Hey I’m Nadine..
Today i have 17 years
I’m an unsociable type of humans.. I always want to be away from people..
I never felt normal like others..
I got bullied by people and I really really hate myself.. but I’m selfish , I think iam everyone told me /made me feel that when I was depressed.. I’m selfish because I couldn’t give love to anyone.. nobody understands me .. I can’t even love myself..
my depression started when I was 14 I was ambitious but in the same time I feel like nothing really matters.. and I feel like I’m nothing.. like I’m invisible and in the same time I hate to have attention from people.. I hate boys and girls (humans) and everything, I never felt happy.. but my ex boyfriend made me better .. he healed me when I became 15 I met him and I felt like I have something special here , but I didn’t give him so much attention I was thinking that he’ll stay with me and never leave.. I was so dumb in love.. I gave him all the feelings that I have and now I still can’t love myself.. I hate me for real.. and then i just made him go away .. because I was afraid to be addicted to him .. i lost myself inside him .. and when he left I felt so much pain.. and then he had a new girlfriend when I was 16 .. and that time i felt like I’m ugly .. for no reason.. I was thinking that she’s better than me and I felt like I’m really nothing.. I was like “ why I’m I even alive, everyone hated me .. and I felt ugly anxiety controlled me .. and i started to do things that I didn’t wanna do.. I started to smoke cigarettes and weed .. and i was comparing myself to her .. she’s good at education and I lost my way to school because I was depressed I couldn’t even walk out of my bed .. I was cutting.. I still have scars on my hand .. and I tried to do suicide for 5 times and I failed because inside of me I didn’t want to do that sin .. I wasn’t feeling nothing but feeling like I’m already dead I was thinking that if I’ll die everything will be fine.. i wanted to stop the pain my chest was heavy and it was like I’m burning inside and I cried until I bleed.( throwing blood out of my mouth) I was killing my body like I’m doing a revenge against myself.. I killed me vein by vein .. and then my ex came back saying that he still in love with me .. I wasn’t minding that I thought he’s lying but that was a chance to come back (as he told me) I was close to someone else , that one was trying to convince me that I don’t have to kill myself because he loved me .. but all I think about was my ex ..
So I just walk away from the both sides..
I wanted to be alone.. and I started to pray … my ex hurt me so much with words and i was begging for him to stay
Without telling him to stay ..
I just told him you’re not mine and whenever people ask me I say he’s dead .. but when they know I have to explain and tell about my biggest loss and today he’s with the same girl maybe I don’t know and that doesn’t matter too I was jealous before but now I can’t feel
But that doesn’t mean I stopped caring about him .. I still think I’m a loser.. I’m depressed but that doesn’t matter anymore.. now I’m numb I don’t feel I don’t love I don’t hate .. I’m almost done with life .. but I got back to studying.. I’m lonely but I just wanna be away .. I want another place to hide.. I faced my past lot of times .. and I can’t move on.. I just want it to stop .. and I wanna remember things about myself.. I was taking some medicaments to sleep because I had insomnia and now I forgot a lot of things but I still remember some flashbacks from what happened.. I remember that I was screaming/ bleeding on the floor of bathroom.. I remember how much I was crying day/night .. I was down but I never showed that to anyone.. I smoked till I can’t breath .. I regret doing that but I deserved what happened! Do I ? I’m wondering now where’s my brain cause whenever someone talk to me I imagine that I’m killing them and cutting their skin while they’re bleeding.. But I can’t kill nobody.. because I want peace.. I want some inner peace I wanna go away… and hide .. I don’t have friends.. and I’m here because I need help..
help !! I want to be just normal..
help !!!

When I was 12 I was sexually assaulted twice and stalked. From these events I developed Anxiety, PTSD, Insomnia, Depression, and Trichotillomania. I began to self-harm at 13 and was hospitalized for suicide attempts at 14. It’s been a long hard journey, but there is hope! Keep moving forward, you got this!

Panic attacks, anxiety, depression and self harm. I let those define me over a year ago. That was my reality, and it still is, but this time I am defining myself trough the experiences that I have acquired trough getting healthy. 

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I am Kristi Massey. I suffer from depression & anxiety. I have had a number of health issues. Due to that fact I suffer with depression self harm anxiety including social anxiety. I took care of my dad for 2 years after he suffered a stroke. I got sick again in 2015. When I left the hospital I moved into an assisted living place. Am happier but have a lot of things to work through mentally.

I’ve suffered (and still have) a good load of mental problems. Anxiety (mainly social anxiety), technology dependency, depression, thoughts of self-harm, and very likely PMDD and RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria) all have taken a grasp on me. All of what I’ll be saying is on what it was like as a preteen and young teen for me, so that younger ones will know that there is help. So, here’s my story.

