I am a survivor of depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, an eating disorder, self harm, and suicide. Although I am a survivor my fight is not over. Far too often people think that a mental illness can be cured and that is far from the truth. Back in October of 2010 I felt as if my life had fallen apart and I was admitted into a psychiatric hospital for the first time. I never really knew that these types of hospitals existed or that the things I was struggling with were common among people my age. I was 16 at the time and I truly felt so alone. From October 2010- May 2013 I was admitted into 6 different psychiatric hospitals. I was admitted so many times that I cannot even give you a number. When I was struggling through those years in my life I honestly did not see myself having a future. I stopped planning my future and I did not care about the long term effects that my choices had on my life because I did not foresee myself living through it all.

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I first thought of suicide in grade school and have struggled with depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder for over 10 years. My life was controlled by fear and I have struggled with negative coping skills for years. Self-harm was a way to control the pain I felt and then I ended up turning to substances to numb myself. Because of some childhood experiences and traumas in my late teens and early twenties I developed severe PTSD. I have had several attempts to take my own life with the most recent one being extremely severe over six months ago. I used to hate myself and think the world was better off and that I was a victim of a cruel world. In June of this year I took some of the power back. I decided to learn from my past and look at the positives.

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I have bipolar disorder. I found out when I was twenty three. My doc said I probably had it longer than that. I used to be really badly depressed. Was on and off different meds. In the yr of 2012 I was put in out patient for self harm and bad thoughts. My body turn against medication. Then they made me transfer doctors. My docs are good… I was better in 2014. But I lost my job due to bp. Was back to being depressed and found out I could have sued them. Well I was hospitalized again this year. For not having my meds. I don’t have insurance and can’t get ssi. So its hard. I have a therapeutic dog and he is a lot of help.

My mom is not really any help. My pastor case manger friend therapist and doc are. I got my first tattoo that said stay strong.. I am still fighting but I am here. I am now twenty seven and will be twenty eight on July the 24. I know if I can do it you can too STAY STRONG!!!!

I have panic attacks too. Also anxiety and being really close to people scares me. And I have a brother who has ADHD. He’s a very smart man but he was abused as a child before my parents adopted him. Came a long way. Used to be real bad with anger. Not so much anymore. I learned that people with a mental disorder are smarter than an average person. While in the hospital I learned some famous people have mental illness. The one thing that bugs me is people using it to get out of a crime they committed. I know it could happen.. STAY STRONG!!!!

**Trigger Warning**

Hi. I used to be really mentally ill. I have had panic attacks, the worst case of obsessive compulsive disorder, bi-polar, anxiety and depression. I have struggled with substance abuse.  I have struggled with self-harm and suicide. One year I tried to kill myself multiple times. 

Treatment:

Coping- I have learned several coping skills. They really help.

Recovery- I was inpatient at a mental hospital. It really helped.

Therapy- I usually see my therapist every other week. It really helps.

Medication- My medication really helps too.

I hate the stigma!

The pain that’s associated with the diagnosis of a loved one with Mental illness, such as Schizophrenia, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Anxiety, Suicide, Self Harm, Substance Abuse is and can be very stressful and depleting on the loved ones caring for the individuals with the diagnosis. I have learned from my experiences with my daughter that it takes a lot of Love, Patience and Compassion in order to be their support system which is not at all an easy task, for the simple fact that they perceive you to be against them in spite of you trying your hardest to help and support them. by the way i’ve experienced all these diagnosis with my daughter who was 17 when I began to see these behaviors began to unfold. She’s now 21 and have had many hospitalization and so many issues with staying out of trouble with the law as a result of making poor choices. The treatment options that was offered for her didn’t work because she wouldn’t participate unless she was in the hospital, so after she was released from the hospital the cycle would just repeat itself. There  were times when I didn’t know where to turn for help, I felt desperate so I would search for answers and resources on websites that’s designed for mental health just to find none or ending back to starting point. 

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I first began to experience symptoms of bipolar disorder in my early teens. i was put on Lithium while in a hospital and right away the almost catatonic depression I was in began to ease. From there on in, it seemed medication would be the answer to everything that was wrong with me. For years i was on every depression medication available, tricyclics, MAO inhibitors–when one stopped working, I was simply put on something else. Then things got better and I needed no medication through my twenties. i still struggled with lows, but there were no suicide attempts, I was able to live and love, to work and, for the most part, even enjoy life. Then, at the age of 29 I had a manic episode and my medication nightmare began.

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I suffered intensely from psychotic depression.  I didn’t know it had a name, even though I’ve had mdd and bipolar disorder.  The pain and immersion into a hellish world where you are convinced the only way out is suicide,  is beyond comprehension. 

It has been a year in making to full recovery.  Being so traumatic,  I was grateful just to be alive; however,  I never dreampt I would have peace, contentment,  and joy.

Psychotic depression is one step before death. If this happens to you or a loved one, pull out the big guns:antidepressants,  antipychotics,  AND ect.  Dont be concerned about memory loss, and the anti-ect rhetoric.  Choose life and happiness.  Weight gain from antipychotics?  Rather be alive or dead?

There is life and full recovery after psychotic depression. 

Everyone struggles with something in life. Some struggle for brief periods of time and some struggle every day. I belong to the some who struggle every day. Since I was 5 years old I have constantly struggled with mental illness. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, schizophrenia, depression, anxiety, ADD, ADHD, PTSD, and attention deficit Disorder. My dad, step mother, and Step Father physically abused me for most of my life because they didn’t understand what I was going through and my Mother was the only person in my life to try to help me through everything I was dealing with. Unfortunately I did not trust anyone around me due to how I was treated at home and because I was constantly bullied at school because I was different. Eventually the abuse I was facing at my step fathers house led to me going into a state of shock and I tried to hurt my mother because I was so out of it and thought she was my step father. I was 15 at this point and was detained. 

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i have schizoaffective bipolar type disorder as well as gad and ocd, i had bpd as a prior diagnosis as well with just bipolar disorder. i have been dealing with anxiety everyday as well as flashback of trauma snd family abuse, i was sexually abused twice, everyday is a challenge, mainly my thoughts and fears and paranoia it all causes my depression, my mood i can get pretty angry even in public a few times, i have family that knows im ill but not very understanding and much supportive, i suffer from being insecure bc of my disease or disorder whichever and ashamed bc i know im someone u can easily judge. i had a hard life, anxiety runs in my family and bipolar i believe. ive had past suicide attempts which were serious and glad im still here, i dont have any friends who understand my illness or or to much supportive of it. im on psyche meds that are somewhat helping.

I suffered from mental disorders for as long as I can remember. I am diagnosed with ADD, OCD, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder and a hormonal disorder. My panic attacks started in 1st grade. I still remember waking up or laying in bed at night then screaming in fear. I felt as if death was staring at me and going to take me, the though rushing through my head “I’m gonna die. I’m gonna die. I’m gonna die. I should just end it now get it over with.” Over and over again. It lasted for years all through our the rest of elementary school I had them basically every night. I developed a sleep phobia because it always happened at bed time. In 7th grade my depression hit…cutting suicidal thoughts and a few attempts.

It lasted till 10th grade, my improvement happened in 9th after a sorta suicide attempt. It was that I wanted to die but I didn’t care if I did, I knew that if I took to many pills something would happen and that point that was all I wanted. I lived my day to day life with no emotion drained of all energy. At home I layed on my bed not moving and no energy to even blink some times. I saw the point in nothing, I would cut because it told me I was alive and I was able to feel something which is all I wanted. I admit I was scared to get better I forgot what happiness felt like so it scared it. Happiness had become the unknown depression was my blanket.

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