Depression is a feeling of pure despair, it’s a feeling that tells you life is hopeless, it’s a feeling that makes you anticipate the next cut of the blade until you finally finish yourself off and end your miserable existence. The thing that helped me through my depression was meeting someone I loved
See more posts like this on Tumblr
#depression #love #submission #self harmHey I’m Nadine..
Today i have 17 years
I’m an unsociable type of humans.. I always want to be away from people..
I never felt normal like others..
I got bullied by people and I really really hate myself.. but I’m selfish , I think iam everyone told me /made me feel that when I was depressed.. I’m selfish because I couldn’t give love to anyone.. nobody understands me .. I can’t even love myself..
my depression started when I was 14 I was ambitious but in the same time I feel like nothing really matters.. and I feel like I’m nothing.. like I’m invisible and in the same time I hate to have attention from people.. I hate boys and girls (humans) and everything, I never felt happy.. but my ex boyfriend made me better .. he healed me when I became 15 I met him and I felt like I have something special here , but I didn’t give him so much attention I was thinking that he’ll stay with me and never leave.. I was so dumb in love.. I gave him all the feelings that I have and now I still can’t love myself.. I hate me for real.. and then i just made him go away .. because I was afraid to be addicted to him .. i lost myself inside him .. and when he left I felt so much pain.. and then he had a new girlfriend when I was 16 .. and that time i felt like I’m ugly .. for no reason.. I was thinking that she’s better than me and I felt like I’m really nothing.. I was like “ why I’m I even alive, everyone hated me .. and I felt ugly anxiety controlled me .. and i started to do things that I didn’t wanna do.. I started to smoke cigarettes and weed .. and i was comparing myself to her .. she’s good at education and I lost my way to school because I was depressed I couldn’t even walk out of my bed .. I was cutting.. I still have scars on my hand .. and I tried to do suicide for 5 times and I failed because inside of me I didn’t want to do that sin .. I wasn’t feeling nothing but feeling like I’m already dead I was thinking that if I’ll die everything will be fine.. i wanted to stop the pain my chest was heavy and it was like I’m burning inside and I cried until I bleed.( throwing blood out of my mouth) I was killing my body like I’m doing a revenge against myself.. I killed me vein by vein .. and then my ex came back saying that he still in love with me .. I wasn’t minding that I thought he’s lying but that was a chance to come back (as he told me) I was close to someone else , that one was trying to convince me that I don’t have to kill myself because he loved me .. but all I think about was my ex ..
So I just walk away from the both sides..
I wanted to be alone.. and I started to pray … my ex hurt me so much with words and i was begging for him to stay
Without telling him to stay ..
I just told him you’re not mine and whenever people ask me I say he’s dead .. but when they know I have to explain and tell about my biggest loss and today he’s with the same girl maybe I don’t know and that doesn’t matter too I was jealous before but now I can’t feel
But that doesn’t mean I stopped caring about him .. I still think I’m a loser.. I’m depressed but that doesn’t matter anymore.. now I’m numb I don’t feel I don’t love I don’t hate .. I’m almost done with life .. but I got back to studying.. I’m lonely but I just wanna be away .. I want another place to hide.. I faced my past lot of times .. and I can’t move on.. I just want it to stop .. and I wanna remember things about myself.. I was taking some medicaments to sleep because I had insomnia and now I forgot a lot of things but I still remember some flashbacks from what happened.. I remember that I was screaming/ bleeding on the floor of bathroom.. I remember how much I was crying day/night .. I was down but I never showed that to anyone.. I smoked till I can’t breath .. I regret doing that but I deserved what happened! Do I ? I’m wondering now where’s my brain cause whenever someone talk to me I imagine that I’m killing them and cutting their skin while they’re bleeding.. But I can’t kill nobody.. because I want peace.. I want some inner peace I wanna go away… and hide .. I don’t have friends.. and I’m here because I need help..
help !! I want to be just normal..
help !!!
My name is Alicia and I have struggled with an Eating disorder for 19 years along with depression and self harm. I was hospitalized last may for my eating disorder and self harm and I never thought that I would be able to be in a better place than I am now. I still struggle with eating disorder thoughts and self harm thoughts, but I have learned better ways to cope and I can honestly say that I am much better than I have ever been in my whole journey with my eating disorder. I am not saying that I am perfect, or fully recovered but I am saying that it is possible to get recovery and I want that for everybody because living with an Eating Disorder is a crappy existent! I have not self harmed since last year and that is also something that I never thought I would be able to stop doing, I still struggle some days, but I am learning how to cope better! For anyone who has struggled with an eating disorder and self harm it does get better and I hope that by sharing some of my story I can inspire others to see that recovery is possible!
Hi my name is Elania. I suffer from depression. Yeah I smile but its all fake. I self harm but not all the time. I write my thoughts down in a notebook I bought. The reason I self harm is because I’m numb I feel like it would take the pain away from what I’m thinking. I self harm because of what people say about me like my weight and my ugliness. Yes I have friends they help me but it doesn’t work but I just need some more good advice please.