I must admit, it was mainly my technology obsession that made my mental health issues worse (I was born with anxiety). With added social anxiety later in my life (around 9) I took to message boards and online role-plays to fill in that gap in my social life. As I grew on, I made more friends online than I had in real life, so I kept on those boards. Soon, that was all my life- just my online persona. My grades slightly slipped. I avoided all real-life social events and even would deny doing ten-minute activities if I could not be on my laptop doing it. When my parents would take my laptop away or ask me to do something else I would spiral into this unstoppable beast of depression and hate, hate for myself and for the world. I would sometimes lock myself into my bedroom with a knife (not like a butter knife- full on butcher knife) with my laptop and imagine harming myself with the knife, often holding it up against my skin, but never actually slicing anything. Soon my parents got me into therapy the moment I made verbal self-harm threats (they had no idea of the full extent of the problem until then). I met this amazing woman, who we will call In. In was exactly what I needed as a mentally ill youth. We spent the first sessions getting to know each other- playing board games, asking each other questions, all of that. Then we started talking about treatment. I found it hard to talk to In about my problems, but she was patient with me and worked through my treatment. While she didn’t automatically cure my problems (for example, we had to make an emergency appointment once with In because I began threatening suicide), she was the best helper I could ask for. Eventually, with some lifestyle changes, support and social advice, I was once a happy girl again. While I still deal with some problems rooting from my mental health, I am much better off than what I would’ve been if I never got help.

What I’m saying here is that there IS help out there. To any youth reading this who suspects that they may have mental issues, speak up about it. No matter how embarrassing it feels, getting help is the best option for you if there is a problem. If my parents hadn’t gotten me help the moment they noticed the full size of my situation, I might not being posting this right now. My only personal advice is to avoid using technology to cope- it’ll backfire on you, likely. Still, there is hope for mentally troubled youth. Be open about your feelings. It may just help you in more ways than one. 

My entire life since I can remember I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression. High school is when it started to manifest the most, and so on through college and my early adult years (now). Each stage I have dealt with these issues in unhealthy coping mechanisms weather it be self harm, reckless behavior or most recently and certainly the most heavily with drinking. What I didn’t realize was the last two years of my college career into my first year as a working adult was that I had fully developed Bipolar tendencies. It wreaked havoc on my life, my relationships, my work, my finances and especially my self worth. Periods of manic ups and depressive downs had me feeling absolutely crazy. I was reckless, and quite out of control. My reputation was at stake and my life was in trouble. While you may be apprehensive in the moment or not able to help yourself, what I have to share is that when you’re ready, you must. Since getting myself to my doctor and having a candid conversation, she’s prescribed me with the correct medications and I’ve been working on myself consistently. I can say without a doubt that I am absolutely 100% more functional and stable while being correctly diagnosed and helped by medical professionals. There is help and there are solutions! Let someone know you need help, whoever it might be, I didn’t tell anyone except my doctor and proceeded not to tell anyone until I knew my treatment worked. Not every day will be perfect, but It IS absolutely worth it and you can get better and live a stable life. Please help yourself if yourself is all you have. You are worth it and you are able to find stability. You are NOT alone. Brie

Navigating a world that often feels cold, insensitive, and unaccepting of mental illness is lifelong work, a healing journey with ups and downs that has no end. As a highly sensitive person who has lived with anxiety/depression/OCD/ADHD since childhood, struggled with self-harm, substance abuse, and eating disorders, and is a rape and domestic abuse survivor, I have sought out many forms of therapy over my lifetime, both traditional and alternative.

One concept that I became familiar with in Dialectal Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is having a toolbox. Every individual’s toolbox looks different and will evolve over time. It is essentially a list of our skills and techniques for emotional regulation, distress tolerance, mindfulness, and interpersonal effectiveness. I would like to share some of my go-to tools for self-soothing and traversing times of heightened anxiety/the unknown: 

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I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression for most of my life. I drank in excessive amounts in High School and cut myself often. I’d lay on the floor crying for hours about well many things…. I never imagined a life beyond the walls of my room in that house. I deeply hated myself and whenever something went wrong it would replay in my head like a broken record. I had nervous ticks i constantly did. I went to a college far from home hoping it would free me from the confines of my overbearing parents who often claimed I had been exaggerating or that depression was fake. I had been cutting. I often thought about suicide. I’d lock myself in a closet to keep myself from looking out a window since I lived on the 4th floor. I had been cutting deeply into my arms and was crashing hard. I went to the doctor for god knows what reason and a doctor had seen my cuts while taking my BP. 

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The pain that’s associated with the diagnosis of a loved one with Mental illness, such as Schizophrenia, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Anxiety, Suicide, Self Harm, Substance Abuse is and can be very stressful and depleting on the loved ones caring for the individuals with the diagnosis. I have learned from my experiences with my daughter that it takes a lot of Love, Patience and Compassion in order to be their support system which is not at all an easy task, for the simple fact that they perceive you to be against them in spite of you trying your hardest to help and support them. by the way i’ve experienced all these diagnosis with my daughter who was 17 when I began to see these behaviors began to unfold. She’s now 21 and have had many hospitalization and so many issues with staying out of trouble with the law as a result of making poor choices. The treatment options that was offered for her didn’t work because she wouldn’t participate unless she was in the hospital, so after she was released from the hospital the cycle would just repeat itself. There  were times when I didn’t know where to turn for help, I felt desperate so I would search for answers and resources on websites that’s designed for mental health just to find none or ending back to starting point. 

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Hello,

I am 15 years old and I am currently battling against depression, anxiety, disordered eating, self-harm, and suicidal ideation. When I was hospitalized for the second time, I started to cope by writing out my feelings in a form of poetry. When I wrote this, I was at a very bad place in my recovery, but if you fast forward two months from since I wrote this you would see that I am almost two months clean and I am starting to love myself. 

Her life changed at age three

Her solo family split into two

It’s not how she wanted it to be

Her filter on life turned blue

At age 10, she found out the truth

The girl’s mother turned her back

She had an affair with a man with a crooked tooth

She was hooked on him like he was crack

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