I have BPD and major depression with anxiety features.  I have been in active recovery for a year now.  What do I mean by active recovery?  I am not cured, and by no means able to stop taking my meds or following my treatment plan.  I have worked really hard and with support have reached a point in my life, were I can take a step back and realize life is worth it.  I no longer struggle every day nor is my mental illness controlling my life anymore.  Mental illness is just a petal on the beautiful rose that makes me, me.  It is worth all the effort and struggles.  I know everyone has a different level of recovery, and that is okay.  We are all unique and bring to the world our own beauty.  Never give up on yourself. You are so worth it, even if you do not feel it. One day you will be the one to post about your recovery.  Never stop trying, even if for that moment all you can do is cry, as long as you chose today to live one more minute you are fighting a battle and that is sometimes all you can do.  But you are doing it and that is all that matters.  Courage after all is sometimes the little voice in your head that says, tomorrow I will try again. 

I am thankful to be who I am and who I have become.  I am recovery from alcohol( which is not listed), depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and abuse,(physical, mental and sexual, from the age of 9).  I am a mother of 9, we have a blended family and I am a grandmother of 13.  In my past I was a bartender, I am now a minister and missionary of Africa, Malawi, north, south and west.  In my past I hated myself, I am now a mentor to many and I am in progress of receiving my  CHW/CRS certification.  I attended the week filled seminar and I am empowered, and anxious in a good way to represent Aspin and my training.  I have learned many aspects of addictions and many levels of communication, through body language and tones.  Thank you for what you do and soon a friend and I will become advocates.  I am also a volunteer in my community as an advocate for children placed in the care of court appointed CASA.  I also am a Inspirational speaker, sunday school teacher and Educator in a home for women who are released by court order , after release from prison or jail as a transitional home, it is a 18 month structured program.  I have many hobbies, and I am thankful to be who I have become. 

June 3, 2014

Thank you for your interest in my recovery story. I have been in mental health treatment for the past thirty-three years. It began at age eight when I was sexually molested by a close relative. I did not tell anyone out of shame and guilt for ten years. I became anorexic immediately following the assault, which turned into bulimia, severe depression and anxiety through my teenage years. My parents would not allow hospitalization or medication because of their ignorance and the stigma involved. Suicide was constantly on my mind. My parents did allow for weekly psychotherapy treatments.

At seventeen, I suffered a major mental breakdown and was limited in my high school attendance. I disclosed facts about the abuse during therapy, but no charges were filed, once again due to the perceived stigma. At eighteen, I took myself to the psychiatrist and received my first prescription for an anti-depressant. Lack of effectiveness and side effects caused me to spend the next fifteen years trying different medicine combinations.

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My name is Mike Logan Stubbs. I’m a 28-year-old from England. I suffer from depression and mental health issues which I believe have haunted me for nearly six years now.

My depression got so bad four months ago, I attempted to take my own life and was hospitalized.

I felt like no matter what I did, I would always feel this way (depressed). I can get so low, like the flick of a switch, when my depression is at its worst and unfortunately cannot control it.

When I got out of hospital, with the support of my family, I made it my mission to get better — and the best way to express my emotions is through music. Through music I feel like a “normal” person and feel it is my best therapy.

My experience with depression and fighting it inspired me to raise awareness through music. Listening to other bands and artists also helps me, especially when the lyrics are meaningful! My favorite artists and inspiration range from Metallica, Phil Collins and even classical music. The experience of attempting suicide inspired me to not only help myself, but to help others who feel the same as me.

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I live with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), and I had a big depression months ago, which I’m dealing with now again, but it’s more like depressive phases now. I have therapy since 2 years ago and it really helped me and still. I also did cut myself before, when I was depressed, and I had suicidal thoughts. Sometimes, when I’m in a depression phase, all I wanna do is cut myself, or kill myself, and I thought about suicide before. But I stay strong and I keep fighting my demons and my negative thoughts. When I started developpe anxiety disorder, few years ago (like 4), I was stressed all the times, I had a sort of social anxiety, which I have not really anymore now, and I became really shy, and I had lost confidence in myself. Also I threw up of stress (so I have medication for that), and I had eczema (still but less). Because of depression and anxiety I ate a lot and, God thanks, I’ve take “only” around 5 kilos. That’s a lot for me, because I thought I was fat and ugly, but I could take mooore so I’m thankful for that. I can do sport and eat better to lost that weight in like 2 months, so I’ll start leaving more healthy.

