I have bipolar disorder but I’m more than a diagnosis.  Those two words, those two stigmatizing, frightful pieces of medical jargon haunt me.  Bipolar.  Disorder.  You turn on the news and you hear about the latest school shooting - bipolar disorder.  You read about the latest murder-suicide in an otherwise normal subuub - bipolar disorder.  And that’s all it takes.  I’m dangerous.  I can fly off the handle without warning, can’t be trusted with sharp objects, a ticking time bomb waiting to explode, etc…  it’s like having our very own scarlet letter but instead of an ‘A’, we get a ‘C’ for crazy.  What’s funny is had I never mentioned it, you would have never even known.  The truth is that I’m a bigger risk to myself than to anybody else.  

I’m genetically predisposed to mental illness: father was abused by his father and his mind further punished by the spoils of war and my mother came from a long line of bipolar sufferers.  I guess you could say that I won the genetic lottery.  I always knew I was different growing up; I could think faster than the others kids but controlling the content was next to impossible.  I was prone to emotional outbursts that went from extreme fits of anger to the deep recesses of depression.  I was dark and moody but also an outgoing over-achiever.  I didn’t belong in any one category.

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Hi my name is David. I have suffered from bipolar disorder since I was young. I never knew that what i was feeling was different from what other people felt. I just thought that thoughts of suicide and manic episodes were normal until I learned more about it during high school. My family and friends are still ignorant on the subject but I do everything in my power by reading articles, explaining the chemistry of the brain to the best of my ability and even urge them to do their own research. I have 3 suicide attempts in the past; my most recent was 4 months ago but I know that I can’t give up just because I have this illness and even though my body and mind doesn’t want to continue I have hope. I have started following up with my psychiatrist and she gives me hope that medications are a part of the therapy that can be done to help me. I never thought about sharing my story until I heard about your organization. I want to give others hope to not hurt themselves even if everything is pointing towards that. I want to let the ignorant people learn about what serious effects this has on someone’s life and the lives of their loved ones. I want to break the stigma and just because they have no symptoms you can see like you would most other illnesses, that this is real. This is something that must be taken seriously, and everyone can help. I would like to thank you for the time you took to read this. I would like to do anything I can to help this organization and will attend classes with my parents so they can learn that just because you look fine does not mean that you don’t have something going on mentally.

When I was 19 I was finally diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder after 2 years of rapid cycling between mania and depression. I had also dealt with depression for a long time, and have attempted suicide 3 times in my life. It has taken a long time to become stable, but after years of therapy and medications, I’m functioning well and have minimal impairment. I never gave up on my dreams, and now I’m 25, own a home, am halfway through nursing school with a 4.0 GPA at the top of my class, and was selected for a major scholarship to pay for the rest of school. My point is to never give up. I promised myself that when I finally put that R.N. behind my name, I will make a difference and help people who are struggling like I did. I will remind healthcare providers that those lost souls need guiding, and not judgement or whispers. Stay strong, you have a purpose. 

I would like everyone out there with bipolar disorder to know that it is a fight. A fight to live, to stay stable, to stay safe. Remember it’s also a gift “normal people” will never be as high as us and function at such a great capacity, or will they ever feel the depth of darkness as we do. Through our struggles brings strength. I have shown signs of bipolar disorder since I was a teenager. I’m now 40, a long road. I have hated myself for the way I am. I have ran away from myself only to realize I was still there. I cut myself to relieve the inner pain. I have lost touch with reality, not knowing who i was or what I was doing. A rush of adrenalin that made me feel no pain, hear nothing, and hallucinate all the while being lost. Cops searching for 4 hrs in blistering 100 degree weather for me. We’re here to help, you’re going to be ok. Little did they know I had superhuman strength and I liked where I was in a goat pasture, under a big oak tree looking up at the bluest sky ever while smoking a cigarette I didn’t even have. It was the beginning of my realizing that I had to take this diagnosis serious and become responsible for myself. Take the steps go to the dr., talk to a therapist, take the meds. Know it might not be a quick fix or even seem like you are making progress, but one step at a time I have come to a better me. I didn’t say it fixed me because I’m not broken. I’m unique. I’m as stable as can be expected and I’m responsible for myself. Through meds, my therapist and my dr. who I have cussed, hated and outright refused to go 1013, I’ve learned to live with bipolar. Even in your darkest hrs, days, or months remember there are others like you and me fighting the fight. You are not alone.

