For the last seven years I have struggled with my mental health with triple diagnoses of Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar disorder (with substance abuse) and until up to a year ago was leading myself on a trail of self destruction.  The psychosis, whether drug based or not, led to my mental unraveling and lost me jobs and housing and nearly all hope. 

People within the UK will know how inadequate the mental health services can be - how they can save you or wreck you and I had a bit of both.

From inpatient stays to home treatment to community mental health teams to drug and alcohol teams to therapy - I have slowly gone through them all. 

In through my experience I decided to train as a mental health nurse and gain something positive out of my illness to help and support others in bridging the gap between the mental health services and their clients. It has been painful, feeling like you should take a side between the two whilst desperately trying to connect them both. 

I see the suffering that I once suffered, I see the terror on the faces of clients that I remember and I’ve regularly been told to leave the patient at home and come in as the future professional. I tried this and relapsed because I failed to separate them and got better when I realized that I shouldn’t have to. The client and the nurse comes hand in hand with me and sets me apart from other staff but gives me more insight with who truly matters - my patients. Which is why I will always support any movement in the NHS towards Peer Support as a recognized profession.

My bipolar II diagnosis arrived when I was 45 years old. I will be 62 next month. It’s been a long 17 years.  My diagnosis was able to arrive because I had finally quit using substance abuse as my cover.  Getting sober was a huge accomplishment but the continuing worries that bipolar disorder still bring to me have tempered that sense of accomplishment. I have discovered a few things that help keep bipolar somewhat under control and my health in check. Those things would be competing in running races for which I get a great adrenaline rush. I ride my bike a lot and walk an hour a day. I follow a diet of vegetables, fruits, nuts, grains, greens and beans. I occasionally eat fish. No dairy.  I truly believe that my exercise, my diet, and being open with my doctor have allowed me to work in a job I like with a boss who is understanding. I am now a genuine member of society where I pay taxes, contribute to my community, and help others who suffer from mental illness.

I’ve been dealing with my fiancé’s bipolar disorder for 6 months now.
Are episodes of depression, drinking binges, extreme highs, lack of empathy part of bipolar disorder?
I’m trying to learn all I can about this mental illness. I love him very much but it feels like I’m on a roller coaster ride with his emotions. I want to hug him and slap him at the same time.
Now I know I am not alone, and find some comfort in that. From what I’ve read the symptoms vary. Thanks to everyone for sharing, now I know I am not alone and find some comfort in that.

Hello I am reaching out because my brother is mentally ill due to either substance abuse, or his substance abuse brought his illness forward. He either lives from motel to motel or is homeless. Sometimes he reaches out to my other brother, but most often he is unreachable. It wasn’t always like this. He was a very successful sales rep for a large company, owned a home, had relationships with women and had many friends, He was the son, brother and uncle that everyone loved and wanted to be around. Something happened, he abused cocaine, he isolated, he drank heavily and often. He lost his job, he went to rehab, he took apart his house looking for a “bug”, he took apart his apartment looking for a “bug”. He hallucinated all of the time, he lied, hated, blamed and finally just pushed us all away. Now we don’t know where he is. If he want something he will reach out, but all we know is that he doesn’t have a car anymore, he sold his home and is living in a motel. It appears that when he has to he can pull himself together and become presentable, but that is rare and because he couldn’t do it everyday he lost his job again in June 2017. He is scary, he has threatened our lives, so we keep away and pray for him. He turned 50 in October and had been reaching out for a couple of weeks after a year, but the week he turned 50 all of his issues surfaced again and his threats were worse then ever.

My fight with bipolar disorder is a daily battle. As a mother, step-mother, and wife I try my best to stay strong for my family. Everyone has their demons, but mine sit on my shoulders, never letting me rest. There are times I want to leave everything and disappear. There are times when I throw things and scream, but what gives me hope are the times my family tells me they love me, and it will be okay. I have tried tons of different meds and therapy, with no luck, but i know if I keep pushing through I will survive. Keep your head up, kiss your scars, and smile, because it’s the first day of the rest of your life.

In honor of Suicide Prevention Week, I’d like to take a stand and share my own story. I think sharing it can help eliminate stigma and possibly help people become more compassionate towards others they don’t understand and also educate people so you see that not all those with mental illness are dangerous murderers.

I have have Bipolar Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder with PTSD. My mental illness appeared during puberty and that was around the time I first tried to commit suicide. I tried to commit suicide 7 or 8 times after that. It didn’t help feeling different socially as I was realizing in high school that I was gay. Having to fight those feelings and attempt to be someone I wasn’t for the sake of my family and society made my life even harder to bear. I was already suffering with depression and anxiety that literally ate me up inside.

The anxiety felt like bugs crawling on my skin and I was praying to shed it. I couldn’t escape the depression that was swallowing me alive all the while I was involved in sports and using the utmost discipline to function and continue. My mind was wrapped with thoughts of death and each day you struggle to find a reason to want to live. You don’t understand why you feel this way. You only wish for a way out. You feel alone and different and no one seems to see you. You cry alone and you find coping mechanisms to fit in daily.

