was able to get out of the cycle of self-pity. Ultimately, what helped me move on was the realization that I, not my illness, am in charge of my own destiny. There are still difficult days, but I’ve learned that depression and paranoia always end, and coping mechanisms help get me through difficult times. Meditation helps, as does taking time to walk in the woods.

I was diagnosed by several psychologists and psychiatrists with obsessive compulsive disorder in 2009, and schizoaffective disorder in 2013 (schizophrenia + bipolar subtype). I thought I was alone, and that no one could hear me, and that suicide would be the best option for me. But it is not, suicide is not. God gives us life and life is a gift. God gives his toughest challenges to his strongest soldiers, and when things are looking bad, severely awful, do NOT give up!!! Do not EVER GIVE UP!!! I see a psychologist once/week, take 2 types of medication, am going through cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and have grown stronger with social support groups with my family and true, real friends. Diet and exercise helps too. I was 299.5 lbs and now I am closing in on 280 lbs. Prayer is very important for my family and I, and we can all get better, maybe not cured, but better every single day. See the person, not the illness. Thanks for reading in advance!

Sincerely,

Andrew

My name is Bethany and I was diagnosed with bipolar when I was 13, smile in 2012 and now with schizoaffective disorder. I am now 40 and feel very lucky to be alive. My last suicide attempt was in Nov 2014 by taking over 200 pills. The closest I have come to ending my life. I’m now healing and have a lot of support from my boyfriend. I am a survivor of domestic violence which cost my father his life. I lost my brother in the war and estranged from my children. I live everyday trying to survive and push forward. I love living now and trying to understand my illness. Not feeling guilty about being sick and not getting judged. I share my story so others can be strong to share theirs.