 Chris was a boyfriend of mine who died by suicide many years ago. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder but he didn’t seek help. Suicide is much worse than coping.  Surviving isn’t all there is to do, there are many avenues of support. Never forget family and friends, don’t give up because someone else did! You can not change what has happened to you but you can change how you view yourself. Figure out what you enjoy and don’t lose focus on that. If you lost joy, reach out! The worst thing you can do is lose hope.

 Personally, I have struggled from the very things he was trying to escape. The strangest part was when I discovered that, but it was also the most powerful and vital aspect to my own recovery. Just because you have or don’t have isn’t reason to give up! If you’re feeling down and out you MUST find a way to deal with it. There isn’t any purpose in giving up but there is a reason to find purpose. The resources for help aren’t always what we want to pursue. If you struggle, you’ll do best to explore every avenue available. It’s better to try now than regret later. 

My mother has bipolar disorder, and developed postpartum psychosis after my youngest sister was born.

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Hello, my name is Lilian. I am 17 years old, and I want to talk about mental illnesses from a different perspective. I don’t suffer from an illness myself, but my father did. My father had bipolar disorder, and earlier this year he committed suicide. The reason i’m sharing this is because I want to use my situation as an example, not a tragedy. Since all of this happened, my family and I have gone through a lot. I want to let you all know that even if you think you’re not loved, you are. Every single person in this world has somebody who cares for them. If you ever think that suicide is the answer, it’s not. There are so many opportunities out there to get better. I want to help as many people as possible to find a happy life. If there’s anything I can do: advocate, join some sort of organization, spread the word, i’m willing to do it. I believe in you!

I was diagnosed as bipolar when I was in my early 30s, like a lot of those who suffer from this illness I was first diagnosed with schizophrenia and then major depressive disorder.  I had a suicide attempt in my late teens.  For most of my adult life I was fortunate enough to be able to cope with my illness, thanks to therapy, groups and medication but there were times when everything seemed to fall apart and I had to be hospitalized.  I have also been fortunate to have been able to hold a full time job for 24 years.  As I grow older, however, I find the symptoms of my illness harder to deal with and I feel tired a lot and just have a general lack of motivation and energy.  This is disturbing to me as I dealt so well with bipolar disorder (or so I thought) for so many years but I am coming to terms with this and finding new coping mechanisms for dealing with my “new normal”.  It can be frustrating to feel as if you are “going backwards” but I continue to take my medications, go to therapy and now have a caseworker, who has helped me a lot.  This is not an illness that will ever go away but can be dealt with, even though, in my case, I feel it cheated me out of some life experiences such as having a family and close friends.  I try to remain positive and like to hear the stories of others with bipolar disorder so I can see how they have coped and for support.

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I’m going to be very honest with you all that are reading this. I come from a broken family with an unstable mother and a drug addicted father. I have a bipolar disorder and suffer from panic attacks and self harm and depression. I have had many friends and a couple of family members who had committed suicide. And, when it comes to me having suicidal thoughts I realize I shouldn’t do it because I’ve been through that heart break and I don’t want anymore people going through it. I started cutting two years ago at the age of 12. I look at cutting as a pain re leaver and a get away. After I cut myself I feel ashamed and then the ashamed feeling makes me want to cut more, which I end up doing. I always wear pants and long sleeves because of my scars. 

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And I knew I wasn’t right 

So I planned on going that Friday night 

And I knew I wasn’t okay

Making it the perfect place for me to stay 

See, for most, a mental hospital isn’t a choice 

It’s one of those things where you are left without a voice 

Brought there suddenly against your will

Then before you know it, you are given a bunch of random pills 

But for me, it was where I was supposed to be

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