Panic attacks, anxiety, depression and self harm. I let those define me over a year ago. That was my reality, and it still is, but this time I am defining myself trough the experiences that I have acquired trough getting healthy.
Depression is the result of not treating the symptoms early and accumulate over the years. I wish my parents and I knew the symptoms early. Started self-harm since 11 year old but only receive treatment at 16 year old. To me when I was young, I thought banging my head on the wall is a normal thing for children. I still struggle with self-harm..Every scar on me represent my sadness or anger that people cause…I not proud of my scar but neither am I ashamed of it..I am still fighting!
Self harm is no joke, many people think it’s for attention. Depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, etc.. it’s like any other illness. At age 16 I was diagnosed with depression it was the toughest part of my life. Everyone around me even some of my own family called me lazy, conceited, and a attention seeker. They didn’t know how bad it was, I slept the whole day, didn’t want to get out of my bed or leave the house having depression drains your energy you start thinking to yourself how life would be if you just kill yourself.
I am Kristi Massey. I suffer from depression & anxiety. I have had a number of health issues. Due to that fact I suffer with depression self harm anxiety including social anxiety. I took care of my dad for 2 years after he suffered a stroke. I got sick again in 2015. When I left the hospital I moved into an assisted living place. Am happier but have a lot of things to work through mentally.
When I was 14 years old my depression started. Around three months later I begin to self harm. I’m first there was a reason but after a while it became an addiction just like any other addiction drugs, alcohol, etc. when I was 15 my mother died of this hole in my soul they couldn’t be replaced and even though I was a month clean that started me up again I came down with anxiety and my depression one from slight to severe almost overnight. Around that time myself image got very damaged I look to myself and all I could see was fat even though I was perfectly healthy I started purging because I thought that was the only way to get skinny I didn’t eat I would work out a lot and I drink more water than I could handle in a day and lost weight very very quickly. I thought point life seems hopeless for me I was unhealthy suicidal and didn’t know what to do with myself. One day in school or girl came up to me and told me that you thought I was beautiful. She told me she had seen my scars and was going through something similar and told me that she knew life is hard and it sucks sometimes, but that I would get through this and that’s when I realize that I actually wouldn’t I realize that what I was doing was hurting others around me and if I kept on going to far the others around me would be even more hurt than they already were. I am now 18 years old healthy, and have greatly improved mental health I promise it gets better and you’re not alone.
When I was five I was diagnosed with adhd. As if that wasn’t hard enough I was abused by my dad and developed ptsd.but I’m school I got mad fun of and called names I also have bipolar and depression so I used to self harm.But one day when I reached out I became part of the the nami of Middlesex and I always have support to talk to.i am still living in a abuse house but I have faith that one day I will succeed and Suicide is not the answer
I’ve suffered (and still have) a good load of mental problems. Anxiety (mainly social anxiety), technology dependency, depression, thoughts of self-harm, and very likely PMDD and RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria) all have taken a grasp on me. All of what I’ll be saying is on what it was like as a preteen and young teen for me, so that younger ones will know that there is help. So, here’s my story.
I must admit, it was mainly my technology obsession that made my mental health issues worse (I was born with anxiety). With added social anxiety later in my life (around 9) I took to message boards and online role-plays to fill in that gap in my social life. As I grew on, I made more friends online than I had in real life, so I kept on those boards. Soon, that was all my life- just my online persona. My grades slightly slipped. I avoided all real-life social events and even would deny doing ten-minute activities if I could not be on my laptop doing it. When my parents would take my laptop away or ask me to do something else I would spiral into this unstoppable beast of depression and hate, hate for myself and for the world. I would sometimes lock myself into my bedroom with a knife (not like a butter knife- full on butcher knife) with my laptop and imagine harming myself with the knife, often holding it up against my skin, but never actually slicing anything. Soon my parents got me into therapy the moment I made verbal self-harm threats (they had no idea of the full extent of the problem until then). I met this amazing woman, who we will call In. In was exactly what I needed as a mentally ill youth. We spent the first sessions getting to know each other- playing board games, asking each other questions, all of that. Then we started talking about treatment. I found it hard to talk to In about my problems, but she was patient with me and worked through my treatment. While she didn’t automatically cure my problems (for example, we had to make an emergency appointment once with In because I began threatening suicide), she was the best helper I could ask for. Eventually, with some lifestyle changes, support and social advice, I was once a happy girl again. While I still deal with some problems rooting from my mental health, I am much better off than what I would’ve been if I never got help.
What I’m saying here is that there IS help out there. To any youth reading this who suspects that they may have mental issues, speak up about it. No matter how embarrassing it feels, getting help is the best option for you if there is a problem. If my parents hadn’t gotten me help the moment they noticed the full size of my situation, I might not being posting this right now. My only personal advice is to avoid using technology to cope- it’ll backfire on you, likely. Still, there is hope for mentally troubled youth. Be open about your feelings. It may just help you in more ways than one.