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I suffered intensely from psychotic depression.  I didn’t know it had a name, even though I’ve had mdd and bipolar disorder.  The pain and immersion into a hellish world where you are convinced the only way out is suicide,  is beyond comprehension. 

It has been a year in making to full recovery.  Being so traumatic,  I was grateful just to be alive; however,  I never dreampt I would have peace, contentment,  and joy.

Psychotic depression is one step before death. If this happens to you or a loved one, pull out the big guns:antidepressants,  antipychotics,  AND ect.  Dont be concerned about memory loss, and the anti-ect rhetoric.  Choose life and happiness.  Weight gain from antipychotics?  Rather be alive or dead?

There is life and full recovery after psychotic depression. 

I suffer from a dual diagnosis of alcoholism and depression.  I am now in recovery for alcoholism and am being treated for depression with an antidepressant and therapy to deal with life long issues.  I now work in the mental health field and am going to school to be a mental health counselor.  I very much feel that I have much to offer others who suffer from addiction and mental health issues, although honestly, some days feel I am worse off than those with whom I am working. I struggle daily with thoughts low self esteem and worthlessness and relapsing into alcohol usage!  However, I realize that this will be a daily challenge for possibly the rest of my life.  I want to encourage and inspire others who are also in recovery for addiction and mental illness to find help and support.  There is hope for you if you just take the first steps. 

            My name is Jennifer and I am a recovered mental illness survivor—

            I have endured severe mental illness for over half my life.  During that time, I suffered from clinical depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, and borderline personality disorder.

            Due to the depression, my behaviors ranged from excessive crying to excessive sleeping to suicide attempts.  I felt feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and helplessness.  All I thought I wanted to do was die.   But in fact, what I really wanted was help with overcoming my severe sadness.

            During my manic states, I endured impulsive, spontaneous, and irresponsible behaviors.  I felt on top of world.  I felt excessive amounts of energy.  I had racing thoughts.  I had delusions of grandeur.  I’ll be honest.  It felt great to be so high, but it is also very dangerous.  Risky behaviors can lead to much endangerment of self and others.

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I have suffered depression and anxiety most of my life but only began being prescribed medications in the last 18 yrs. After 31 different mediation trials, I have been on a medication combination now that is making a difference in my life. I feel better than I have in years and I never lost hope that this day would come. Perfect? No. Better? Yes. I knew that there was a medication out there and that someday I would find the right one. I found that I could not give up nor could I stop pursuing whatever it took to find the right meds. It is important that if you are dealing with depression and anxiety that you lean on others and or perhaps your religion at times. The struggle has been hard for me mixed with a lot of tears but to be 50 and possibly feeling “normal” is a triumph for my personal journey. There is no “magic pill” unfortunately, it takes a combination of determination, commitment, patience, therapy and the right combination of meds to feel close to free from mental illness. I finally feel valuable, confident and worthy of where I am and everyone deserves to be there. Never give up.

At the age of twelve my parents, who should have noticed sooner, became aware of the fact that I was a troubled child.  Not because I did anything wrong, but more to the point, I didn’t do anything.  I did have nightmares, I did have depression (though this was not something well known at the time).  I had stomach aches all the time, and also headaches.  By the age of 14 I no longer could attend school or go outside.

There weren’t any therapists who knew why I was the was I was.  Number one reason, I was being molested frequently and by many.  Number two reason, I am bipolar.

It took until I was 21 for the truth to come out about the abuse, even longer for the diagnosis of bipolar.  It took even more years before an improvement in my mental health.

Once I started to move forward, which wasn’t easy because I went through therapists like lemon drops, I learned that the abuse must be faced.  You have to come to a point where it doesn’t control you.  A place where you can finally say “it’s over there, It can’t touch me anymore.” 

You might think that’s easy for me to say.  Believe me it’s not.  I was severely sexually abused for 13 years of my life.  And it was my father, my Uncle, and worst offender was my brother.  Then we move onto the neighborhood boys that molested me, their were three.  Two of which held me at gunpoint.

So when I say, I know what it takes, I mean it.  And I must add, it does get over there, you don’t have to have it hurt forever.  And you can grow up and go to college and everything.  I know because I did it.

Recovery is ongoing.  You never stop.  You have to remember your tools, the things that work for you that make it better.  And it does get better, and better, and better.