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I suffered for decades (starting when I was a kid) with bipolar disorder. My whole family was diagnosed at later stages in life. that’s a lot of fighting and arguing through the years. I was finally diagnosed 15 years ago. Then the meds knocked me out of the ‘90’s so much I don’t remember them. Now, things are finally under control. I feel as if I’m just starting out, at the ripe age of 65. I now encourage anyone who has any kind of mental issues, no matter how old they are, to seek professional help as soon as possible.

Lets just say I was born messed up but like who isn’t. I have one of the most easiest lives I have a good family, overall I get good grades, I have a lot of friends, but I also have bipolar disorder, ptsd, anxiety ect. Another problem with my life being easier is that is now but not like the past. To fully understand my story we have to go way back to when I was six. That was like in second grade for me. The start of all of this horrible crap was i got raped at 6. I don’t know who did it or any of that. Also when I was younger I witnessed a kidnapping. I grew up with a dysfunctional family. My sister was abusive and took her anger out on me, my father was at work or away a lot of the time, my mother kind of ignored me, and when my mom, dad, and sister were together they were always yelling. At times my mother was abusive as well. I spent a majority of my childhood in my bedroom by myself. I spent a lot of that time thinking of ways on how to kill myself and self harming. To this day my sister is still abusive. Currently I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, ptsd, and bipolar disorder. I have recently been discharged from Dominion and Adventist from threatening to kill my self. I have done drugs and drank alcohol before. I have attempted to kill myself multiple times. I have been caught twice. The first hospital I went to was Children’s Hospital. I am pansexual. I have been bullied multiple times before. I frequently get panic attacks and nightmares. I previously took prozac but now I am takin 400 mg of seroquel. I used to have a eating disorder but i no longer have that. Last year i got suspended for cutting in school and bringing a “weapon” to school. I have been to the crisis center twice and the first time i was there my mom found out that i had been raped. I told my dad the Friday I was suspended. Last year I missed about a month of school overall and my grades were lowering. It is only the start of school and I have already managed to miss a month of school not including sick days. I have been cutting since third grade…my parents found out last year because someone reported me. I have been told that my depression was a phase. I have been told that i lied about being raped. I have been punished for things I have never done. I have been abused for being myself, for being a child. I have written that suicide so many times I lost count. I made mistakes with trust, friendships, and being naive. I have made really really bad choices with my life that put me down this path today. I have been asked repeatedly if I went to court, if i knew who it was, to explain to them what happened. I have been told how to act and how to feel. I have been told “I know what your going through” so many times, so so so many times knowing that those people were lying, how do you know what I am feeling what I am thinking? How do you know who I am and my personality better than I do? I am definitely not a writer and  I am sure my story makes no sense and just looks like a bunch of thoughts smashed together but that is how my brain works. I am told all the time that I am getting better I just think to myself to you it looks like that but truth be told that is not true. I would tell you that I am feeling depressed but you wouldn’t know how to handle it. To speak the truth I have no self respect, more than 90% of the time I hate the person I have become. I blame myself everyday for…well for everything. Each one of our stories should be heard but people like us are really only noticed if we kill people because we are supposedly crazy. But we aren’t we have just been through a lot to get where we are now, some of us kind of like me might have thought we wouldn’t make it this far. While in PHP i asked a question, I asked if it ever gets better. There is no answer for that because you never know what life throws you, so instead of wondering if life ever gets better be yourself and live life how you want to because it does not matter if you still are under 18 like me it all comes down to the fact that this is your life. You can live it however you want. Society might judge you but the people who appreciate who you are and you being you and not one of society’s robots those are the people who will care. Who will go to heavy metal concerts or skinny dipping with you no matter what the will be there for you. I am isabella Hauter, age 13. I currently live in Maryland and I go to WMS. Keep your heads low and turn your music up high!

     I was started on treatment for Bipolar Disorder last January after a severe manic episode landed me in a psychiatric ward for a while.  This was the first time anyone told me that this is what I might have.  I was 38 years old. I can look back into my childhood and see all the symptoms and signs that somehow were missed.  When I was 21 I went to see our family GP for depression. He prescribed an antidepressant which immediately (as in the first pill) sent me through the roof. I can remember not being able to stop smiling.  This felt great - like Superman.  I would grab a 12 pack of beer on the way home from work, then lock myself in my room drinking and smoking and painting the night away. I did this for almost a week before the spinning starting to break into little fragments and my mind started to come apart. I ended up shredding myself with razors to try and relieve the flow of energy.  I had no idea what “cutting” was - never heard of it.  I just felt ashamed, scared and alone.

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Hello, I have always thought that sharing my story with the mental health community is important to bring hope to others that are just like me.

I’m a 37 year old divorced mother of two boys. I have been in therapy of some kind or another since I was 7 years old. Mental illness runs in my family as well as substance abuse addiction. I believe I was born with my many disorders that progressed and worsened as I got older, abused illegal drugs, prescribed medication and had my children. In my early childhood I showed all the many signs of OCD. I also grew up in an extremely chaotic family where my mother suffered terribly with her own mental illness that was never acknowledged or treated and an emotionally absent father. My two older siblings coped with this by using and abusing drugs and my older sister was put into rehab when I was seven. My older brother simply moved away and is still an addict today covering up his own mental health issues. My younger sister was extremely emotionally disturbed and would act out violently towards my parents but especially towards me. She would later become a drug addict for many years and thankfully entered recovery 4 ½ years ago.

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