My name is Amanda and I have Schizoaffective Disorder. The relief that I got when I was finally diagnosed for the third time with the same diagnoses was overwhelming. Because at that moment it finally made sense to me. I grew up with all of the symptoms, genetics, family history of addiction, in poverty, and it took me hitting rock bottom to admit what I thought was defeat. The truth is, I’ve had it this whole time and I have found a therapist willing to take my hand and lift me up and I have a psychiatrist willing to listen and change my medicine and not judge me and I finally after 35 years am looking forward to not lying in bed wishing I had the bravery to cut myself.

My name is Robert Hagee and I have a mental illness, I have had the illness since childhood, it was believed to be schizophrenia when I was young but came to schizoaffective disorder. If I was to write anything about my illness it would be this: that without my mother who was very strong from her life struggles as a child and as an adult, I would not have survived; I look back and realize if I was to know of all my issues and struggles to come when was a young and not to know of the good I do not believe I would have continued. There are other issues with my health and the hardest thing I face is that my mother will be at my funeral and my only regret I would ever change is the fact that my mother has had to experience my life with me.

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I have been living with this disorder for two years since I was diagnosed. I am now in recovery and want to help others with this disease. The good news is - there is hope

            My name is Jennifer and I am a recovered mental illness survivor—

            I have endured severe mental illness for over half my life.  During that time, I suffered from clinical depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, and borderline personality disorder.

            Due to the depression, my behaviors ranged from excessive crying to excessive sleeping to suicide attempts.  I felt feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and helplessness.  All I thought I wanted to do was die.   But in fact, what I really wanted was help with overcoming my severe sadness.

            During my manic states, I endured impulsive, spontaneous, and irresponsible behaviors.  I felt on top of world.  I felt excessive amounts of energy.  I had racing thoughts.  I had delusions of grandeur.  I’ll be honest.  It felt great to be so high, but it is also very dangerous.  Risky behaviors can lead to much endangerment of self and others.

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By: Steve Colori

When I was first diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder I had psychosis, neurosis, and I couldn’t speak an intelligible sentence never mind have a conversation. I had referential thinking, auditory hallucinations, mania, depression, OCD, and also a great deal of anxiety and paranoia. I had no friends, no job, no meaningful activities to participate in, and I had no social skills. Recovery is something I worked for and I feel I’ve advanced far beyond it. All these previous ailments are mostly experiences of the past and I am now close with my family, I have several great groups of friends, a girlfriend, a full-time job, and many meaningful and fun activities in my life. I deal with little to no symptoms of schizoaffective disorder in my day to day interactions.

During recovery there were times I wished things could go back to the way they were before episodes. The thought of reverting back to old practices seemed comforting because there was familiarity with it. Unfortunately, I learned I couldn’t just erase five years of schizoaffective disorder from my memory and do everything the same way I used to. I was forced to face and work through the many fears and issues from trauma and schizoaffective symptoms. I was initially uncertain of whether I could get through schizoaffective and for a while with the help of my doctor I was merely trying to identify unknown issues in my psyche and find resolutions for them. It was similar to fumbling for a light in the dark. It took some time but after finally seeing some improvement I began developing methods and ways to continually improve. I’ve found having short-lived habits (Nietzsche) has worked for me. I live within a certain comfort zone for a short while and work on self improvement through change thus finding a better comfort zone.

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Hi, my name is debby. I am diagnosed with chronic depressions, severe anxiety , hallucinations and schizoaffective disorder. Wow!! For over 40 years of psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, and 17 psych hospitals, and different medications, I have worked on myself. Today, I take certain meds, see the same psychiatrist, and same family doctor. ask me how I am, I will usually answer “well”.  I am very educated on medications. I also have a doctor who listens to me. My illnesses are pretty much under control. depression is tne hard one for me. I haven’t tried suicide in many years. If I feel out of control, I get in touch with my psych doctor, immediately. My tip for all who suffer from any mental issues, is ignore those who tell you to Snap out of it. Know and believe you have a right to be heard as a person with a mental illness. Never be ashamed. You are a good person with a tough disorder. Use the internet. I look up every diagnosis and every medication. be sure you like and/or trust your drs. and clinicians. Peace be with all of you. Trust yourself. Find who you are.

My name is Jonathan and I am 28 years old with a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type. I was born in South Korea to a mother who was labeled “mentally unstable”. I was adopted by my family as a baby and grew up in Virginia and Louisiana. As a child, I was markedly different and as I grew older things got more and more complicated.

            I didn’t start the process of seeing doctors and therapists until I was 15 years old and it took an entire decade for me to be properly diagnosed and placed on the right medications. Over the years I had a variety of diagnosis’ to include: ADHD, Asperger’s, Oppositional-Defiance Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, Bipolar disorder, then finally schizoaffective. I had been placed on almost every different anti-depressant and anti-psychotic available and they were all accompanied by mixed ranges of undesirable side effects.

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My name is Eric. That is my real name. It doesn’t get any realer than that; that’s what I’ve realized. I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, major depression, panic disorder and chronic pain secondary to spine injury. Before these diagnoses, I was a temporary patient of Kaiser and I was diagnosed with PTSD stemming from many things:  guilt and shame originating from a Judaeo-Christian complex, having taken a human life using “imperfect” self-defense when I was 18 years old and serving many years in hardcore level four years of California state prisons for it, and several other horrible things that happen in life. 

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Back in the fall of 2013, I was diagnosed with originally Bipolar type 1 and then as time progressed my psychiatrist then re-diagnosed with schizophrenia. After I went to the hospital AGAIN for like the 4th or 5th time in 2 years, my psychiatrist again re-diagnosed me with Schizoaffective disorder. I can honestly tell you during that time in my life, i tried committing suicide SEVERAL times, and even thought about homicide. Initially, I was mad at God, because I had so much going for me! I yelled and cried at God asking him….WHY!?!?!?! WHY!?!?! HOW COULD YOU GIVE THIS TO ME!?!?!?!!? but then I realized that He only let this happen to me only to make me a stronger and more humble person. To this day, after almost 3 years after being diagnosed, I still have hallucinations, paranoia, delusions, and problems with my mood and even anxiety, even though I am on medications and under psychiatric care.